To think it’s okay to prioritise travel over settling down?

[RootlessButReady]

I’m in my 30s and honestly, I just want to see the world. I’m not in a rush to buy property, have kids or “settle down” in the traditional sense, and I feel like people find that threatening or flaky.

Whenever I say I’d rather spend my money on travel than save for a mortgage right now, I get the same looks or the same comments: “You can’t live like that forever.” “Don’t you want stability?” “But what about your future?”

I get it, security matters. But the world is huge and beautiful and fleeting. Why are we expected to postpone exploration until we’re retired or burnt out? What if seeing more of life is part of building a meaningful future?

AIBU to think that choosing travel, freedom and adventure now isn’t automatically immature or irresponsible, it’s just a different priority?

It's defintely possible to do both - DH and I met in our early twenties and spent 8 years travelling/backpacking and adventuring whilst slowly saving for a deposit. We're now early 30's, married with a house and baby, and still taking plenty of trips - we're currently on a two week holiday to Malaysia.

However, we had time on our side having met young, you will need to accept that by prioritising travel over settling down in your thirties, you may be missing out on having children.

I totally agree with you yet you’re amongst the very people of society who think everyone should want to get married , have kids , have a mortgage on a big house and earn 6 figures by the time they are 35. This doesn’t work for everyone .

Not everyone CHOOSES to be tied down with responsibility. If you get to 60 and you don’t own a house ? And what ? You haven’t got the stress of going to a mundane 9-5 job to earn your millions , and what?

There is sooooo much more to life than money . You see people absolutely work their arses off , stressed to the max , paying off ridiculous mortgages , they get to their annual holiday abroad and they are too burnt out to enjoy it , then they get to retirement , thinking they are going to enjoy their massive pensions they have accumulated whilst working their arses off only to find they have burnt themselves out so much they are now ill and there big pensions get left to their kids who blow it .

Go and enjoy your life OP , whilst you’re fit and young enough to ✈️

It's perfectly okay as long as you can support yourself, not only now and while travelling but when you get back.

Really you're in a very similar boat to someone only working intermittently because of caring responsibilities, in that you might struggle financially when you're older if you haven't got qualifications/ experience which will allow you to pick up enough well paid full work to put money into a pension and to work when not travelling and when you're older... Lots of people (especially women) are in that vulnerable financial situation due motherhood or caring for other relatives so it's not unique to travel, just a consideration.

If you do want children at some point, just not yet, you should just be aware that while some women do have healthy pregnancies in their early 40s, others start perimenopause in their mid to late 30s - you can actually get tests to check your likely fertility status and give you an idea whether waiting has good odds for you, but you'd have to pay privately and nothing is guaranteed, it's just about likelihood obviously. If you're male of course you don't have that problem and can start a family as late as you want, although there are genetic risks associated with paternal, not only maternal, age.

Enjoy, but just give your long term a little thought and planning too and don't end up unemployed and sofa surfing in your 40s...

Although if all you mean by travelling is holidays, rather than travelling for multiple months or years, coming back to earn a bit of money then travelling for another long period (which is what I assumed from the word travelling rather than holidaying) then most of my post doesn't apply as much!

I doubt anyone does actually feel "threatened" by your choices. Why would they? It is more likely they are concerned about whether you have thought through any long term impact on your life.

But you sound pretty clear on knowing what you are postponing by prioritising these choices so go ahead.

I agree with the following from @RaininSummer

Do what you like and can afford but remember not to be resentful or jealous of people who make different choices and may have a more comfortable life when older.

Sometimes people come on here complaining about how they will have to work until they are 70 or never be able to afford to retire as they have no pension savings. In many cases this is unavoidable as they have had a low paid job or caring responsibilities or some other circumstances in life that have prevented saving. But if you actively choose not to not with that or postpone it as a problem for the future then you can't really complain.

Incidentally, waiting until you retire to travel does not necessarily mean you are burnt out! While working and raising a family we did manage lots of UK and European holidays. Now we are in our early 60s and retired we have the time, money and (thankfully) still the health and strength to do some bigger trips.

YANBU

Just don't complain ehen you're in your 40's- 50's without any safety net. Or if you are hit by bad health and have no cash for your healthcare etc.

Or if you're in you 40's and finally ready to settle down but can't have kids if you decide you want kids.

I just see people make bad decisions then look shocked when they are git with the consequences of the bad decisions.

As long as you don't mind the consequences of your decisions I really don't care what you do. And even if you do, it doesn't affect me in the slightest so go ahead and do what you want.

It's just the people that care about you may worry about you.

Isn't that exactly the same as thing as tying yourself down with kids though? In fact you can always stop travelling but not get rid of the kids

The principle is completely fine. I'd just say make sure you're as intentional about this as you think you are. Accept both the pros and cons of your choice. It's not just about whether you prefer the idea of travel now to a home now. It's also about whether you can live with the later regret of not having bought a property better than the future regret of not having travelled.

YANBU op.
Everyone has different priorities and goals.
It does not make you irresponsible as you are making choice based on your circumstances.
Enjoy your life doing what you want to do, if anyone criticises you that’s on them.
Some people at 70 may look back and wish they’d travelled when they were younger, whereas others will look back and be glad they settled down at the age you are now. It is all individual and as long as you can look back and be happy with your decisions that is all that matters

Nothing wrong at all in wanting to travel. However, do think about what you want long-term. Do you want to settle somewhere? Do you want to have your own property as opposed to renting? Do you want children? Don't make decisions now, that could potentially limit your choices in the future and into your old-age. You can have a mortgage and travel. Regardless if you travel and/or have a mortgage, both have to be funded, so you need employment!

On different forums I frequent I see so many people complaining they can't get jobs.
They can't afford a house etc.
Cost of living crisis.

If you think you'll prob live abroad with a lower cost of living then that's fine.

Just don't be shocked if you come back ready to be an adult and find people don't find you suitable to employ. And you're 10-15 years behind in terms of financial stability.

If these things don't matter to you then I can't see any drawbacks to your chosen life

Do you ideally want both?

But also there is not necessarily a time limit on travelling whereas there sort of is on having kids. The chance of being fit and well enough to travel in your 50s and 60s is quite high, the chance of having kids then is, negligible.

It’s absolutely fine if that’s what you want to do and you’re not going to regret not having a family when you’re older. Not everyone wants that.
We do both, though not extensively. Just enough to scratch that itch and our kids enjoy it too.

But not everyone wants kids. If u had to live my life again I wouldn't have them. Yeah I travel now in .y 50s but I'm not as fit and healthy as I was 20 years ago. I can no longer do long hikes and climbs for example

To be honest I feel 30+ is an old enough age where you surely have already found people who have similar interests to you and don’t judge you for your lifestyle. If you still have people in your life that you feel are judgemental, you’re probably not investing energy in the right people and you might need a better filter.

Personally I’m in my 20s and naturally gravitate towards people who are like me eg career driven. I don’t have a lot of friends who prioritised having kids asap or settling down asap. Therefore I don’t get any judgement about wanting to pursue my career or travelling before kids, as I sought out people who have similar life views to my own.

YANBU. Me and DH spent our twenties and early 30's on basically working and travelling. All our annual leave from our respective jobs were used for foreign travel (we even "Bought" extra weeks) and all of our respective wages were spent on saving for foreign travel. "Settling" down with our own home and 2.2 children was never on our minds over that period. We finally got married, bought a house and had a child in our late 30's. It worked out really well as we were ready to settle down by then having seen a huge amount of the World. Now, aged 60, we regret nothing. We both have poor health so foreign travel is now out of the question, but we're so glad we did it when we could and have our memories and experiences. If we'd have "settled" earlier, then had children, etc., we'd almost certainly have missed out on so many foreign experiences as our respective health problems started in our early 50s (particular DH's incurable cancer!). We've told our son to get out there and enjoy his 20s, which he is doing with all kinds of travel, experiences, etc - settling down isn't even on his agenda thankfully!

I bought a house at 23 and got married at 24. All fine, and everything worked out, but I do slightly regret not travelling more before responsibilities kicked in.
However, at 60 I'm also very happily childfree - don't let other people push you into their idea of what you should do, OP.

Let's face it, on your deathbed you'll remember the fabulous places you visited, not the mortgage payments and boring days in an office!

If you want kids and you're in your 30s then at some point (sooner or later depending on where you are in your 30s) you'll need to start prioritising that or you'll run out of time.

If you are ambivalent about kids then I see no problem with what you're doing.

It's fine as long as you understand the implications and don't complain about it later on. I have some relatives who spent their 20s travelling and spending money rather than saving for a deposit and saving for a family, and now in their 30s are struggling to save for a deposit whilst having a baby and also aren't building up their pensions much. It would be fine as that was their choice but they complain all the time about how hard it is for our generation, how they can't save, will never own a house but those of us who prioritised that over travelling in our 20s have houses and savings.On the other hand we didn't get the experiences they did travelling. It's hard to have it all.

You should do what you want. People always assume we should all want the same but life isn’t a one size fits all.

It's fine to live your life in whatever way you see fit. I'm sure that you're not stupid, and that you're capable of thinking through any potential consequences arising from your choices.

Other people will make different choices, which are hopefully right for them. Their choices are also valid, and hopefully they will have thought through any potential consequences too.

I feel that I had the best of both worlds, really. Lived abroad and travelled extensively when I was younger, and continue to travel to a lesser extent now, but none of it at the expense of building a career, having a family and buying our own home. That was the balance that worked for me, but if you choose a different life... that's entirely your prerogative!

I have a relative in his 50’s who loves to tell anyone who might listen about his extensive travelling and how he’s so sad that we are all tied down with mortgages, kids and jobs instead of expanding our minds through travel.

The reality is that we find him a bit tragic these days. No partner, no kids, no assets and still expects his elderly dad to support him and stays with him in his childhood bedroom when he’s back in the UK. He also lacks any awareness that talking about travelling is often as boring as talking about your job… I often think lots of travel mad people in their 20’s would have a rethink of their life choices after a couple of hours with Uncle Dave!

Yeah

Had a brother in law.

Always out and about busy.

Single etc

Telling us how we are wasting our lives at work etc.

Now he's married with 3 kids.

Has a job that doesnt pay the bills. Lives in a house too small for his family. Can't really provide for his kids. And jealous of our lifestyle.

Do it! But make sure you save a little every month towards your pension. You won’t regret it.