Potential early red flag?

[cannathinkrn]

I’ve been speaking to a new guy and after my previous relationship I am on high alert to controlling behaviour/ red flags etc.

Just wanted other peoples opinions as I’ve spoken with a friend about him and we’ve both got different thoughts. We’ve spoke for around 2 weeks not yet met but I was considering it, now I’m unsure. We were having a conversation Saturday I said how I was debating going out with a friend for a drink, he replied saying I should stay at home because I’m so beautiful and everyone will see me if I go out. I replied saying what’s the problem with that or something along those lines and again he replied how I’m beautiful and people will try and chat me up. He ended up saying he was joking but not with me? Which I didn't understand I tried asking what he meant but he sort of dismissed it then and dropped it. She said he would have double down on it if he was serious..but we have never met so he wouldn't necessarily double down so soon?

My friend thinks he was joking and that it didn't land with me so he felt embarrassed and left it. Is this a red flag or me over thinking things. It's hard because obviously those kinds of people don't just show their true colours straight away. I wasn't sure if he was testing my reaction. But my ex could be controlling so now I feel on high alert and not sure if I'm just looking into things.

It's a weird thing to say and I would read like you - indicative of the way he thinks.

I think it's a red flag, but also why are you speaking to him so much and so involved after just 2 weeks? Do you think it's serving you well to get so entangled and focused on someone you've never met?

Yeah… the thing about jokes is that they are meant to be funny. And shared.
This is neither.

”Jokes” are often a way of testing how you'll react, offering a way to pull back from something questionable.
🚩

He sounds very insecure. That is a red flag.

Run away

He's trying to control you

I think it COULD be a red flag for controlling behaviour.

It could also just be a red flag for icky behaviour. That sort of saccharine sweet "you're so beautiful" vibe makes my teeth itch.

Put all his messages into
Brenda and Frank ChatGPT and it will scan it for manipulation.

Yes to this. Red flag or not I would not meet him purely for the ick I would feel at such a comment.

If someone makes you question yourself after only two weeks, before you’ve even met, ditch them.

Yes I also think a potential red flag x

Classic abuse tactic. The whole if you go out you'll get hit on so please stay home. Many an abuser has used that shit. If you had have stayed home that would have been a win for him because he's see that as him being able to control you

Red flag for me I'm afraid (said as someone who has done quite a lot of OLD in the past).

RUN! Red flag

I think he was trying to push a boundary with you (telling you what you can and can’t do when you haven’t even bloody met yet) to see how you’d react.

Could it be a bad joke that landed wrong? Okay, maybe. But if a guy was worth my time and trying to impress me into ever actually meeting him, I’d expect nothing but ‘cool, have a fun night!’

His reaction, even if not meant to be controlling, is just icky. You aren’t a pretty doll to be kept on a shelf because you are too beautiful. That’s just grim.

It is a very very weird thing to even think let alone say out loud, even as a joke. And even in the best case scenario where it was a "joke" that he "didn't mean", he should have instantly realised when it didn't land that he'd come out with a very controlling trope and apologised. I wouldn't be seeing him again.

So obviously a joke!

There's a red flag alright. And it's not him.

Sorry OP, but I don't think you're ready to date anyone.

BIN

Red flag for me.

He sounds insecure and jealous. Almost like he thinks women are passive beings, floating around 'getting chatted up' then whisked away with certainty by whichever man utters one sentence to them. Like you have no fucking volition of your own. Like man speaks to woman inevitably equal woman has sex with man.

'If someone 'chats me up' then I'll make a decision at the time whether to engage with them or not, due to the fact I'm a grown adult woman.'

You’re talking to him 2 weeks , what’s he like to talk to ? Is he always messing around or what ? or a serious kind of a guy ? ..
Have you spoken to him on phone , video chat ?
Like what vibes is he giving you so far ?
To be honest , whether they’re joking or whatever, the whole “ you’re so beautiful “ , would give me the ick full stop ..
The geuine lads just , I don’t know , talk different

Well said. This level of thinking belongs well in the past.
And even to think it constitutes flattery shows (to me) that this bloke has a good bit of evolving to do before he’s worth OP’s time.

Really? What makes you say/think that?

Yeah I know!

Just an update.

I've decided not to continue speaking or plan to meet up. I told him earlier I was in town grabbing a few bits and he kept asking if I was home, I said no why. And again he said because he doesn't want people to see me. Adding a load of emojis to come across like he's joking, but I don't know why someone would even say that anyway or why it would even pop into their head. Thank you for the replies anyway.