'In the trenches'

[saraclara]

AIBU to think that referring to early motherhood as being 'in the trenches' is pretty crass? I've always hated it, but this week it's particularly jarring.

Being in the trenches meant sheer terror, millions of deaths (around 3m died in the trenches) and many more injured and traumatised for the rest of their lives.

Comparing wrangling toddlers, to that, just seems deeply inappropriate, imo.

It is a phrase I absolutely hate - to be fair, I loved parenthood, right from the start.

Early motherhood is tough but 'in the trenches' can fuck right off on many levels, but then so can a lot of the expressions here, on MN. 'Reach out' being one of many

Sometimes I would say my house looks like a war zone, I never thought if it being offensive although I probably wouldn't say it in front of a 100 yr old veteran (now you mention it).

OP, how would you describe the early days of parenthood?

Words are used in all kinds of ways- “that’s insane”, “it was a nightmare”, “I’m on cloud 9”, “it’s a winter wonderland”.

do you get as annoyed about people saying 'I'm starving' when they're a bit hungry, given that billions of people have starved to death in famines over the centuries?
or when someone says 'I'm going to kill him/them,' when their partner/children do something annoying, given how many people have been murdered in history?
or 'I'm dying' when they're hungover or have bad period cramps, when so many people have died.
or 'It's like torture' when neighbour's dc is practicing their violin?
etc

unless you can honestly say you have never used a slightly hyperbolic metaphor yourself, YABU.

Yeah I also hate it. I only really see it on here thankfully. I also despise the term "mental load".

It’s a battle
I am drowning in work
I am having a breakdown
I am dying to be with …
Pushes my buttons

Or 'the traffic was murder', or 'her nappy was absolute carnage' 😅

Some people are just super sensitive though. I was following an article on FB, and someone commented. Their surname was 'Rape', and someone actually told them that their surname was offensive.

The house is like a war zone, zoo, battle ground
Its carnage in here

Or my personal favourite - there is a special spot for you under the patio.

I like the quirky use of the English language personally

Wow, bit extreme. Two young kids, juggling a full-time job and childcare and an absent "co-parent", yeah, I've used the expression. If you can't understand the concept of a metaphor that's unfortunate. It must be incredibly difficult to constantly police your own vocabulary (if "police" is allowed) to the extent you seem to think we should.

Crikey I would never think to be offended at this. It seems folk can barely say anything these days without somebody being offended.

The r word can be extremely triggering for survivors so that doesn’t surprise me, but not many of us have been in the trenches during a world war.

This thread is hilarious, we are in danger of losing all sense of perspective. All these sayings are in common usage, we don't have to be literal all the time, it's the beauty of our descriptive language. it's not disrespectfull and people can differentiate between hyperbolic language and actual reality.

It was someone's surname though. Triggers aside, what is to be gained by telling someone that their name is offensive?

Yes, I don't like the r word used inappropriately but that's my problem no one else's.

You can’t find it that crass if you are happy to make an AIBU about it because of the war. Nobody at all is implying it’s the same as being in that terror at war, it’s a metaphor and a perfectly fine one. You aren’t obligated to use it.

I am sure the broken survivors of WW1 are very grateful for you to be offended on their behalf.

If that makes you feel better, I doubt anyone is confusing motherhood with the gory scenes recreating in the best war movies.

I don't find it offensive in relation to veterans but it does bloody annoy me. It's over dramatic and makes motherhood sounds shit and something to be endured. I love being a mum, I'm certainly not 'surviving' it.

The mental load and life admin are annoying as fuck too. It's just a daily task it doesn't need a name!

Plenty of people don’t love it in the early days and are just surviving it though, those mothers aren’t speaking for you.

It's interesting that though 34% think I'm not unreasonable, it's the ones that think that I am, that are posting.

I get why though. When the early posts take a robust stand one way or another, that's the way that threads tend to flow. It's pretty intimidating to post against the tide.

Well that’s a new one, you don’t really accept the vote because everyone was copied the first few posts 😂 even though the comments and the vote majority are YABU. Ok then.

I think your example of the r word, is other people's problem too. Its use makes life harder for people with learning difficulties and their families. Unlike 'in the trenches' it denigrates, even mocks them. So I think it's important to pull people up on it.

I think you're mixing up your R words.

PP was on about rape.

And given trenches warfare was WW1, who is getting offended by it? They are all dead of old age now.
It is virtue signalling rubbish to be offended by something that does not apply to you at all.

You misunderstand. I accept the vote. I also find the responses interesting. But I'd also be interested in what those who voted in agreement with me, think about it.

It's a very well known pattern, often commented on, that the early posts in AIBU threads tend to set the tone.