Rejection sensitive dysphoria - AIBU

[Lipido]

name changed and will have to leave this a bit vague

A member of staff has returned from sick leave (workplace stress, extended 6 months - came back the day before flipping to half pay).

Occy health have sent a recommendation that based on the self diagnosed rejection sensitive dysphoria a number of reasonable adjustments are put in place.

One of the adjustments is that emails shouldn’t include bold text or underlining as this triggers the above, not just emails from me, emails from any senior person in the organisation

My AIBU is NOT about the above diagnosis . It’s about the fact that an occupational health nurse can give this kind of recommendation (and others) based on a phone assessment for a self diagnosed issue. With absolutely no understanding of how this will play out in the real world? I cannot monitor or screen emails to this person. I cannot ensure they are never given feedback they might not like. I essentially cannot manage them at all!

Its a recommendation. Tbh my work emails dont tend to include bold text or underlining

ugh this made me eye roll internally. They've given you a completely impossible task! I'd ask HR for advice.
i wouldn't think a self diagnosis has any legal merit would it?
I have absolutely zero legal qualifications but the whole thing sounds odd and she sounds unhinged and entitled.

I had a colleague similar. Couldn't answer the phone to customers because it triggered her. Couldn't eat at lunch time and had to eat at her desk where there's 100 people around her as she 'didn't like the pressure of being told when to eat.'
some people just feel incredibly sorry for themselves and the world owes them a favour.

id internally eye roll, seek guidance from HR and make it abundantly clear you cannot meet her needs as they're unachievable.

How hard is it to not use bold text or underlining in emails? I never do because I think it looks rude.

I do frequently. To colleagues and customers. Some colleagues might need instructions or guidance on something and writing in bold they can read it easier if they're flipped between screens. There's so many reasons to underline or bold. How on earth is it rude? It can highlight the importance of something.

Occupational health shouldn’t be making recommendations on things that aren’t diagnosed health conditions.

Unless this person has a diagnosis of a long-term health condition or disability then once they’re back at work they’re the same as anyone else- they don’t need reasonable adjustments.

I have a very severe disability and work in the NHS, and have had to jump through hoops to get an OH appointment following multiple long periods off. They’ve needed proof of my diagnosis.

This colleague of yours may have been off but if they don’t have a diagnosed condition they’ve got fuck-all and can’t start demanding no one hurts their wickle feewings 🙄

You are really lacking any empathy for someone clearly neurodivergent.

I wouldn’t have thought OH could make adjustments based on self-diagnosed conditions with no medical proof. Certainly when I was going to OH about a plethora of conditions I had to provide proof of diagnosis before any adjustments could be suggested. I have a history of mental health issues and I’m neurodiverse but I’m afraid I have no time for “rejection sensitive dysphoria”. The pathologising of human emotions has gone too far. That’s one area “sufferers” need to get over themselves and learn to deal with themselves imo, you can’t go through life feeling entitled never to encounter anything upsetting.

Let’s say the person is neurodivergent and struggle with answering the phone. Why would you apply for a job where you have to answer the phone? Please make this make sense

I cannot abide loud busy offices, I wouldn’t apply for a role in a call centre

I also have a serious phobia of rats - therefore wouldn’t apply to be a binwoman.

It seems a bit silly, but I'd simply not use bold or underlined text in my own email to this person. You can't guarantee no-one else will, though.

I'd be sorry tempted to use lots of italics, as they are neither bold nor underlined, but best not to poke the bear...

Clearly self diagnosed…

Have you heard of clean feedback? It's a really good model for people with neurodiversity.

I agree with you. People, neurodiverse or not, need to know and work within their own limitations, not expect everyone else to modify their behaviour in disproportionate ways (and I do consider changing the core purpose of a job role, like answering the phone, disproportionate). I struggle with timekeeping, fatigue and attention to detail so I’d simply never apply to jobs that require such rigidity (yes, I know timekeeping is required in all jobs but being freelance and fully remote maintains my energy levels and enables me to control my own schedule so I’m less likely to be late or get times wrong. Train signalling or air traffic control will never be for me).

Do you know for absolute certain she’s self diagnosed?

I’ll happily admit I’ve been on the other side. OH said I mustn’t be put to work in positions that caused me undue stress (3 heart attacks in 2 years). Bosses said I was absolutely fine to do the very most stressful tasks for me because they themselves didn’t see why they could be stressful.

You need to follow OH recommendations whether you agree with them or not.

Well you can't control anyone else's emails. However, you can be supportive of the person you line manage needing support with emails that they might interpret as difficult. Supportive does not mean you have to agree with their interpretation - it means you realise this is an issue for them and you support them to navigate that within professional boundaries.

Also, depends what your work culture is like. Are these bold underlined dates or important parts of an email, or are they emails where people are bolding and underlining their frustrations or unreasonable expectations?

Edited because my phone decided to overly autocorrect!

It's not quite the same. No one starts a job thinking they will be faced with rude, passive aggressive emails that contain things in bold and underlined. I'm not sure I'd agree the adjustment is reasonable, as you say you can't screen all emails. I do think people who send emails like that are rude and I can see how it could make someone already struggling feel very anxious. Maybe the whole organisation needs to work towards being more polite and respectful. It sounds like you're part of a toxic work culture.

What happens when another ND employee feels they communicate better with bold/underlined text?

I'd be interested in having a direct chat with this person about email as a source of stress. Office email use can be appalling - random cc-ing, "shouting" in block capitals etc, endless back and forth, expectations around response time, screeds of vague thoughts or opinions etc. I wouldn't expect to see bolding or underlining for emphasis much in a healthy and efficient work culture.

What's clean feedback, @GoodThings2025 ? Sounds interesting.

I’m sure it CAN be rude, depending on context. But it can also be super helpful , highlighting the important bits of an email that need action and/or attention.
If someone can’t cope with bold or underlined print, they shouldn’t be working in an office.

Is bold texting a deadline rude? toxic?

Or

Is it helpful for staff to pick out pertinent details?

Is underlining a line rude? Toxic?

Or

Does it reiterate an important message?

Presumably if you have sensitivity rejection dysphoria it’s the first option. What if you have ADHD and it helps you sort the clutter from the important part?

Absolute shite. I don’t believe it’s accepted as a disability and your employee is taking the absolute fucking piss.

And if you can’t monitor or screen the emails then the adjustment arguably isn’t reasonable so just tell him that

absolute fucking chancer

I suspect that a conversation with the person in question might elucidate things. They may not mean that kind of thing.

Anyway, these recommendations are only to be followed if you as manager can implement them without unreasonable difficulty, so I would have that conversation and of course indicate that this can't be done so easily.

You absolutely cannot control or filter all emails sent to this colleague. It’s not a reasonable adjustment for you to ensure no one ever uses a bold font because this person doesn’t like a bold font.

This person is self diagnosed so possibly does not actually have the condition they have decided they have. But even if they do, they have to understand that there is no way you can control the font used by external agencies emailing her and if she can’t work based on a bold font or an underlined sentence then she will need to find a job where emails are not used as a means of communication or learn coping strategies to deal with bold/underlined font.

I honestly think this is a ridiculous stipulation from occy health

Don’t write clutter, to be blunt.

Bold and underlined passages look rude and unprofessional to me, this is a tiny adjustment that should be easy. You haven’t been told to screen their emails so why are you blowing this up into something bigger? Just do what you’ve been asked.

I have quite a number of ND employees (some diagnosed after they started their role), all of the adjustments are minor. Better to just show empathy and do it than moan about how it puts you out. Their lives are hard enough.

If your organisation has an IT dept they could probably set up a rule to convert the employee's emails to unformatted text easily enough on many systems.

It feels very much like treating the surface symptoms, though. What sort of rejection does he expect via email - i.e. is it reasonable that he is worried about getting critical, hostile, impatient messages? Because formatting is such a small part of that - it feels like a distraction.