Potential early red flag?

[cannathinkrn]

I’ve been speaking to a new guy and after my previous relationship I am on high alert to controlling behaviour/ red flags etc.

Just wanted other peoples opinions as I’ve spoken with a friend about him and we’ve both got different thoughts. We’ve spoke for around 2 weeks not yet met but I was considering it, now I’m unsure. We were having a conversation Saturday I said how I was debating going out with a friend for a drink, he replied saying I should stay at home because I’m so beautiful and everyone will see me if I go out. I replied saying what’s the problem with that or something along those lines and again he replied how I’m beautiful and people will try and chat me up. He ended up saying he was joking but not with me? Which I didn't understand I tried asking what he meant but he sort of dismissed it then and dropped it. She said he would have double down on it if he was serious..but we have never met so he wouldn't necessarily double down so soon?

My friend thinks he was joking and that it didn't land with me so he felt embarrassed and left it. Is this a red flag or me over thinking things. It's hard because obviously those kinds of people don't just show their true colours straight away. I wasn't sure if he was testing my reaction. But my ex could be controlling so now I feel on high alert and not sure if I'm just looking into things.

Omg that’s so weird of him to say that OP.

Good decision!

Yeah, I wouldn't have met him either.

It's hard because obviously those kinds of people don't just show their true colours straight away.

Actually, they usually do. Just like this one did.

But many women put it down to 'joking' (like your friend) or think it's 'sweet' and shows 'he really likes me'. Or don't like it but plough ahead anyway and ignore it.

Well done for spotting it and acting decisively!

Yeah throw this one back op, he’s definitely giving controlling vibes.

Ah, your gut feelings were confirmed. I think if he’d said it as a one-off, it could have been construed as a weird, awkward comment that he’d said out of nervousness but yikes, you’ve not even met the guy and he’s already worried that you’re leaving the house. Nope and goodbye!

Is his first language English? Is this a cultural thing? Does sound odd!

No, it's is not 'so obviously' a joke, because this is the sort of shit abusive, controling men say in the early days. If you have some way of knowing this man 100% was joking and is not comtroling, please do share, otherwise, you 'so obviously' do not know for sure.

Glad you’re not going to meet him. Hope you cut him off completely. All that not wanting people to see you made me wonder if he has a dungeon in his cellar with your name on. (That is almost entirely a joke )

Wow! Why so aggressive?

I’d view you as a much bigger red flag with that kind of sarcasm and aggression. And yes, I’ve read the updates. I still think the guy was joking, I would have at least gone on a date with him. He’s now being massively sarcastic because OP has taken his comment unnecessarily to dark places.

I am 54 and have had several serious relationships with men over the years. Good men (so I obviously possess the ability to see a red flag!). Clearly, you haven’t and I am sorry for you.

He sounds batshit.
Read "Women who love too much" by Robin Norwood.

The www.freedomprogramme.co.uk is good too to help with your boundaries.

Red flag for me. "You are so beautiful, you should stay at home." WTAF??? I can't imagine ever wanting to speak to a man again who had such a shot attitude to women, even in jest.

You go where you like, when you like, looking however you want to look. It is no one's business but yours.