To think it would be nice for them to come to us for once

[Doghatestherain]

Live abroad, go back to the uk at Christmas and sometimes summer, parents come over two times, usually Easter & late summer.
I was thinking this year that it would be nice if parents could come to us at Christmas. Dm says she won’t as doesn’t want to leave Dsis and Db (both in their 40’s) Ddis has two Dc 18 & 20 and isn’t into Christmas at all, Db is alone but could join Dsis I’m sure
We have a 7 year old and ddog and travelling, sorting the dog, presents etc is hard. I was thinking how lovely it would be to have dd wake up in her home, i’d cook a lovely Christmas dinner for my parents and spoil them. It’s usually sunny and a bit warmer, we could have lovely walks. They’ve never missed an xmas with my siblings but I’ve had a few with just us

Aibu?

I understand why this feels hurtful but there’s a lot to consider from their point of view as well.

You chose to move away to another country. When you do this, you have to accept that other people may not want to travel to this country and pay for all tne travel costs etc.
You say you don’t understand why your “siblings can’t be left, but we can.” I think the problem here is, your parents haven’t left you, you chose to leave. They may see it as, you made the decision to up and leave to another country, it’d on you, they can’t be expected to travel especially at Christmas etc.
You also say where you live is warmer, not everyone wants warm climates at Christmas. I’ve never fancied winter sun, I like the cold at Christmas and being all cosy and snug. This may not seem like a valid reason to not see family at Christmas, but it’s just a reminder to you as you mentioned it’s warmer where you live, that that may suit you and be nice for you, but it might not be what they want.

Ultimately I do agree with you that yes, it would be nice for them to come to you for once, but you have to understand why they may not want too. It’s a shame that it feels they are choosing your siblings over you, but your brother is alone etc. They see it as you have your lovely little family and you chose to jet off abroad so they feel you don’t need them the same anymore, unlike your siblings.

They go back twice a year, her parents go over twice a year. OP says it's expensive and time consuming, so wants her parents to make another trip - presumably coming over three times this year so they only need to go back once?

I wouldn’t want to spend Christmas abroad in a warm country. It’s just not Christmas.

You can’t expect to move country and then expect people to come to you.

im sure your mum would love to spend more time with her Grandchild but you took them abs moved country so you don’t get to feel a certain way about the effort she puts in.

Staying at home for Christmas seems fine to me. Given the inability of some airports to organise themselves well for Christmas and things such as border control queues, I can sympathise with anyone not wanting to travel over the festive period. Apparently Heathrow often fail on this, despite the airport having been open for over 80 years and Christmas celebrated in the Uk for over a millennium.

So do as she is. Have Christmas your way. At home.
Your dd will appreciate it..

As someone who also lives abroad you are not being unreasonable here.

We are going home this Christmas, honestly I’m dreading it. Travelling with a 2 year old, having to be wet and cold instead of enjoying a warm Christmas holiday.
Once you have kids, it’s so much damn effort to get home (not just the cost) so it’s not an unfair ask to see if they would like to change one of their visits to be on Christmas.
In both our families, I find the ones who make the least effort at keeping that connection are always the loudest that ‘“You don’t visit enough”

Now since your siblings are adults, not children I’m sure they could handle being without your parents.

You could just stay at home
you did move away - it’s a little unreasonable to expect others to rearrange lives around your choices

I suppose if my children moved overseas I'd visit them when suitable for both, not necessarily around an event like Christmas (though maybe once in a blue moon). Travel around Christmas is more expensive, so maybe not the optimal time to travel to visit family anyway.

I don't agree that if you moved away the onus to travel is on you. You don't need to travel to them, but they don't need to travel to you. If people are invested in the relationship, they'll work it out, though you'll never see each other as much as when you lived local to each other.

When we were very young children, my parents moved us to another country. My sibling has returned to the original country as an adult. I've moved to a third country. My parents remain in the country they moved to. So who should travel then, since everyone moved? We just travel when we can (and, at this time, my parents do more travel to us as it's just easier for them).

I agree you should spend Christmas in your own home now and visit another time. Invite your parents (and siblings?) and it's up to them if they take you up on the offer.

Fair lol, people move for all sorts of reasons, sometimes work. Families are more spread out now.
What should people do, never leave their home town?

You are not being unreasonable to want to have your UK family come to Christmas at least one. It is wonderful to be able to host family.

All you can do is invite them, then the ball is in their court.

When our children were small, we went to the inlaws (USA) once because we couldn't really afford it. When we moved to a larger house, we invited DH's parents and siblings to us. All but one brother came. It was lovely but we knew it was a one-off.

When we moved back to the US, we visited the ILs for the first Christmas (we literally arrived on the 18th December in suitcases, so it worked out). We did one more, and then said we wanted to stay at home (250 miles away). MIL said that was exactly what they did when they had young children. There really was no expectation in our family to get together at Christmas.

Christmas is such a rubbish time to travel and it's dark in the UK. We have a built in time to gather with family - Mothering Sunday, but I suppose these days, not a lot of people know this.

Just stay hoMe at Xmas fgs.

To be fair, there is a huge difference between leaving your home town and leaving the country!

The latter involves international travel and a plane ride

DH moved away from his home town and the attitude is that we always had to go there as ‘he moved away’. Moving is a reality of life, not everyone can work in their hometown.
Might be too late this year but your DC deserves a Christmas at home.

I wouldn’t travel for Christmas. They are assuming you will come if they don’t visit you. They might change their mind after realising the one 7yo grandchild was missed at Christmas…

The change in rules for travel to and from the EU and possible greater delays than usual could be the reason to give this year, perhaps might make them think about coming to you say for Christmas 2026.