Aversion to darling little niece whilst pregnant

[Lifeonaplate]

I am probably being very unreasonable here. My little niece is 2 years old and bless her is a walking petri-dish. She goes to nursery 4 days a week and is sent home ill at least every other week. It isn't her fault, it's the nature of the beast, all the kids spread germs amongst each other and they're all always coming down with something. My parents who then do pick ups for my brother are also coming down with bugs frequently as well.

My SIL is so excited I'm pregnant (well everyone is) and keeps going on about how DN keeps asking when I'm having baby, and how excited she is. And to be honest the idea of her around my new born turns my stomach a bit.

They weren't that interested in me before I was pregnant, and I'm finding the attention overwhelming. But I also can't help seeing this runny nose and red cheeks and feeling queasy.

Is this normal?

OK well that's a massive stretch from not wanting a snotty toddler visiting you in hospital newly pp isn't it 🙄.

Just make sure to ask everyone to be sensible when visiting your newborn - no visitors who are poorly or might be coming down with something, hand washing before holding etc. We’re entering RSV & flu season so you’re not being unreasonable to be cautious.

I kept my newborn away from all sick toddlers. Now I have a second I keep my elder child off nursery when there’s a bad bug going round, to reduce the risk of them catching it and passing it on to newborn.

just tell SIL that you want to reduce risk of newborn catching anything so please don’t bring niece along if she has even a hint of a sniffle until your baby is 6 months.

YANBU. It’s not good for babies to be picking up all sorts of infections, and it’s not good for you to get sick while you’re pregnant either. But people will always insist otherwise, because it makes them feel better about their kids being sick all the time. Babies don’t need to catch viruses to develop their immune systems, and many viruses can actually harm immunity. The safest way to build their immune defenses is through vaccination, not infection. Research also shows that common viruses can cause or increase the risk of many serious chronic illnesses. It's very sensible to keep sick people (children or adults) away from babies where possible.

@Lifeonaplate you’re not being unreasonable at all. It’s quite normal not to want to have visitors at the hospital or to have a sick toddler around your newborn (or a lively, well toddler!) if you don’t want too. Many cultures use to insist on a period of confinement postpartum so that the mother and baby were well rested and looked after and likely exposed to fewer germs in those vulnerable weeks immediately after giving birth. You should chat to your partner about what you think you’ll want in terms of visitors so that they can help make sure that happens. It can be hard to stand up for yourself when you’re tired and dealing with a newborn.
In terms of them not taking an interest in you before you were pregnant, maybe it’s just that they felt like you were at a different stage of life and may not have been interested, but now that you’ve got more in common they’re trying to connect.

What do you propose to do if and when you have a second child and when your first born is say 2 or 3 or 4 or whatever ?

You know, after I give birth I want to be a complete recluse for about 6 months and it has nothing even to do with germs. I hate the attention that pregnancy and babies bring.

The what if you have a second child argument is a bit silly.

As a parent you do what you can to protect your children, especially newborns. If a family member who lives in the same household falls ill with something contagious you generally avoid kissing, sharing cups, use separate towels, etc. But clearly no one is getting evicted.

If a family member who lives outside of your house falls ill with something contagious then you usually try to rearrange for when they're not harbouring something contagious.

That's how it works in our family at least.

Ignore all of these YABU messages! Keep the baby away from your niece, and anyone else ill. Babies can get very sick, quickly. You have to look after your own health too, and try not to catch bugs.
I let my DC catch a cold when he was under one month old, and I still feel terrible about it to this day. To see him sniffling was heartbreaking - and it wasn't even that severe an illness. I was too polite to decline a visit.

Assume this will be your only child otherwise what will you with your firstborn when it’s 2 or 3 and you’ve got a newborn ? Is there a bit of something going on with your sil maybe here ?

Yanbu. All these posters saying what you gunna do when yours is a toddler etc etc ignore it. Snotty grubby small children used to turn my stomach before I had mine. I used to fret about germs n catching bugs when I had my first baby but as they grow you also grow too. It becomes easier to deal with the poo and the snot and the sick and sticky fingers and if you have a second you couldn't care less about it. Builds a strong immune system!

I made it clear I didn’t want anyone (other than DP) visiting in hospital. No thank you. Not when trying to get to grips with BF and being asked every 5 mins if I’d had a wee/ poo.

It's also not just about your newborn baby catching something.

That's obviously the main concern, but when you're already running on zero through lack of sleep the last thing you need as a new mum is you and/or your partner also being taken out by flu or D&V.

Thankfully never happened to us as our families avoid passing illnesses onto each other in general.

YANBU when it comes to a newborn baby. I’m not an anxious person in any way however when it comes to my own or other peoples newborn babies, I will always err on the side of caution when it comes to tiny babies and possible colds/bugs/worse. They’ve been in the womb for nine months and all of a sudden are exposed to so much. For an older baby, I think allowing them to spend time with their cousin is a great opportunity to grow their immune system!

I wouldn’t feel the same way but I understand your concerns about getting ill.

All the same it would be lovely for your dc to have an engaged cousin and aunt/uncle so I might work on fostering a relationship for their behalf if not your own.

This. What do you think pregnant women with their own snotty toddler do, keep their child away from their mother and new sister/ brother?!? You are being ridiculous.

Can you really not see the difference between a family member who lives with you and a family member who doesn't live with you?

Clearly you can't avoid your own child in your own house when they are contagious (although there are things you can do to avoid spreading). But you can ask family members to avoid visiting when they are ill, especially when you have a newborn in the house.

My SIL is due very soon. I wouldn't dream of visiting with DS if he had a nursery bug. Visits can wait until we're not at risk of making mum or baby ill.

Sounds to me as if you might be having some (completely natural and normal!) anxieties about being the parent of a small child, which are getting transferred to DN.

If your niece is healthy then the constant bugs should die down a little as her own immunity builds. Your baby will also be far less exposed by normal social contact when she is symptomless than the adults who do intimate care, nappies, cleaning up after her, wiping her nose etc when she is full on contagious. If you observe basic hygiene, wash the child's hands, keep distance when poorly, you shouldn't worry unnecessarily.

My dd was hospitalized with RSV/bronciolitis at 11 weeks old and was extremely sick. It was such a horrendous worry and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Having said that, your baby will need to build up their immune system and the only way to do that is through exposure to germs. Are you planning on breastfeeding? If so, that’s the best line of defense against virus when they’re young and your milk can help protect them. After a couple of weeks, I wouldn’t stop your dn from visiting as long as they are healthy but definitely have a hand washing rule and no kissing the face.

My 2nd child (immediately smothered by a toddler) was much less ill than my first.

if we are talking a standard cold it’s really not risky for your child to be exposed, it just gets their immune system responding earlier.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to not want a newborn around a germy child - or anyone who has a cold/illness that can be passed on. We have to protect our babies, they're vulnerable and this is something you can prevent.

But what if in a couple of years you have another child ? Your new born will have a toddler brother/sister probably with a runny nose living in the we house and with the baby all the time.
A newborn is a lot more resilient than you might imagine and inherits antbodies from it's mother that protect them in the few weeks anyway and even better if you breastfeed.

Nobody who is ill, toddler or not should be around a newborn. It's common sense. When my grandbaby was born I had a horrible lurgy and didn't see him until he was over a week old. It's what you do.

Anyone who tries to make you feel bad about it strange and I'll bet they're not the big I am IRL as they are on the internet