Aversion to darling little niece whilst pregnant

[Lifeonaplate]

I am probably being very unreasonable here. My little niece is 2 years old and bless her is a walking petri-dish. She goes to nursery 4 days a week and is sent home ill at least every other week. It isn't her fault, it's the nature of the beast, all the kids spread germs amongst each other and they're all always coming down with something. My parents who then do pick ups for my brother are also coming down with bugs frequently as well.

My SIL is so excited I'm pregnant (well everyone is) and keeps going on about how DN keeps asking when I'm having baby, and how excited she is. And to be honest the idea of her around my new born turns my stomach a bit.

They weren't that interested in me before I was pregnant, and I'm finding the attention overwhelming. But I also can't help seeing this runny nose and red cheeks and feeling queasy.

Is this normal?

Yeah… from a mum with a toddler and a newborn… YANBU but also YABU.
YANBU because yes- toddlers are germy super spreaders and even I wouldn’t want a toddler around mine if I had a choice, but I don’t have a choice and, sure enough, newborn had his first cold within three weeks of being home thanks to his sister’s nursery germs. BUT newborns (provided they are born full term and healthy etc.) are a lot more robust than we give them credit for. Just encourage people to not kiss the baby, to wash their hands before holding the baby, and to stay away if ill and that’s all you can really do. Your baby is going to get ill at some point. I wouldn’t make a big fuss of the toddler being unwelcome (you probably won’t be up to extended visitors in hospital at least, maybe not even for a few weeks depending on so many things) because if you end up having another one you won’t have the luxury of keeping the second one in a bubble the same way you do with your first. But I completely understand the feelings you have about it as a first time mum, but from a second time mum you will learn to relax more about germs as you go. Just string out the toddler’s visit as long as you can but accept you’ll have to burst the newborn bubble eventually, and try not to burn any bridges along the way.

she is being silly to set those expectations with her little girl.

i have a toddler and am always careful with her around babies and check that their mums are ok with her approaching them in the playground and NEVER let her do that if she’s ill. Just because kids frequently get ill that is no excuse for letting them infect babies or other kids with no care.

We can't protect babies or anyone else from colds etc... but we can make sensible decisions.
If we all avoided spreading germs we would be sick less often. I know some situations are inevitable but no, your SIL can't bring a sick toddler to visit your new born baby. It's just sensible

I'm not sure it's a good idea to keep a baby isolated from other people, including germ-riddled toddlers. Your niece shouldn't be allowed to touch the newborn but being in the same room is no problem. Not to say babies should actively be made to pick up germs but if the toddler is up to date with their vaccinations, it's all part of a natural environment and good to build up immunity. Are you going to breastfeed OP? Your skin will have bacteria on it anyway even if you shower twice a day.

There’s a clear dislike for your SIL and DN in your post. Ok, leave them out. But it seems you will accept your parents in the hospital who apparently are germ-ridden as well.

But how do you think they get from the newborn stage to the robust toddler stage? Exposure to germs, is how.

Most hospitals only allow siblings to visit maternity wards, so you’ll avoid that at least!

Actually i don't really think I'd want anyone apart from my partner coming to the hospital. My SIL is the only one who has said outloud they assume they are visiting though, which is why I mentioned it.

I don't plan on being there long enough for visits- and if I am there for long enough then I doubt I'll want to see people anyway

But building up exposure gradually. Not from day one in the hospital.

There's a difference between skin microbiome and colds and flu.

I expect visiting will be for your children only, so I wouldn't worry too much. You might be able to find out for sure

Did you have a second baby, or do you intend to? You can hardly keep siblings away from a newborn for four months!

I’m currently pregnant with my second, and no I won’t be able to keep my toddler away from the baby. But I could keep him away from my niece, so why wouldn’t I try and protect her where possible?

Babies get colds. Wait until your literally sucking snot out of their nose as your that desperate for them to sleep more than 10mins

Surely it's about avoidable risk though. If you have a sibling at home that can't be managed, but why would you go out of your way to find risk when it isn't necessary.

Just like if someone has a pet at home, that can't be helped, but comes with germ risk. It doesn't mean we should all go and seak out cats and dogs because baby can probably tolerate it.

Find out what the hospital policy is. Hopefully it's siblings only. Or you can just tell her that you're not having visitors.

It goes like this....

She mentions visiting again
You say, "We're not having visitors."
She asks why
You say, "because we don't want them"
She says why not.
You say "because we just don't".

Bright and breezy. Job done

But if you have a second child you may well have a snotty toddler and a newborn.

New little cousins are so exciting! Just do what you can. No touching baby’s face, wash hands. No kissing.

It is like my morning sickness. The same feeling of nausea I get when I think about blue cheese or raw meat (stuff ive always been fine with). It is a feeling of physical reaction.

I have no problem with sick kids. It is just when I hear another story from my brother about this week's ailment I feel physical revulsion about exposure to that. Whereas a few months ago I would have happily looked after her myself

I thought that one of the benefits of breastfeeding was to transfer immunity against common germs from mum to infant?

Is all.this super-caution around babies getting infected a relatively recent thing, or just something I only noticed recently?

YANBU Definitely sensible to avoid colds if at all possible. It’s so hard for a young baby to feed or sleep.when they have a blocked nose. It’s just miserable for them and you. I remember having to hold my baby upright all night as they were so congested with a cold. Hopefully your family will understand that they need to be careful while the baby is younger and more vulnerable. And a breast fed baby is not magically resistant to all viruses.

Great, your niece can meet your child when she is at secondary school and yours in about year 4 then. Or how about keeping them apart when they are both at uni? Freshers flu and all that?

It would be good to get used to the idea of a child with a runny nose being near a baby, if you plan to have more than one child.

That makes sense- pregnancy aversions are no joke!

There is absolutely no need for them to visit you in hospital. I can't think of anything worse than extended family there! We definitely are careful if DC have colds around new babies. Although Baby DD does get loads of colds off her brother and has been fine.