If your husband lied to you, could you trust him again?

[catandgloves]

A couple of months ago my husband lied to me,
it wasn’t the lie itself that bothered me but that I always trusted his word.
At work they work in pairs and have a permanent partner who he always told me was an old man, but apparently it’s not an man as I discovered it is actually a young woman, when I asked why the lie he still lied and said he had never seen that woman before saying she only worked in the office but I know this woman is his partner because I’ve seen them out working.
Eventually he did accept that this woman was “John” and that he had lied.
I kind of get why he lied but there was no need to and to have lied for so long and fabricated a whole other person just because he didn’t want to say the truth.
I now wonder what else he lies about and why, he’s openly been paired with lots of woman at work but has never concealed their identity so why would he keep this one such a secret?
In the months since this lie I am not sure what’s true and what’s not anymore where before I believed everything he said.
His reasoning for the lie is that he hates this woman because she’s a brown nose goody two shoes and he just couldn’t bring himself to say her name. So went with John.

I’d lose respect. Incidentally I had a two year relationship with a man who would lie about where he’d been and who with, then tell me it was essentially my fault he had to lie because he knew how I’d react.

mad about the lie? See, this is WHY I LIED even though you are only mad about the lie and not the thing I lied about…dumb as an ox

It would depend on a whole number of factors. The magnitude of the lie. The extent to which it was a one off or a pattern. Whether there was a good reason for it.

If my husband lied to me that the food I made him while sleep deprived and delirious tasted really good and not at all like a microwaved sock, I could probably let that slide.

If my husband repeatedly lied to me about the woman he's obviously filling his spare sock to, doubled down on his lies when confronted and only admitted to lying when his lies became too ridiculous... that I'd have a harder time letting go.

He’s obviously up to no good.

So let's clarify a few things that got glossed over here, which always seems to be the pace when a husband is accused of setting up a flat with his mistress with all of the supporters here in the thread. First of all, catandgloves · Yesterday 11:19 They’ve been working together for the last 6 years that’s a lot of effort to be keeping a fake man alive. is the one who came up with the 6 years this "office romance / partnership" has been going on, but when I went through everything in all of the postings, OP never gave it a timeline (read next time). Secondly, per OP, when I asked why the lie he still lied and said he had never seen that woman before saying she only worked in the office but I know this woman is his partner because I’ve seen them out working. So the question begs actually how long and in what capacity did this young woman actually arrive, since it obviously hasn't been since she wasn't likely a teenager starting there. That begs the third point, per OP's statement, we are late 30s she looks mid 20s. Well mind you I'm early 60's but been told I'm late 40's, possibly early 50's by my looks. So unless someone is honest when asked their age, no one knows exactly how old someone is. Finally, per OP, I haven’t been jealous, I’ve never thought I had anything to be jealous of, his last colleague was of retirement age and I met her, some of his other colleagues are just names but he includes them all. So what if he misnamed this person for whatever his reasoning was to hold peace, in his mind, which it obviously backfired for having checked up on him. As for all of the people here suggesting that he's obviously being stepping out on you OP, then it's obvious that you either believe their misandry towards men, which seems to always be a running theme here in some of these threads, it's your choice to either spend your energy planning a divorce on hearsay and Mumsnet, or simply ask if you've ever lied to him about anything in your life and he found out the truth would he hold it against you and consider it infidelity without discussing his feelings or communicating about the situation. Either way, I admire so many people are able to afford glass houses because mine is made of brick since I know better. Best of luck to you both.

How did that unfold for you? Did things get any better? Did you forgive your husband lying?