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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in wanting to speak to the woman round the corner about her small son?

49 replies

2shoes · 07/06/2008 12:45

he is about 4(and a cutie) he plays out in the street. he is calling for the boy over the road at the moment.
Now leaving out the bit of should he, shouldn't he be playing out. I and my next door neighbour have noticed he has no road sense. he just wanders into the road, although ours is a quiet culdesac. from where she lives his mum cannot see him, and cars do go quite fast.

so next time I see her do i mention our concerns or not?

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 07/06/2008 12:49

I would.

lucyellensmum · 07/06/2008 12:50

i totally understand your worries. The trouble is, if she is the sort to let him out unsupervised, she probably wont thankyou for your advice - shame, its worrying that they are out so young. If you are on speaking terms with her, could you mention it in passing that there was a near miss or soemthing??

lucyellensmum · 07/06/2008 12:51

Maybe she assumes the older ones are looking out for him. Could you say to her that they are not - that way you are not "judging" the fact that he is out playing.

lulumama · 07/06/2008 12:52

absolutely

i had a similar dilemma, with the child of a really good friend who lives very near me. her child was cycling home from school, and came out from behind a bus and across two lanes of traffic, right in front of my car, wihotu looking! i had to slam on my brakes, and i don;t drive fast.. she was shocked to pieces. as was i

i debated whether to speak to her mum or not, and i did, as i thought if the child needs some help with their roadsense, then the parents need to know

if anything had happened and i had known the child was not safe to be out alone, i would have been distraught

shybaby · 07/06/2008 13:03

I have a neighbour who has let her dd play out since she was 2. She nearly gets run over all the time (is 5 now I think). We've all told her to watch the child but it makes no difference

Original poster
2shoes · 07/06/2008 13:16

there are no older kids out. just him. his siblings are in their teens so don't play out(and she has a baby) I wasn't going to to go round just mention it in passing. she is nice and very approachable(unless crossed)

OP posts:
edam · 07/06/2008 14:11

'if she is the sort to let him out unsupervised', lucyellen? Cheeky mare. My ds, also 4, plays out with my next-door neighbour's girls. Neighbour and I keep an eye on them but we don't hover. I'm trying to give ds a tiny bit of freedom in a safe environment (cul de sac with little traffic, friendly neighbours and no fast cars at all).

shybaby · 07/06/2008 14:34

Not always a case of fast cars though. We live in a cul de sac, my mum often drives up here (and she drives slow believe me ). Child I refer to has never had any road sense at all and my mum has nearly run her over several times. She suddenly appears from behind a parked car and the anchors are slammed on.

My ds has also physically pulled her out of the road on more than one occasion because for some reason, she sees a car and doesn't move.

edam · 07/06/2008 18:36

ah, the other mother and I have given the children strict rules - NO crossing the road at all ever or they won't be allowed out again.

FrannyandZooey · 07/06/2008 18:40

yes I think you should mention about the wandering into the road, definitely

agree with edaem about your comment lucyellen - I let my ds play out unsupervised when he was 4 - would have wanted to know if he was in the road

nancy75 · 07/06/2008 18:47

i think you should mention it. no matter how she takes it, how would you feel if something happened to the child and you hadnt said anything? there is a good chance that she has spoken to him already about the road and thinks he has taken it in, she may well thank you for bringing it to her attention.

Original poster
2shoes · 07/06/2008 19:35

thanks. I will speak to her.
I was talking to another mum and asked her advice. thought she would be a good person to ask as she is in same situation(small child after big gap) and she reckons the mum will be ok if I say something. sounds horrid. but if I don't say anthing and he got run over imagine the if only's.

OP posts:
jellybeans · 07/06/2008 19:41

I hate seeing little kids (5-6 and under) roaming unsupervised (not if they are being watched or in the garden etc) and YANBU but it really is up to the parents. I don't let my 5 yo DS's out on the streets and they won't be going to the houses of people with kids who do till they are older. Lots of people near me let their toddlers roam and it is amazing they haven't been run over yet.

peacelily · 07/06/2008 19:46

I would mention it then she can have a chat with him about the rules of the road and make it clear what she expects when he plays out.

v insensitive comment LEM, my dd is only 21m and obviously I don't let her out unsupervised but a number of children on my road from 4/5 upwards play "out back" (not many of us have gardens just "external courtyards" ) on scooters etc. I'll be letting dd too when she's ready, I think it's a nice sociable thing to do and good to see children doing it in this day and age of paranoia and sanitation. We all know who each others kids are and the older ones keep an eye out for the little ones.

snotbuster · 07/06/2008 19:57

Have you got gates (if you have front gardens)? There was a little boy in our street (even younger) that was doing this and an older chap across the way very tactfully gave the mum a cable tie to keep the gate latched with - mentioning that it might stop the child running across the street. She hasn't let him out unwatched since, thankfully.

FrannyandZooey · 07/06/2008 20:00

no we haven't a gate
there is a little area in front of the houses (pavement and a bit of grass) where the children play
ds is not allowed to go into the road, anyone's house, or further than a certain point up and down the pavement
it is a lovely bit of (limited) freedom for him

Wisteria · 07/06/2008 20:01

Definitely mention it - it isn't on at all and she may not be aware of what he's doing/ how little road sense he has when she's not there.

NotABanana · 07/06/2008 20:02

It is really hard to decide whether to say something to another parents. I had a situation a few weeks ago where a boy asked me to give him and his brother a lift home. We have never really spoken much and I have never spoken to their parents. I debated what to do. I didn't want to cause trouble for the boys but I knew if they asked someone else and harm came to them, I would feel terrible. I called at the house and let the mother know. She couldn't get rid of me quick enough and didn't seem bothered.

To 2shoes, I would definitely say something as he is so young he has no clue about roads and someone needs to tell him. If the mother gets defensive just walk away.

NotABanana · 07/06/2008 20:04

I don't understand the annoyance about lucy's comment. It seems the child is out unsupervised.

lucyellensmum · 07/06/2008 20:18

I'm sorry if i have offended anyone, i don't live in a culdesac, never have so maybe that is why i dont feel it appropriate for the children to play out. I still don't think i would be comfortable with it tbh. Maybe if i thought the child was with an older sibling or friend to look out for him, but other than that, im sorry but its too young.

jellybeans · 07/06/2008 20:54

I agree LEM

littleboyblue · 07/06/2008 20:57

I would menion it. Just explain that you're not judging her parenting skills but you wanted to make sure she's aware of it.
To be a bit hard, if you don't say anything and something happens to him, you spend rest of your life thinking, what if I'd said something? KWIM?

Boyswillbeboys · 07/06/2008 21:08

I agree with LEM, a child of 4 should not be playing unsupervised IMO. It's a really difficult situation to deal with for fear of seeming critical, but you have to approach the mum, as you'd never forgive yourself if something happened.

slim22 · 07/06/2008 21:15

I would.
Telling small children not to go on the road and expecting them to comply is not an option in my book.

Agree they benefit from some freedom/socializing unsupervised, but in a GATED, CAR FREE environment!

misdee · 07/06/2008 21:17

dd2 is 5 and is just allowed out the front. i had allowed her to go round the corner with dd1, but then witnessed dd2 crossing in the road without looking, insteading of going round the cul-de-sac. so she is limited to the road out the front only. and thats only with dd1 with her.