i care too much what people think so here goes...

[flangebuckets]

i dont even know why i should care, im 48 im not getting any younger but somehow i do worry what people will think...

my husband died in feb (cancer), and i met someone about 6 weeks ago, well we were friends for longer and are dating now, i just worry what everyone else thinks, i dont have kids its just me my parents and some close friends.

with the state of people in their late 40s, i dont want to waste this chance but equally theres a nagging thought in my head of what people will think, why is my brain even working like that?

i mean im overthinking it probably but i have my parents over this weekend and perhaps thought about mentioning it to them

lifes short i need to live it? i might be dead next year too who knows

internet do your thing and put this into perspective?

Nothing at all wrong with having someone new in your life. I've known a few people who have met someone after about the same interval. One ended up marrying the new man about a year after her first husband died - they were a perfect fit. Another relationship didn't work out (I think mainly because of interference from her stepchildren who thought it was too soon), but it was fun while it lasted. I would be honest with your parents and if they do make any negative comments, just tell them that he makes you happy and that's the main thing.

Fellow member of the shitty club here, and the biggest thing I have learned over the last nearly four years is that a widow's place is in the wrong x

I say go where your heart leads you. Every situation and individual is different, and there is no hard and fast "formula" for widowhood despite what the world tries to sell us.

I've really toughened up and pared down my circle to a handful of people who see me, not "the widow".

Even if it's not a long term thing, it's something that is happening in your life and will bring its own benefits or lessons, and those are yours and yours alone. Part of the "rich tapestry" .

Really, until / unless the situation is cemented in your mind and heart, there's no need to share much beyond "I'm doing x at the weekend, oh, yes, with Bob. How are the petunias doing?"

Unfortunately being a widow seems to be a bit like being pregnant, everyone has an opinion / advice / well meaning concern etc. But it's your life and your business and you're still a grown functioning woman with a mind of your own x

I wish you every good thing moving forward, as others have said, life is short and often brutal x

If you're worried about gossip keep it quiet for a while longer, it's not lying it's just keeping some privacy. It is hard to deal with being judged, especially on top of a bereavement, so do whatever is easier for now. If you're a long term friend of the man anyway, it would be normal for you to see him socially?

Do you actually have reason to believe that your parents will be anything other than delighted you have found someone who makes you happy again?

A member of my extended family got together with a long-standing family friend within a year of losing his wife and everyone was happy for him after the ordeal he'd been through. Anyone who loves you should be happy for you if you're happy

Young widow here. People will judge. They will dress it up as being worried for you. They might tell you you are 'too vulnerable'. Protect yourself by not sharing if you think you'll be judged - just say he's a friend if asked.

As it happens, my attempts at relationships haven't worked out. But I have no regrets - I tried, and I've learnt a lot about what I need and what I can and can't offer others. I had some much needed fun too. Just protect yourself from anyone taking advantage of your life insurance payout and go forth.

You have one life OP, you know that better than anyone lovely. Live it to the full. Read Let Them by Mel Robbins…life changing.