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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in wanting to speak to the woman round the corner about her small son?

49 replies

2shoes · 07/06/2008 12:45

he is about 4(and a cutie) he plays out in the street. he is calling for the boy over the road at the moment.
Now leaving out the bit of should he, shouldn't he be playing out. I and my next door neighbour have noticed he has no road sense. he just wanders into the road, although ours is a quiet culdesac. from where she lives his mum cannot see him, and cars do go quite fast.

so next time I see her do i mention our concerns or not?

OP posts:
Divastrop · 07/06/2008 21:27

i agree that in this situation you should mention it to the mum.my ds2(almost 5)plays out the back with the other kids and dd1(9) and i have told him where he is and isnt allowed and thought he was ok,but then my neighbour told me he was playing out the front(busy road)the day before.i thanked her and kept a closer eye on him,and made sure he understood the rules.

lol@'gated,car-free areas'...yeah,like we all have those where we live

SixSpotBurnet · 07/06/2008 21:35

You are all really brave about letting your kids play out unsupervised. I don't know why I am so chicken about it - we live in a little area of very quiet streets - but on the rare occasions that the DSs have gone out to ride their bikes or whatever I relaly fret. I never thought I would be like this as a parent .

slim22 · 07/06/2008 21:35

Well diva we don't.
But just wishing for the best is not good enough when it comes to road safety.

FrannyandZooey · 07/06/2008 21:36

I wish people would allow us to make the right decisions for our children in our homes, though
whenever this subject comes up people dictate that no child of 4 (or whatever) should ever be allowed to play outside - you haven't met my ds, nor seen my street
if you have a child who runs into the road, or live in a busy or dangerous area, then it may seem inappropriate to let children of this age play outside unsupervised, but it has been perfectly appropriate and safe for my child and is no doubt for many other people's

Original poster
2shoes · 07/06/2008 21:42

the mum in question is nice and I get on well with her(in a chatty hello way) I did say in the op that I didn't want to get into the should he/shouldn't he be playing out as that is not my call.
I was talking to another mum today in the road(we were on the path) and this car just came speeding down the road.(souped up thing cue her commenting on the size of the driver penis) if small boy had been in the road at that moment no way would the car have been abole to stop in time.

OP posts:
slim22 · 07/06/2008 21:43

Franny you are right of course. I have always lived in a big city so I am definitely biased.

However, not knowing the particular geography of the situation the op is describing, I still think the general advice should be to advise caution.

jellybeans · 07/06/2008 21:44

Some of the ones near me though are out from early morning till late at night and have no road sense etc. It is like some of them are so comfortable out on the street that they forget cars come. They often go further that they are supposed to and I have had parents knocking on my house at 9pm asking if I know where their kids are as they wonder off left out on their own all day. One was 2 and had a nappy on and was balancing on a 6ft high wall and in and out of cars!!

FrannyandZooey · 07/06/2008 21:45

oh I reckon she should definitely speak to her about it, I don't think this sounds safe
he's running into the road etc etc

I was just responding to the comments about "that type of person" and then NAB's post about "the child seems to be unsupervised"

yes, we know - some of us are in a position to do this
I wish everyone was, if they chose to
I know we're lucky

cory · 07/06/2008 22:01

I agree both with Franny about the more general aspect (don't let's judge, circumstances vary) and with the idea that somebody should speak to this particular mother. It does seem like her ds is getting into dangerous situations.

Divastrop · 07/06/2008 22:03

i just wish people wouldnt say that no child of 4 should be playing out unsupervised,just because it wouldnt be appropriate for their child,or where they live.

squanderedzeitgeist · 08/06/2008 02:41

I used to walk to school with my friend when I was 4, crossing the road with the lollipop lady, and we played unsupervised in the cricket field next door and in our garden with a stream at the bottom of it. That was in a quiet town in Worcs, and I did have some roadsense.We just knew our boundaries, not to jump in the stream etc and grew up as extremely healthy independent individuals

I think it's the roadsense issue that is worrying, there are more cars around nowadays. Otherwise, good and in fact necessary,to let your children develop their street sense and ability to play unsupervised. Not to become 'cotton wool kids'

lucyellensmum · 08/06/2008 10:55

Maybe im a bit paranoid, but its not just cars we should be worrying about. Well yes, i admit i am a bit paranoid but well.....

LuckySalem · 08/06/2008 11:03

Yeh I'd say something.

jellybeans · 08/06/2008 12:27

I don't think it is wrong to say that in your opinion a 4 year old shouldn't be out unsupervised. That's how i feel too. The choice is free for others to make for their kids but IMO it is too young and I think it is Ok to have that opinion.

Divastrop · 08/06/2008 20:47

yes but by saying a 4 year old rather thatn my 4 year old you are generalising and judging others' parenting choices.

Original poster
2shoes · 08/06/2008 21:09

I will speak to the mum next time I see her.

OP posts:
slim22 · 09/06/2008 11:00

Diva, what's wrong with some of us generalizing about a road safety issue for a 4 year old?
Congratulations on your DC being mature and streetwise, it's not the case for most other under 5s I know.

As for the same old argument of judging other parenting styles because we disagree, am baffled as usual.

Love2bake · 09/06/2008 11:22

No I don't think you should say anything to the mum. I am sure she is well aware that there are cars in a cul-de-sac!

I would stay right out of it, and worry about your own kids.

Original poster
2shoes · 09/06/2008 11:45

Love2bake will you post a when he is run over?
my ds is 16 and dd has cp so they don't" play out"

OP posts:
Divastrop · 09/06/2008 11:46

i never said he was,just that where everyone lives is different,everybody's children are different,so how the hell can you generalise?

OrmIrian · 09/06/2008 11:49

I am definitely 'that sort of parent' then But I think I knew that already.

However if you think the 4 yr old is actually behaving in a way that may put him at risk you should speak to his parent.

Love2bake · 09/06/2008 12:45

2shoes - all i mean is that parents are free to make their own choices. The mum is an adult and I am sure she is well aware of the dangers of a 4 yo out playing on their own.

This is not something that I would personally let my 4 yo old do, but your original posting was 'should i speak to the mum', and I still think no.

Yes of course I would be sad if a 4 yo got run over, but that has nothing to do with the question that you posted.

WilyWombat · 09/06/2008 12:55

Yes a parent is free to make their own choices but should those choices be ones which endanger their children...who are too young to know any better?

"Now leaving out the bit of should he, shouldn't he be playing out" this is a totally separate issue but I would mention to her that you are concerned as he seems to have no roadsense and the cars go fast. If she is offended then TOO BAD and if he does get hurt at least you will know you have done the best you can.

Original poster
2shoes · 12/06/2008 15:23

done it
the mum was all smiles and thanked me.
so glad I stuck my nose in.

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