So I had my second baby mid July this year and almost every weekend we have committed to people coming over, seeing people, going out etc and not spending much time together as a family. I have said to my husband on multiple occasions that we need to calm it down with the plans so 1. We can spend some time together and 2. We can get this house sorted because it’s always such a mess and we always have so much housework that keeps getting put aside due to how busy we are.
He dumped it on me last night that his brother is coming round for 2 nights on the 21st and 22nd of November infront of his family so I couldn’t really say No but thinking in my head “here we go again” and then next weekend he is out with his friends which is absolutely fine and that was already planned but he also decided to try and go golf with his brother and step Dad that morning despite him going out with his friends later that day which will be an all night thing, staying over and coming home the following day. I have an appointment this morning anyway so he couldn’t have gone, but this morning I decided to bring up the fact that even if I didn’t have my appointment it’s unfair on him to leave me at home, all day, all night until the next day with 2 children aged 3 and a baby 4 months old. Surely going out with his friends in the afternoon and all night is enough why does he feel the need to also go golf that same morning.
Everyone I try to explain my feeling and how I feel going out all day and all night is unreasonable he shoots me down, shouts at me, swears and makes me think I am really controlling and crazy.
I have had to put my foot down on a few things already because if he had his way he would be out all the time. Example… he joined the local dart team, it got to the point where I thought it was actually unfair he was going out every Friday night drinking and playing darts so I told him to make this every other Friday, so that way me and the kids get to spend some Fridays with him.
also bear In mind my husband does work, and does work crazy hours that the kids don’t see him much in the week and by the time he is home from work I am exhausted anyway so we don’t really spend any quality time together. This is also another reason I get really upset at the fact he plans things with everyone else but me and the kids. It’s like he finds ways to get out as much as possible.
I may sound controlling but all I want is some weekends with no plans or for him to plan something for me and the kids.
Am I being unreasonable here? I really don’t want to come across controlling at all! But pub every Friday night is excessive to me, especially due to the nature of what it is and the time, and am I out of order for saying that it would have been unfair for him to go gold Saturday morning while he is off out that afternoon and night anyway and wouldn’t be returning until the next day? Then on top of that having his brother stay over for a whole weekend.
I do not deprive him of a social life at all, he sees friends and family every week, he is even going out with his dart lot next month for their Christmas Do. I just want things to calm down a bit, be in my own home without people being round, no stress to rush to get out the door, get things in order at home and for him to spend more quality time with us.