To think having an episiotomy a private detail?

[WhatABigYikes]

Where it is commonplace to talk about whether one's baby was born by C-section or naturally/vaginally... And then some women go on to give more detail and say whether it was induced or forceps or an emergency section. Would you go on to include you had an episiotomy if you were to elaborate on your birth story?

I feel it's too private a detail to share flippantly because it feels like it's providing people with a graphic detail of your vagina. AIBU?

I think it's entirely up to the woman involved. It's not some secret information but of course, some women might not be comfortable sharing that and others are. Each to their own.

There should be no shame in sharing any and every detail of a birth story that a woman wants to!

I don't see why that's why more private than any other detail women share about childbirth. I had an episiotomy, it's a medical procedure not a secret.

Unless you have a planned section, anyone who knows you’ve had a baby knows the entire region likely took a bit of a beating! It never bothered me to talk about it, but if other people don’t then that’s also fine.

Yes, no issue

It would completely depend on who I'm talking to.

Most people tend not to want to hear the gory details of childbirth anyway, unless they're a very close friend or family member.

You’d hate my friends @WhatABigYikes. Nothing is off limits. It’s natural and human and sometimes it’s reassuring to share experiences.

Who said anything about shame? You can not want to share such detail without shame coming into it

Out of interest what's the context?

What's the big difference between discussing a tear/episiotomy and a c section? If it's some idea vaginas are "rude" that's a bit pathetic.

I had one and wouldn’t be fussed about sharing it with family and friends. Even in, say, a work setting I’d probably bring it up if the conversation was generally about childbirth. I’m not ashamed or embarrassed about it, to me it’s a bit like saying I’ve had my appendix out or I’ve had my tonsils out 🤷‍♀️

Oh god! You'd hate to work in my office. We all know each others birth stories 🙈

I am perfectly happy or actually like hearing all the gory details but it is absolutely fine to keep it private.

I’m happy enough to listen if anyone wants to share but I don’t talk about giving birth because I tend not to talk about any medical procedures and also it’s no one’s ’business.

With DC1 I actually had a planned c-section and knew the date from about 18 weeks but didn’t tell anyone other than DH. I also didn’t share pregnancy news with anyone until
after the anomaly scan.

Not talking about these things can be just a matter of personality type, I have no difficulty talking about vaginas if people want to and I’m not ashamed.

In my NCT group one of the women who had an episiotomy was really upset that her partner told everyone, she felt it was a private detail.

It's her private medical history and no, her partner shouldn't have shared it. I do find it weird when this sort of stuff is shared with all and sundry. Second time I met one woman at the school gates, she told me her birth stories and seemed very short changed when I didn't reciprocate.

It's a matter of knowing your audience.

"Would this person want to know about my episiotomy/incontinence/abnormal skin growth if given a choice?" is a wise question to ask yourself before sharing personal/medical details with someone.

Yes, women have "the right" to share anything, but the recipient of the information also has the right to react to it in the way it makes them feel.

I don't see it as any worse than any other aspect of it, personally. Wasn't there a controversy about a decade ago, in America, about a woman who was given one when she didn't want it? So in a case like that, I can understand if someone finds it triggering.
I was once out with a friend who got very upset hearing about stitches when we picked up a mutual friend who'd had a baby (a long time ago, 25 year old woman who hadn't ever been pregnant). So while it wouldn't bother me, and I'm happy to discuss birth experiences if friends ask, I wouldn't tend to talk about it with people I don't know.

It’s not something I’d mention at the till! But in conversation with friend who has given birth I wouldn’t think twice! Birth is pretty graphic no matter how you did it, isn’t it? It’s a very commonplace procedure in certain countries (like where my first was born). I’d hate to make someone feel uncomfortable and I wouldn’t ask someone about it unless they brought it up, but I think it’s good that women can be open about body stuff to friends.

I’d share it with any woman I was chatting about birth with. Probably not a guy. And I wouldn’t mention it at the till. But tbf I don’t think the shroud of shame does anyone any favours around birth.

I wish people were more honest about it and I would have liked to know the ins and outs before getting pregnant.

ins and outs

😂

Reminds me of my dad once inadvertently telling my midwife friend that she was at the ‘cut and thrust’ of her job…

It depends on the person and what they are comfortable sharing. I also personally think that amongst other women, particularly those who have had children, comparing grisly birth details is very normal.

I'm personally of the opinion that birth is a very normal process that a large proportion of the population experience, and that birth is naturally grisly/difficult/bloody, etc. Things like tears, stitches, and episiotomies are a normal part of modern birth for a lot of women. It just feels like part of nature to share birth stories amongst sisters imo lol. I'm positive women have been doing it for centuries. It never occured to me that some people might think it's private because it's technically about their vagina.

I've found it's usually just a passing 'oh yeah I had stitches, I had a third degree tear' etc anyway. I've never had a blow by blow account of what an Episiotomy feels like 😂

In all honesty I think it's good to talk about it. Women should know the realities of labour. It came as a shock to me when I first heard it's normal to poop during labour!!

I tell people (in an appropriate situation obviously, I don’t go shouting it from the roof tops) that I had an episiotomy, I also tell people how annoyed I was that the nurse grabbed my breast and made me breast feed when I didn’t want to……. I don’t see anything wrong with it, it’s just sharing experiences if your comfortable doing so

Each to their own. How are we supposed to learn about things if we don’t talk about them?

I don't think it's a private detail and would openly talk about it.. however I'm aware other people may not want to hear it or talk about it themselves so I'd try to be sensitive to the context.
But yes if I was asked I'd talk about it with anyone.

Women can share as much or as little of their birth story as they are comfortable with.
As long as other people aren't pressing for more information than someone is willing to happily give then crack on.
Id rather we normalised the gory details of childbirth its nothing to be ashamed of!!!
If I knew someone had birth trauma id probably avoid to much detail to avoid upsetting them.