Husband's vinyl record shelves- should he pay for them or should we split cost?

[sunflowers365]

My husband and I have moved into a new house. He has a huuuuge collection of vinyl records and he needs to store them somehow. We have got a joiner to do a floor to ceiling inbuilt shelving unit so they can be stored safely and fully and, as you can imagine, it's not cheap. AIBU that he should pay for it all, or should the cost be split as we share a house?

You think this is a ‘Gotcha’ but it really isn’t. For couples who share expenses, yes, they’d share the cost of a gym if it were affordable and one of them wanted it/would benefit from it.

Why should he get his money back? They’re his shelves.

So one person wants a gym and the other just sucks it up and pays half? That’s ridiculous.

Yes - although the hobbies are mostly mine and are mostly funded from the joint account (or are happily funded from the joint account if I run out of my fun money in the month).

We don’t really have a concept of his and hers money.

Not necessarily. It's a large expense so if it isn't agreed on it doesn't happen. But if it is agreed to get something for the house then it would come out of our joint money.

I’m not sure what sarcastic point you’re trying to make here, but I’m about to buy an £8k garden sauna from joint savings that I’ll be surprised if DH uses more than once or twice… so yes, that’s literally how some of us run our relationships. One of us wants something, we decide together if we can afford it, if we can we jointly buy it…

Not sure why your garden thingy is relevant here, the pp was saying any large purchases are household purchases, which I disagree with.

You and your h decided together, so your scenario is different.

Yeah, that’s called ‘marriage’ for a lot of people - shared life, shared finances. I’d hate to feel like I was basically living in a houseshare instead of a true partnership. I used to live with a penny-pinching man who was always ‘that’s yours and this is mine, I spent £30 on lunch and you spent £29 on cinema tickets so you owe me £1’, and it’s not for me.

You sound very patronising. My DH is very generous, but I still don’t think spouses have to co-fund large purchases the other has no use for. It sounds like a scenario where someone who spends more benefits and someone who spends less loses out.

Neither of us would be spending any differently in that scenario. Both of us put everything into the joint current and joint savings account as we have completely shared finances. So literally everything is a joint expense from a cup of coffee to large scale home projects. It's just that some things require discussion and most don't

Yes there are some ways in which both of us might have less to spend on things that completely benefit only the individual but that's part and parcel of being a family.

Depends entirely on how you arrange the finances in your marriage.
I'm guessing you don't pool all your money, or you wouldn't be asking - it would be a non-issue bc it would just come out of joint finances.
So - it would depend. Does he earn more, & is he generous with money? Would he chip in half if it was a big expense for something you wanted?
I sympathise, btw. My ex-H had a huge record collection too and it was quite a relief when he moved out and took them all with him.

I understand your perspective. Thanks for sharing without being patronising.

My DH throws his debit cards to our joint account away, but I still use mine for house stuff, takeaways etc. I rarely use it for my personal stuff even though DH wouldn’t care. When he purchased his nee car, he paid for it with his own bank account, I didn’t get involved as I thought it was a crazy amount to spend on a car, as my car is much smaller and older. He tried to buy me a car and I didn’t want him to, when I buy my next car, I want to research and buy it out of my own account.

Because they are fixtures of the house. A lot of the cost is labour to put them in, if they are taken out and put somewhere else the value is different. If the house is sold there won't be an opportunity to say who paid for the shelves, the house will be 50/50.

This exactly. Big purchases require discussion and agreement. Everything goes into one pot and everything come out of that pot. I suppose if you’re lucky enough to be married to someone who you mostly agree with about financial matters, this works well.

@nomas if my tone was patronising, it was probably in response to your rather puerile incredulity at the thought of married couples sharing the cost of their hobbies.

There’s some rum false equivalences on this thread.