WIBU not to stop at an accident?

[heartlessrubbernecker]

I’m sure IWBU, but this has been niggling at me so I thought I’d post.

On Sunday morning I was driving my DD to a sports club. We came across quite a nasty road accident that had clearly only just happened. I could see 2 cars had been involved, and three other motorists had stopped. One was with the driver of car 1, who was sitting on the side of the road and did look injured. Another motorist was on the phone, presumably to the emergency services, and there was someone else with the driver of car 2 who was still in the car.

There was a car in front of me and two behind. We all had to slow down considerably to pick our way around the debris but none of us stopped. About a minute down the road, a police car came past with sirens and lights heading back towards the accident, and then an ambulance and a fire engine.

I carried on to DDs sports club, trying to answer her questions about “all that blood on that man” and not worry her too much.

Whilst DD does her sport, I sit and have a coffee and a chat with 3 other mums. I told them about the accident, as it was really quite a shocking thing to see.

One of the mum’s immediately got agitated and said she couldn’t believe I didn’t stop and she didn’t think I was “that sort of person”. She said there’s no way she could have driven on, and how heartless I clearly am. She said those “poor drivers have had their lives turned upside down” whilst I “rubbernecked” at their distress and did nothing to help.

I said again that 3 other motorists had stopped to help and clearly the emergency services were on their way. I hadn’t actually seen the accident happen so couldn’t help the police with that. I also have no medical training whatsoever (I’m an accountant!) so there was nothing practical I could do. DD aged 4 was also in the car, so couldn’t leave her on the own whilst I tried to “help” and couldn’t exactly let her tag along either. I made it clear there was obviously nothing I could have done and it wouldn’t have been right for me to stop.

I was really quite surprised by the ferocity of her reaction. I think I could have written that off, but the other 2 mums just sat there silently and occasionally nodded along. Neither said anything to suggest they agreed with me or to calm mum 1 down and I think that’s why it’s niggling. Would you have stopped in thrice circumstances?

I am a bit worried it’s going to be awkward next week, but DD loves the club so I won’t be stopping going. It’s just a shame because I actually did enjoy the coffee and the chat! I might just take a book next week and give the mums a serve!

what do you think?

It looked as if two cars were involved in the accident, and three had stopped to help. Two cars definitely had significant damage and one was half in the ditch.

If there weer no other people there and the emergency services hadn't been called, I would have agreed with her. But the situation was clearly in hand, and you being there wouldn't have done anything.

You did the right thing. You didn’t see the accident, but you did see that other motorists had stopped.

Unless you were a medic, there would’ve been no value in you stopping.

This. Nothing you could have done that wasn't already being done.

If that's how they behave I wouldn't want to get to know them any better.

You did nothing wrong.

I wouldn’t have stopped either, in those circumstances. Other people were already helping and you had a young child with you.

Actually I disagree. I think you should have stopped to check. It’s surprising how useful you can be at the scene of an accident.

I arrived at the scene of a collision between a car and a motorcycle just after it happened - the two cars had ahead stopped to help, and I was next. I had my little boy in the car, we could see the injured man and there were pieces of vehicle on the road - it didn’t appear sensible for cars to “pick their way around the debris” and the other helping were moving around on the road trying to establish who was injured and who was calling emergency services - it was very stressful.

I stopped my car after carefully reversing back twenty yards round the bend, where I knew there was a side turning that cars could easily use to divert around the accident. It meant that no one could get past but also no one could see the person who I thought might have been dying in the street. I then stood by my vehicle and turned the approaching cars around or up the diversion. “There’s been a serious collision, you can’t pass there is an injured man in the road, please can you turn and go a different way. We are waiting for emergency services.”

You’d be astonished how many people swore at me and told me to move my car. One of them became very irate and said he had to get past, so I did move my car for him. I took IMMENSE satisfaction when five minutes later he reversed back up the road and turned up the diversion.I believe I gave him a finger sign and a huge sarcastic grin.

meantime I phoned my husband and he drove up to the accident site to collect my son and take him home.

When the police came they finally cordoned off the street and carried on managing the diversions so I could go home but it was a full 90mins before they mobilised that because I was doing a good job they left me doing it while they sorted out the accident and the diversions on the other side!

So yes, I wouldn’t simply swerve round the debris if I saw an injured person. I wouldn’t be angry with you but I’d be disappointed.

You did nothing wrong as other people had stopped and you had a young child with you. The police don't want hundreds of people stopping and getting in the way.

That woman was an idiot

On the day of my fils funeral I dashed out younger bacon for breakfast and a car had an accident right in front of me (came round a bend too fast, ended up in a tree somehow). Luckily there was another motorist who stopped as I really didn't want to fuck up the funeral of the century (think princess diana type extravagance and mourning)

No - you did the right thing. You weren't a witness, you had a child in the car, there were already 2 people stopped. The last thing the police need are multiple, uninvolved people loitering at the scene, especially with minors in the car.

The most you might have done is left a first aid kit if you had one.

Otherwise just getting out of the way was the best thing for you to do.

This 👆

Agree with other posters. You had clearly and quickly assessed sufficient other motorists has stopped to provide assistance:care while waiting for emergency services. If too many more people stopped it can easily become even more of a distraction/obstruction and possibly cause more problems.

That woman sounds nuts and like someone who probably looks to centre herself in the drama of others so she can tell Everyman and his dog later what a a Good Samaritan she is.

Hoping all this involved are doing ok and also you OP. Seeing the aftermath of accidents is a horrible reminder of how vulnerable we all are on our cars.

The other mum has a bit of a case of main character syndome IMO. A situation like that hardly needs a frightened 4yo added to it, so unless there was nobody else there to help there is no way I would have stopped in your situation.

How ridiculous. You can not stop to help at a crash with a small child in your car, you can't leave them alone in the car and you can't very well get them out and have them assist with you, it's dangerous not to mention frightening.
If you didn't have your child it would have been appropriate to ask if you could do anything to help, prior to the emergency services arriving, for example multiple passengers/children were involved.

For context I am basic first aid trained but wouldn't dream of stopping with my children in the car as their safety and wellbeing is my utmost responsibility and priority.

I am a doctor and therefore have to stop at this kind of thing/stand up on the plane etc. There is nothing worse in these kinds of situations than people who cannot do anything to help getting in the way to look like heroes, sometimes even undermining the people who do know what they are doing. You were absolutely right to briefly look to assess whether there was anything you could usefully do, and then to move on. (You could keep a look out in local media as to whether the police want witnesses to come forward).

YANBU it isn't always safe to stop on a motorway especially. I only stopped once to give my details because I literally saw the accident happen and it was off a slip road where the main traffic wasn't approaching, so there was less danger of a truck hitting us. I was on my own as well, so I had no one else in the car to endanger.

Absolutely this.

I would have stopped only if I saw the accident OR no one else was there.

Otherwise whats the point? If every car within 5 minutes stopped for a car accident, there would be absolute chaos.

There is absolutely a point where being helpful is unhelpful.

It is obviously clear in the circumstances you detail that you shouldn’t have stopped.

💯👏

Exactly where my mind goes to first also.

If you’re a regular civilian (which most of us are) and enough people are already stopped for general assistance and you weren’t a witness, then you’re not needed and just become a gormless bystander getting in the way of the professionals when they do arrive.

It’s scary how some people are devoid of basic common sense - especially when they’re parents!

You were correct to keep going and get out of the way. It sounds like the situation was being handled as best as it could be and that you would not have been able to do more.

Funny you say your an accountant so couldn't help, I am too :) But between T.A. and other things I am involved in now I have a lot of first aid experience. In this scenario I am actually not sure what I would have done, I have a 1yr old DS and a 3yr old DS. If they had been with me I could not have trusted the 3yr old to stay in the car.

Anyway no, you did nothing wrong.

Yes because further obstructing the road is totally safe and very helpful. No.

You had a child in tow with nowhere safe to leave her, you had no special skills that would have been useful in this situation, you did not witness the accident and were not first on the scene.

There were 3 other people helping, that's one with each potentially injured person and one on the phone with ES, who were on their way.

What could you possibly have done except stand around trying to be reassuring with a distressed 4 year old to wrangle? You had every reason NOT to stop. The woman is batshit or stupid. I'm putting my vote on stupid.

Unless you were a witness, medically trained and nobody else had stopped, you were of no use whatsoever to anyone involved. You saw yourself that emergency services had already been called, and others had stopped. Nothing at all for you to do except drive on safely .

If you had stopped, @heartlessrubbernecker, you would have added an extra obstruction to the scene - which might have been worth it IF you had medical skills that could have helped the people involved - but as you didn't have such skills, it would have been a hindrance, not a help if you had stopped.

Also, stopping near an accident, with a child in the car, sounds risky to me - you hear of secondary accidents happening because people are rubbernecking at an accident, and hit someone else - if your car was near the accident site, it could have been hit, with your child in it.

Finally, the emergency services were arriving as you drove past and I'm sure they would have sent you on your way, if you had stopped. They are the experts and generally don't need other people trying to help.

I think you did the right thing. Loads of cars stopping would have been chaos, also what if your daughter started to become distressed and upset, adding further drama?

That woman was both nasty and batshit.
I would avoid her going forward and definitely give the other two a wide berth too.
Twats.

Spoil the NOF ?
(Neck Of Femur fracture)