Rejection sensitive dysphoria - AIBU

[Lipido]

name changed and will have to leave this a bit vague

A member of staff has returned from sick leave (workplace stress, extended 6 months - came back the day before flipping to half pay).

Occy health have sent a recommendation that based on the self diagnosed rejection sensitive dysphoria a number of reasonable adjustments are put in place.

One of the adjustments is that emails shouldn’t include bold text or underlining as this triggers the above, not just emails from me, emails from any senior person in the organisation

My AIBU is NOT about the above diagnosis . It’s about the fact that an occupational health nurse can give this kind of recommendation (and others) based on a phone assessment for a self diagnosed issue. With absolutely no understanding of how this will play out in the real world? I cannot monitor or screen emails to this person. I cannot ensure they are never given feedback they might not like. I essentially cannot manage them at all!

Oh, come off it!

I'm autistic and actually "rejection sensitive dysphoria" traits are the most strikingly accurate description of what I suffered with in my late teens/early 20s (interfered with ability to hold down a job) and even I can see this is bollocks.

What would have helped me with what appears to be this very issue, is being given understanding and time to cope with my overwhelm after being criticised/making a mistake (as opposed to being fired for crying at work, or running away so no one saw me cry, which is what actually happened). Not expecting to avoid criticism or learning, or expecting everyone to tiptoe round me!

What's interesting (and enhances the strong whiff of bullshit) is that rejection sensitive dysphoria includes being desperately people-pleasing, for obvious reasons. Not demanding everyone bends to your will and acting in a way that will piss them all off!

Many emails are sent to a group of people, not just one person. Some people may prefer bold/underlined text to help differentiate priority or subheadings. Such as other ND people or people with vision impairments.

If that’s the case, do you really think it’s reasonable for OP (or anyone in the company) to then send out a different version to this one person who actually has no official diagnosis? because they dont like bold text?

"I cannot ensure they are never given feedback they might not like"

That's not what is required of you. You are simply being asked not to bold nor underline to emphasise your instructions.

That you are so dismissive of the RSD diagnosis is concerning.

Irrespective of the fact that, you obviously think the request is ridiculous, it really is a simple and easy one for you to comply with and could make a massive difference for a colleague who is clearly struggling.

You can self diagnose and still be covered by the Equality Act.

For reasonable adjustments to be put into place, no formal diagnosis is required , or so Im led to believe by a thread here just a couple of months back

Apparently the disability only has to exist in the sufferers mind

There is rarely a need to use bold text or underlining in emails.

I can see why the member of staff has an issue with their manager coming across as being rude to them.

Just because your experience of being Autistic/having RSD presents in that way, doesn't mean someone else's does.

If someone isn't comfortable eating at their desk, why does it matter to anyone else?

That's the comment I was responding to.

The employee doesn’t have a RSD diagnosis. They think they may have it but have not been diagnosed with it by a medical professional

I knew I was AuDHD before I was officially diagnosed; so I suppose I was 'self-diagnosed' for a while.

It didn't make it any less true.

The problem is that it's very difficult to reach the stage of diagnosis as an adult (and child). NHS waiting lists are long and private routes are expensive.

Urgh also long term disability also NHS and I had to fight like a hellcat to get my reasonable adjustments. There was nothing crazy or OTT in there just really easy adjustments.

this self diagnosed bullshit with absolutely crazy unenforceable adjustments is partly the reason managers shy away from employing people with disabilities and accommodating genuinely needed adjustments

The employee has identified that they have RSD.

Occupational health has concurred and recognises there is an issue.

The thing is, there can be genuine people like you who have struggled all their life and require reasonable adjustments. And there can be people who self diagnose all manner of conditions and demand adjustments that simply are not reasonable such as never receiving an email with a bold or italic font. I’m not saying that this colleague won’t ever be officially diagnosed with RSD, but even is she is, those adjustments are not reasonable in my opinion. They need to develop coping strategies for receiving bold font.

No they have identified that they may have RSD. Anyone can self diagnose with anything. Many will be correct. But many will not. It is not always a given. The employee thinks they have it. Occy health cannot concur or refute whether they have it as it is not within their remit to diagnose people.

I ask our admin staff to make appointments for patients and I highlight in bold, the date and time just to make it easier for the admin staff to read. Never thought it could be seen as aggressive.

After a long career in the nhs with no time off sick, I am finally losing my patience a little bit I confess. This kind of thing drives me up the wall now. There are some like me who work and go above and beyond. And another small group of people who are looking for ways to work less and make everything about themselves, not the patients we see. I’m very tired and I think I have finally had enough.

Yes, I skim through an email if it's long searching for the bold. That's the thing I really need to know. Equally I use bold and underlining to flag titles etc. E.g. I work across several different countries and our Teams chat can flip between them. So I'll write something like "Spain data: Sarah has confirmed that this looks good so we can send the doc to the client". I find it helps pick out what we are talking about. It's v easy to think I'm talking about Spain when I really mean Greece etc.

You could send an email to all employees with some general guidelines about internal communication 'house style' and request that bold and underlined is not used in emails. You can't control how people external to the organisation structure their messages. I would argue that if this person is finding basic elements of the job to be distressing and overwhelming then maybe they should look for something else but I appreciate that you can't say this in real life.

Oh behave stop being a wet flannel :)

I have a project manager who refuses to share a weekly updated project plan because “we all have our individual ways of working” and “the colour scheme isn’t really [his] identity”!

The problem is, some employees may prefer the bold/underlined font due to finding it easier to spot the subheadings. People with a vision impairment for example may find it easier to enable them to locate the important aspects of the email. Who do you cater for when you need to send out multiple group emails?

I agree that if you’re finding receiving emails with a bold font distressing and overwhelming, it’s probably not a good idea to be in a job where you receive numerous emails.

It sounds really condescending to bold and underline text in emails - just type it and leave the person to read and understand

the tone of your post screams passive aggressive reaction to this person

I remember the not so distant past when people just came to work, got on with the job, went home.
Then little by little, bandwagon started being jumped upon, when some people realised that they could make allsorts of demands and the management would bow to them
Anyone complaining about the extra burden they had to shoulder would be given short shrift
I'll get my coat......

I have rsd. I assume that because it is a dysphoria it's about me. I don't expect the situation (email bolding) to change because I'm interpreting it wrongly.

Coaching is a far better intervention because if can help you think 'ah ok, she doesn't hate me to my core and think I'm the most incompetent person ever. She just had a deadline and would have done this with anyone'.

She’s been off work sick for 6 months with RSD?? Who’s signing her off if she’s self diagnosed?

@Lipido reaction sensitive dysphoria is not a recognised condition its made up bs.
She is having an absolute laugh and the occupational health is barking mad to make recommendations based on a self diagnosed unrecognised disorder.
Get hr on this one as she's playing the system and is aiming for a constructive dismissal/disability discrimination claim