'In the trenches'

[saraclara]

AIBU to think that referring to early motherhood as being 'in the trenches' is pretty crass? I've always hated it, but this week it's particularly jarring.

Being in the trenches meant sheer terror, millions of deaths (around 3m died in the trenches) and many more injured and traumatised for the rest of their lives.

Comparing wrangling toddlers, to that, just seems deeply inappropriate, imo.

D'oh.

I'm a life long teacher of severely learning disabled children. The offensive r word that comes straight to my mind is clearly different from most people's!

Just ignore that post!

It’s just hyperbole.
If they meant it it would be offensive. Intent is everything.

That’s because quite often because the poster is either being unreasonable or not being unreasonable, and that’s why the vote and comments follow it, it’s a common opinion. Not because people just copy each other, it’s bizarre that you think that.

I can’t put it better than this!

There are loads of English sayings that derive from pretty horrible things in history. Many are in everyday use and their origin has largely been forgotten - think “beyond the pale”, “bite the bullet” etc. For me, context is king. When it’s obviously a metaphor and the meaning is obvious, I can’t see the problem.

some mums kill themselves after suffering from PND

some mums end up in hospital with exhaustions

some women don't even know that the injuries and pain they have post birth are not normal and should be looked at by a doctor

I had it easy, but I can still not be so blind to think motherhood is easy for everyone. Or smug to think being lucky is anything more than luck.

Some people feel that way about "get in the bin". Didn't a soldier die in a bin a few years ago?

Orrrrrrrr let's not get too specific about idiomatic language. It will all offend someone, but without it our language would be entirely colourless.

I am a veteran and I don't much like it. So, I don't use it. I don't police other people's language though. How people choose to speaks tells you a lot about who they are.

There are other phrases that MN get het up about that I see as normal phrases. Yet because of their historical origin (longer ago than WW1), there are plenty on MN who see them as offensive.

❄️❄️❄️

It’s a metaphor love. Why do people choose to get so offended about stupid shit?

I think in the trenches just means that relentlessness with little to no respite in the early years. Also different babies and people are different some people find it harder than others some have easier babies or young children, so many variables.

In my case in the first 7 years of parenthood, I was fine with the kids but really felt that my marriage was over and more or less assumed it would terminally break down at any moment or that we'd inevitably separate once the kids were older. However by some fluke we got one kid free weekend and went away together and it was literally the first time we'd spend whole days away from the kids since they'd been born and it was only there I realised that we did still love really each other but that most of the time we were both so under duress and over stimulated by family life that we just couldn't connect to ourselves or each other possibly because we are both quite introverted people.

We held on to that for a long time even though time alone was infrequent and now the kids are older it is much better but when they were little it was very much like being in survival mode working, domestic chores, looking after them and not much else. For me anyway there is some truth in the saying that kids bring you joy but also destroy all the other sources of joy in your life.

People have started using it where I work. I do want to say - you work from home in IT Darren give it a rest. Some people have said that language evolves which I agree and is right - but in this case it's hyperbole that's evolving.

Absolutely yanbu in your view and the truth is, of course you are correct.

However, I do think that when you have several children, 3 under 4 or 5years, getting zero sleep, children are ill and you don't have family help, you can absolutely feel like you are drowning.

You can feel that nothing in your life has prepared you for this.

I think the expression comes from a feeling that you are completely stuck where you are and that you just have to somehow survive it.

But if you have read the experiences of very often the youngest of soldiers during both wars in any detail, you would definitely not believe the two are comparable.

My grandmother told me her cousin and his best friend signed up for WW1 as 18 year olds.
Her cousin returned some years later having miraculously survived, but struggled with his health for the rest of his life.

I think you missed the bit where I clearly said I don’t find it offensive. Just fucking boring and overused.

I find the phrase irritating but voted YABU because ultimately it is just a bit of hyperbole, like many turns of phrase are.

People say they’ve got the plague when they have a bad cold. One third of Europe died of the plague in the 1300s. I don’t find it offensive. As others have said, language evolves

I just got in touch (via Ouija board) with an ancestor from the 1300s who is very upset about our use of language about the plague in 2025. They have been very triggered.

🙄

Nowadays it’s just a metaphor for a long and challenging task. It’s daft to take offence. Would you be offended by other metaphors with similar origins - in the line of fire, on the front line, having a skirmish…?

They’re all in common parlance. No-one cares.

Voted for ring. YABU

People have started using it where I work. I do want to say - you work from home in IT Darren give it a rest.

😂

Oh please say it one day @TorroFerney !

You will sound like a right muppet if you say that. Darren knows. Darren is not expecting you to believe he's in an actual war zone, or believe he's in live WW1 tranches.

Ffs. It’s hyperbole. Nobody thinks it’s as bad as literally being in active combat. Get a grip.

It's just an expression that's evolved over the decades to mean something that is tough to go through, and wears you down. Chill your boots @saraclara

WW1 soldiers were talking about the plague back then, from the bottom of their trenches. Shame.

YABU - it’s an idiom.

YABU
We call a night before we go to work ‘A school night’.
If someone’s got a leg that’s broken in three places we say ‘I’ve got this stupid leg’
If someone’s in a challenging season we say they’re ’in the trenches’.
It’s entirely benign and not intended to offend.
Get over yourself.