To be surprised by the number of needing high value or "present pile" threads

[Breadcat24]

Bearing in mind most people are being hit by the increase in cost of living I am really surprised by the amount of threads around the following-
I want a present pile
They do not want to spend on my presents
I am being expected to spend more than I can afford
They are prioritising something else over buying presents

Christmas has become so transactional, with people just buying stuff. Fine if you can afford it but do not pressure other people. And also it is a shame about all the bulking up with plastic tat.
I am really surprised because I thought most people were moving to less but higher value/ sentiment.
Expecting a load of flack. End of the day do Christmas your way, but I am surprised bulk and high expenditure is still the goal

Transactional is exactly it. Many close relationships are basically power struggles conducted via food and present buying.

Transactional and consumerist tat-fest. Plastic fantastic. Fuck the planet.

Ho ho ho.

YANBU. In terms of anyone expecting you to spend more than you can afford just say - sorry, that’s not in my budget. Keep saying it like a broken record until they stop or suggest something cheaper.

I completely agree with you OP. The excess seems to increase every year while most people have less money each year. And the poor planet suffers more and more.

My friend's family used to swap receipts as well as presents at Xmas, and make up the difference with payments if there was a discrepancy in spending 😳

I guess at least it was an honest transaction!

I totally agree OP. Even in my own family I've seen it - everyone is expected to circulate a Christmas list in November and everyone else dutifully buys something from it, and it all feels so transactional. Gone are the days of seeing something you think a person would like and getting that, apparently!

There seems to be so much tit-for-tat in terms of ensuring absolute parity of value, followed by one party feeling hard done by and the other feeing pressured to keep up excessive spending.

In an ideal world people would spend what they can comfortably afford on things they felt happy and excited about buying and the recipients would feel grateful and thought of and nobody would give two hoots whether one present cost £5 and the other £20, because what matters is the care and attention, not the monetary value.

For several years I’ve received nothing for Christmas and have really reduced my spending on family. I sometimes think I live on different plant to the average mumsnet user. I have a budget of £70 per child (I have two children) and I only have a £30 budget for food on the day. The excess on here really shocks me but I don’t really mix with wealthy people apart from my mum.

I bloody hate Christmas. The shops are full of people buying crap for people they don’t want to buy for with money they can’t afford. Bah Humbug!

There’s one in particular I’m thinking of and the OP is frankly batshit.

I neeeed to know! 😀

Every year I shake my head at the “ Show me Your Present Pile/ Christmas fridge” threads on here. I know we can all just scroll by , but I can’t help how awful it must be to see that if you are struggling just to by a single present for your kids. But I get accused of being dramatic and taking the fun out of Christmas if I say anything on those threads!

@Chimneyonya OP is genuinely upset that she only has £200 each to spend on her two adult children and that they won’t get piles of tat

The history, politics, mythology, etiquette and psychology of gift giving has been extensively studied. Of course gift giving is transactional. It’s done to create, recognise and preserve relationships. There’s always a delicate balance to tread. Well off and high status people tend to be given gifts of higher value even though, paradoxically, they have less material need. Rarity, cost, context and presentation have different weights.

Cardinal Wolsey gave Hampton Court to Henry VIII to try to save his life. It didn’t work.

@HoppityBun So we are learning nothing in hundreds of years.

Lets take some pressure off.
I dread to think how many people get in debt for Christmas.
And no this is not from my own circumstances- I do not have much family left. it is purely inspired by the threads on here

I don't believe half of the threads I read on MN these days, but there's been some very suspect Christmas present 'priority' threads lately.

Some of it's just attention seeking guff.

And instead of doing something about it, like saying no present buying for adults, they stress, and then complain about it all.😵‍💫

This sums it up beautifully

My adult children this year have all asked for £100 to go in their LISA
Sign of the times a couple of years ago they would’ve wanted perfume or tat

I'm not believing in all of these threads about transactional Christmas bollocks. It will be a new theme soon.

I don’t know if this of any use OP but our family are asked to spend no more than £5 each on one present only. No tat.
Its so sad that Christmas has become so commercialised, few seem to celebrate the true meaning and people become so stressed at making everything ‘perfect’.

Christmas present buying outside your very close family is a curse. Look at the endless unused items for sale second hand and in charity shops. All that wasted money, it's totally totally nuts!

My step-mother (who I'm pretty much fully estranged from) keeps sending gifts. Last year it was 2 x cheap cross body bags for the women and cheap wallets for the men. We will never, ever use them. Why did she do this?

That is utterly batshit 😳😳

YANBU and I know I’ll be absolutely annihilated for this but, rent/mortgage aside, I wonder how much the ‘cost of living crisis’ is down to the fact everyone seems to be a spendaholic now who see nothing less than perfection as adequate.

My friends (early to mid 30s, most on average or slightly higher than average wages) seem to think a normal life is a home which is completely modern and perfectly curated with ultra stylish furniture, getting nails and lashes done every 3 weeks at £100 a pop, a gym membership for £100 a month, one or two big holidays and numerous weekends away a year, new clothes and shoes every month, a Stanley cup, a massive SUV, trips to the zoo/theme parks/days out most weekends, and going ‘all out’ for birthdays with balloon arches, commissioned cakes and ‘present piles’.

They then wonder why ‘financially things are tight’.

Come on people, they're on the wind-up. They know consumerist Christmas stuff riles Mumsnet like nothing else.

I hate plastic tat.

No one wants that. It's purely for the parent thinking their child needs a "wow" as they walk through the door. The kid loves a wow, but actually wants little of the stuff it comprises of.

I like the gasps of wow. And it's easy when they're little and a slide seems huge, towering over them, so that, wrapped does the job for £100. When they get older, the trick is to achieve the wow/size/impact by more creative methods than plastic shite from B&M wrapped and stacked. A huge box filled with helium balloons is a good bet.

They get to a certain age and they understand the values better and don't need a wow.