To think most people “help others” for the ego boost, not actual compassion?

[QuietMotiveFinch]

We love a good deed when there’s a photo or story attached. Charity has become a kind of performance. I’m not saying people never care but the self-promotion often feels louder than the empathy. AIBU to think that real compassion is quiet, not branded?

I agree. But obviously the people who have the same approach fly beneath the radar so the ones you hear about are doing it for themselves.

Does AI feel compassion? Makes you think 🤔

Some people get a boost from doing charity work but if it works to serve a good cause then who cares? Also the majority of good deeds and kindnesses go unreported, unphotographed and uncelebrated and yet people do them anyway. So you are being entirely unreasonable.

If AI ever figures out compassion, I hope it skips the selfie stage.

So boring isn’t it!

I agree that a lot of people do good deeds to be seen to be doing good deeds. A lot of animal rescue videos you see the person either struggling to rescue with one hand because their other hand is holding their phone to record, or a person struggles to rescue while another stands aside and videos it all. Put the camera down and rescue them ffs! If it were instructional, or promoting a particular charity, that would be different.
Doing good deeds can make you feel lifted, and I dont think that has to take away from the fact you have done a good deed

I don’t doubt plenty of people do genuine, quiet good every day. My point was more about the cultural trend where visibility and branding have become such a big part of “doing good”. You’re right that the outcome still helps others but it’s interesting how much focus now goes to being seen helping, not just helping.

Yes - we have a couple of very active do gooders in the local community and they aren’t very nice at all. It’s all for show it’s like some kind of performance for validation. They both act like the mayor of Halloween town .

What is it with these 'kindness is actually the avoidance of confrontation' and 'helping out is for the ego boost' threads?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5441424-to-think-kindness-is-overrated-its-often-just-cowardice-in-disguise?reply=148417799

You mean like the people who publicly do good deeds like giving to homeless people? Then post it?
its frustrating the same day i buy a homeless chap some milkshake chat to him for a few minutes and gave him the pound from my trolly a Facebook friend of mine produces an entire collage of pictures from her buying him a sandwich introducing him to her son who then became upset and said we must do something for him mummy! So off they go to reach out to charity's to help him find a home and get support and all this drama publicly placed out there for all to see so everyone knows she is a "good person" two year later he is STILL on the streets the people who support the homeless knew about him and are still supporting him he is happy on the streets for the most part Has friends to stay with in really bad weather is mostly fed and cared for by the community but her publicly putting it out there really made me cringe she shops elsewhere now so she avoids him it's just so public help people if you want but dont slap their face around with your "generosity" if your going to stop once the praise does, personally i still give him the odd pound and milkshake not because I need the thanks or the karma points but because that's my nature

Op, not only are you being unreasonable, your suggestion is daft.

I used to volunteer for a search team. My colleagues didn't turn out in all weathers to help people having the worst day of their life for an ego boost. No ego boost spending g six hours in rain and dark to recover human remaIns. Most of us did it because we knew how the family were feeling.

Give your head a wobble.

Millions of people volunteer OP - litter pickers who pick up rubbish on daily dog walks, people who garden for the National Trust, run scout groups, visit hospitals, school readers, local councillors. None of it gets reported, most of it is unseen.

Do you go looking for those people OP or just surf Instagram?

That’s such a perfect example. You can really feel the difference between genuine quiet care and the “look how kind I am” performance.

Oh. Tricky as I answered your title (YABU to think most people help others for the ego boost) but then the question in your OP would get the opposite answer (YANBU to think real compassion is quiet).

So your vote is going to be a right mix of people answering the 2 completely opposing questions.

I have a lot of respect for people who do that kind of everyday, quiet volunteering. I wasn’t denying that it exists at all, just commenting on the shift in how public acts of kindness are often amplified and rewarded now. Both realities can exist at once - most people do good quietly but there’s still a growing performative side that’s hard to miss.

But by the very definition of it, your quiet kindness is not publicised so nobody gets to know about it. Ergo all you see are the "performances".

Are you complaining that you don't see acts of unpublicised compassion?

This, absolutely.

I think it could be both too. I sometimes donate to people I don't know anonymously on GoFundMe, but somewhere deep inside, I wish they knew it was me, I just don't want my name everywhere online.

By nature, quiet acts aren’t visible so of course they don’t show up in public spaces. I’m not complaining about that at all, it’s more that the loud examples of kindness now get so much attention and validation that they start to shape how people think “kindness” should look. I think both exist but the balance of visibility affects the culture around it.

There's no shift OP. There is no growth.

The vast majority of good work is and always has been quietly done but there have always been big displays of 'charity'. Statues put up to benevolent Victorians to the massive donation cheque photos in papers in the 1970s.

You don't really seem to have a point. Give us a real life example (that's not from Instagram).

I think some people do stuff because they are trying to fix stuff thats pissing them off. Like those people going around cleaning graffiti off road signs etc. i would do a beach clean up to try to make it nicer (for me primarily, I want clean beaches). Definitely some charity stuff is very performative but tbh as I’ve got older they why doesn’t matter as much as something getting done. Some people do stuff to make friends etc, some want to look good, some do it for religious reasons. Main thing is something good comes of it.

But no I don’t really believe in true altruism.

Social mead is advertising and promoting good acts is likely to lead to more of them. As is SM doing the opposite. I hate people doing shitty crap for likes like giving random women flowers (yuk) but doing good things, the recipient not included? Great, carry on.

I think you're wrong. I think there are many more people engaged in the sort of quiet compassion that you're probably unaware of - acts of kindness towards their neighbours, tireless volunteering in the community, private donations etc. They just don't make a big song and dance of it so you wouldn't necessarily be aware that it's happening.

Yes, there will always be a few that make ostentatious gestures because they want attention, but actually, I think they are the minority.

Public displays of generosity definitely aren’t new and yes, the cheque photos and “philanthropist statues” have always existed. What feels different now is the frequency and accessibility of it.

Technology means anyone can perform virtue publicly, not just the wealthy and famous, and that changes the cultural tone around what “doing good” looks like. That’s really all I meant, not that kindness never existed quietly but that the performance of it has become much more routine and visible.

So just all on the net then. Still nothing from real life.

You didn't give an example OP. Go on, one example from real life.

Otherwise it's just more word soup/AI slop.