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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not let DS play against this team?

49 replies

WorriedFootieMum · 10/11/2025 19:29

DS is 15 and has played football for local teams for 10+ years. There's one particular team in his side's league who have form for violent behaviour at their matches. Most of the time it's low-level stuff - rough tackles, pushing, sly digs in the ribs when they're bunched up for corners etc. - but there have been two games this year where it's escalated into real fights. In the summer a group of school friends turned up, waited for the end of the match and set upon a boy, pushing him to the ground and repeatedly kicking him in the head and ribs until parents rushed over to intervene. On Saturday, there were escalating incidents culminating in one of their players punching a boy on DS's team who had just scored and both sides piling in. It took the ref, coaches and parents several minutes to break it up.

Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt but I don't want DS playing against them again. What happens if a punch or shove goes astray and someone suffers a real injury? Or one of their mates turns up at the next match with a knife? One of the mums was knocked hard to the ground on Saturday trying to shield our team's players from the other side attacking them and has been off work with concussion. That's bad enough, but imagine it was a child.

WIBU to tell our coach that DS will no longer be playing against this side? I'm genuinely concerned for his safety and that of the other players.

OP posts:
ScrambledEggs12 · 10/11/2025 19:33

If enough people pull out of the match so it's not viable won't the other team win by default? Can the team be reported?

ilovelamp82 · 10/11/2025 19:33

Does he want to play? I wouldn't like it either. My son plays rugby and injuries are common so I'm nervous every game, but I think ultimately it's up to him. How old is he? I would definitely speak to the coach/ref and ask what's being done in order to ensure the kid safety.

HonoriaBulstrode · 10/11/2025 19:34

Hasn't the league or the FA taken action? Surely the team and the individual players should face sanctions.

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 10/11/2025 19:35

The team should be on a suspension for behaviour like that. Has it been reported?

ilovelamp82 · 10/11/2025 19:35

Sorry, I see he's 15. I think really he needs to decide for himself. Being part of a team and having each others backs against people like this will likely help him for potential situations later in life. I would seriously hate it too. Does he want to play?

Fitzcarraldo353 · 10/11/2025 19:36

The FA take incidents like this incredibly seriously in my experience. That team would be heavily fined, if not banned. Has it been reported formally?

Keepoffmyartichokes · 10/11/2025 19:36

Your coach needs to report this team to your county. Every team who plays this other team need to do this. We played a rough team, at a much younger age, but it was shocking how violent they were and my DH who is the coach reported the team to the league. They took it seriously and it turned out it was one of the managers who was encouraging it. He was removed from the club and the team are great now. The coach of the offending team needs dealing with if he is allowing this. Your coach could also take a stance and refuse to play the team. It would go as a loss but might be worth it.

Timeforaglassofwine · 10/11/2025 19:37

I was ready to roll my eyes and tell you to stop being precious from the title, but bloody hell @WorriedFootieMum, I would be worried too. I'm shocked that the team hasn't been kicked out of the competition for this behaviour. I would speak to other parents and the coach about about very careful planning to make sure your team's kids are all whisked away straight after the match.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 10/11/2025 19:37

I wouldn't. There was a court case a few years ago about an amateur female rugby player who was known for rough play and eventually broke an opponent's back.

WorriedFootieMum · 10/11/2025 19:38

I don't know whether the league is taking any action. I can ask our coach.

DS is 15 and just likes playing football. He said he was surprised that the match restarted. I didn't even see where he was in the pile-on at the weekend. He has a thwacking great bruise in an unusual place but he's insisting on blaming it on the cat 🙄

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Kneeslikethese · 10/11/2025 19:39

At 15 it needs to be his choice. He's not going to thank you if he's te lad who's mum won't let him play.
I do agree its unacceptable behaviour and would be encouraging him to tell the coach that.

HonoriaBulstrode · 10/11/2025 19:40

Has it been reported formally?

Doesn't the ref submit a match report?

WorriedFootieMum · 10/11/2025 19:44

Timeforaglassofwine · 10/11/2025 19:37

I was ready to roll my eyes and tell you to stop being precious from the title, but bloody hell @WorriedFootieMum, I would be worried too. I'm shocked that the team hasn't been kicked out of the competition for this behaviour. I would speak to other parents and the coach about about very careful planning to make sure your team's kids are all whisked away straight after the match.

Haha yes, I get the "don't be precious" angle. TBH if it was just tempers flaring and a massive scrap like on Saturday then I would write it off as an unfortunate learning experience for both teams. It's the pattern of escalating violence this year and the involvement of outsiders that's got me truly concerned.

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Keepoffmyartichokes · 10/11/2025 19:45

HonoriaBulstrode · 10/11/2025 19:40

Has it been reported formally?

Doesn't the ref submit a match report?

They do and the managers do as well. We have found you need to go direct to the County FA in a separate email to get it dealt with.
If it were me I would speak to the other parents in the team, gauge their thoughts and then have a chat with your coach about your concerns. Ask him if he has reported it. You can also report it, anyone can contact the county FA. You could also contact the Welfare office of the club the violent team are part of and report it.

CurlewKate · 10/11/2025 19:45

I am somewhat baffled that there hasn’t been a report by the ref and the coach-I’d be asking the coach about it.

WorriedFootieMum · 10/11/2025 19:45

HonoriaBulstrode · 10/11/2025 19:40

Has it been reported formally?

Doesn't the ref submit a match report?

No idea. I'd assume so. We were very lucky with the ref this weekend. He's a very experienced older man. I'd hate one of the young refs to be placed in his situation. Which is maybe why he was there!

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Foxpooshampoo · 10/11/2025 19:49

It has to be reported to the league

Makemeanonymous · 10/11/2025 19:57

I don't understand why this team haven't been banned from the league.

You and the other parents should be getting the coaches to clarify what sanctions are being taken against this team. Not only are they are bringing the game into disrepute they are behaving in a way that is actually criminal.

Hiptothisjive · 10/11/2025 21:07

Fitzcarraldo353 · 10/11/2025 19:36

The FA take incidents like this incredibly seriously in my experience. That team would be heavily fined, if not banned. Has it been reported formally?

Totally agree. They will have a country representative and will fully investigate.

Report the team to the FA. No one shoulld have to deal with that at a football game.

Also, each game shoukd have a report from thr ref and each coach so why hasn’t this been raised before?!?!!

WorriedFootieMum · 10/11/2025 21:37

I checked with our coach and a report has been made. Apparently this team had 3 players carded the match before ours and there's a definite pattern of behaviour so the league will intervene.

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WorriedFootieMum · 10/11/2025 21:38

I asked DS what he thought and he said I have a point. He wants them thrown out if the league though rather than have to forfeit a game against them - fair enough!

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OneNewLeader · 13/11/2025 06:14

Surely at 15 this is his call to make? Appreciate you’re worried, but he might not be.

Restlessinthenorth · 13/11/2025 06:50

As the mum of a 14 year old footballer, I can categorically confirm my son would laugh me out of town if i suggested he shouldn't play in this circumstance. It's their sport, their hobby that they train hard for. It's a contact sport. We've had broken bones in fair challenges, you can't protect them by not allowing them to play in matches where you perceive risk. It just doesn't work like that. The team learns together how to manage these situations; it might be the first rough team they have played but it won't be the last, especially as they move towards open age. As others have said, the right way for this to be challenged is by the FA. I've seen kids do far less than you describe brought in front of the FA with significant bans. Hopefully they will intervene rapidly here too

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 13/11/2025 07:17

Forget football. Protect your son. Like hell would my kid be involved in that (and he plays football at a decent level).

Elgenius · 13/11/2025 07:24

I manage a kids football team within a very high standard club, for context im an experienced uefa licenced manager, with links to clubs in the premier league and top flight teams abroad.

in my 20+ years experience i have seen this often. Mark my words, the fa will do absolutely nothing. If you think they are a safety net you’re wrong. The club is paying to be part of the league and the fa want their income, they will not take any action I assure you of that.

in the next month mu team has 2 matches against teams in this category, as a manager im dreading it because each and every one of my boys is like extended family to me, I don’t want to see any of them hurt and whilst mine aren’t exactly shy and retiring, the reality is the 2 teams I have in mind that we will be playing are brutal.

there is safety in numbers, and a good team will rally and help each other. If your sons team has multiple coaches it can be useful to ‘plant’ one on the parents side of the pitch, they will see a different perspective that way.

sorry I can’t be more reassuring, definitely report it to the fa but I guarantee they don’t care. I have tested my theory by making comments in my own match reports that in theory should have got me into low level trouble, I’ve used the words cheat, corrupt etc which are absolute no nos, and never and so much as a phone all telling me not to, and this is at a high standard, at grassroots they just don’t care at all

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