Do you use a knife and fork?

[beebee25]

I was in a pub the other day and was queuing at the bar for a drink. There was a group of people eating a roast dinner nearby. One of the diners was just using a fork to eat her food. Scooping it up on her fork and shovelling it in. She seemed to be struggling with her Yorkshire pudding and got her knife out for a bit and chopped it up and then reverted to a fork.. why would somebody eat like this? I appreciate she may have been American but I have noticed recently a few young people eating like this. This makes me irrationally irritated and I have no idea why.

DS has AuDHD and, despite us being a ‘use your knife and fork, elbows off the table’ good manners type family, he (to my frustration) eats like this, so I wouldn’t judge someone I didn’t know for eating differently these days.
I sometimes feel embarrassed eating in public with him, so it’s hugely upsetting to think someone like yourself would think so badly of him, and us as a family.
He also has cousins who eat practically everything with their hands because they can’t use cutlery but, to look at them, you wouldn’t know they were autistic.
Please don’t just assume this is simply an issue of bad table manners.

Americans, and my half American step children. It’s a thing. Manners are weird aren’t they? We are so conditioned to thinking what we do is ‘right’ but as long as someone isn’t chewing with their mouth open I’m reasonably comfortable with most things. Though do remember one of the stepchildren’s friends coming round for tea, must have been 9 or 10, and it became clear he’d never eaten food before that required a knife and fork. He’s now a teacher. Nice lad.

Honestly I think it’s ruder to be studying someone else eating this intently, and you really must have been!

I would assume they’d run out of knives.

In public, yes. At home alone, it varies, eg, some meals can be fingerfood.

As on so many other threads this week - get a life or a hobby for yourself, and don't be critical of others.

It's not an attractive trait.

My DC refuses all cutlery other than spoons. He’s probably ND. Life is too short OP, honestly.

If ny mother were alive, she would be 85
Not American.
Always ate fork only unless she had a big lump of meat.
I usually do too.

You can be as irritated as you like.

I find using my left arm for more than about 30 seconds at a time extremely painful due to a spinal injury.

I tend to cut most foods with the side of my fork and eat only using a fork in my right hand. If I really have to cut something with a knife I'll cut until it hurts too much to keep going, then swap back to my fork and eat until the pain dies down. Then repeat until everything is cut.

Genuinely couldn't give a shit if it offends people. I'm doing my best and that's all anyone can ask of me.

But do you ‘shovel’ your food in, @DoAWheelie ?

If I'm hungry enough! I do tend to scoop with the fork as it causes me less pain overall. Just sitting at a table really hurts so I want to be done and back on the sofa with my cushions propping me up.

If I go out for lunch I have to take morphine just to tolerate sitting there.

I judge if someone uses their knife with their left hand and their fork with their right hand.

i would argue that you are being unreasonably judgemental

surely only the fork goes into the mouth? So saying she shovelled it in? That’s independent of using a knife. So you are criticising her while eating technique but asking only about the knife and fork

Why do you use a knife other than to cut things up ? ? Why do we use forks rather than spoons? It’s just cultural tradition ?

save your judgement for things that matter ?

Again why? Especially for left handed people - and a good number of them have been forced to use their right hand

it’s not like we wipe bums with one hand or the other and don’t wash

What if they're left handed?

Ugh this reminds me of the attitude of my MIL, so fucking uptight, yes she was English and had a fucking rod up her arse! Judged anyone who didn’t sit at the table like they were at downtown fucking Abbey!! Seriously @beebee25 its 2025 who gives an actual shit!

I tend to just use a fork, cutting my food with the edge of the fork. Unless it's a thick cut of meat or something.

I don't think I "shovel" in, I think I fork in, given a fork is being used, not a shovel.

But why? The British way is not the only ‘normal’ way to eat. I eat with my fork in my right hand because I’m Muslim and we don’t eat with our left because the left is for cleaning ourselves after using the bathroom. My dad would only eat with a fork and so would my husband for this reason except if they need to cut something.

I cut my food up with a knife and fork, then switch to using my fork in my right hand to convey food to mouth. Works for me. I’m not that fussed if other people “judge”: the invisible thoughts inside a stranger’s head have no impact on me, and they can’t be enjoying their own dinner or the company they’re with very much if they’re looking around the restaurant to see how other people are eating.

I'm autistic and use a spoon for 90% of my meals. Not sure why.

YABU to assume that bad table manners = American.

Logical choice for most food as it balances more easily and you don’t get the tines in your mouth which is horrid

My Dh rarely uses a knife i have never really thought about it tbh, op the queue at the bar must have been long, for you to stare at somebody eating so intently where are your manners 😀

I don’t think this is anything to do with “manners”. It’s etiquette. Manners is things that affect other people - like talking with food in your mouth, touching communal food, taking the last of something etc. it’s bad manners to do any of those things.
cutlery usage is just convention. I don’t see how it affects you at all. To me the main function of etiquette is to show up those who don’t know the rules. I eat using however I feel most comfortable - thinking about it this is normally with just a fork. People can judge but I’m not sure what the issue is meant to be.

I think OP clearly meant that they may be American in which case their ‘manners’ are just different when it comes to cutlery.

I also don’t like seeing people with horrendous table manners but it only really bothers me if I’m sat opposite and they’re chewing with their mouth open or something.