Am I just too sensitive?

[Nollyroa]

Maybe I just feel the need for a rant, but want to know if other husbands do this:

Here's the scenario, we have been watching the tv, turned it off ready to start getting ready for bed.

We start having a ridiculous discussion about how a deer can hurt you if you hit it with a car/van. I said because I thought that there would be very little chance a deer could come through the windshield that the deer would be pushed away from the car. DH then took it upon himself to prove me wrong. He looked up statistics on his phone and I said “okay yeah right” and got up to move from the sofa. He then said “where are you going? Look there’s a video”

I was just immensely fucked off, and I said to him “why would you go to so much trouble to prove me wrong? To prove that your wife was in the wrong and show her a video to show her how wrong she was?” I said “okay fair enough” but that wasn’t enough, I had to be shown. I got my things together and went to bed, we have not spoke to each other since.

Am I in the wrong?

Seems a bit odd. I assume you wer both 100% certain you were right and neither of you were willing to listen to the other or concede any points? It does seem like an odd thing to get so dogmatic about, even if you were wrong (you were).

“okay yeah right” is a really dismissive way of agreeing he was right though. You said yourself you were having a ridiculous argument (any alcohol involved?).
Tbf, he knew he was right so wanted to show you, I can’t imagine giving any other response than ‘oh, wow. I didn’t have a clue, my mistake’ kind of answer to that really, rather than a grudging ‘okay, yeah right’….but then I can’t actually imagine arguing over this type of thing either.

None of us were there to see what tone was used etc, but to me it sounds like he just wanted to show you how it happens, given that you didn't think it happened that way. Not about proving you wrong, but just showing you something you didn't know.

I think it’s hard to tell from your description of it.

Yes it can be annoying if people insist they have to pull up stats to prove a point. But maybe you were also being really insistent about being right as well. And maybe neither of you take being wrong that well.

I think you overreacted a bit OP. You were having a random discussion and he got quite into the topic, I think it was more about finding it interesting than having to prove you wrong.

Unless there's a back story we're not aware of?

I take it you don't have many deer round you.

I don't think he was being UR. You were having a discussion and "okay, yeah right" doesn't actually sound like you believed him. It sounds like you dismissing the possibility with disbelief. So he was showing you a video of how it happens, which actually if I'd been having that conversation then I'd have been interested to see how the forces/momentum causes that.

Unfortunately I have no need to be shown.

I suppose my "yeah okay right" answer was trying to stall the oncoming lecture from my husband (who knows everything obvs.) I was attempting to extricate myself and really not listen to him tell me again how wrong I was. At the beginning of the discussion it was a playful sort of "wonder what would happen" and it turned into what felt to me was my husband wanting to tell me and show me how wrong I was to his delight. I don't drive so have no experience of crashing into animals of any kind. It was late and I just wanted to go to bed!

It sounds like you got a bit defensive (which I can sympathise with because I hate being proved wrong myself). Your concession was a bit grudging and then you escalated it into a bigger fight.

But of course, context is everything. Is he often seeking to one up you and rub your nose in it when you're wrong? If so it's not unexpected that you're primed to be defensive.

You thought you were having a playful "I wonder if...." conversation. You husband thought you had misunderstood something and wanted to explain the reality.
"Being proved wrong" doesn't need to be an insult. If we're not corrected on our wrong beliefs we don't learn anything. It sounds to me like you realised you were wrong and rather than taking it as a learning opportunity you took offence.

Oh god "learning opportunity"? I don't know why, I bloody hate that phrase when applied to a simple life event or experience. I know what the OP means, if you get into a back and forth that you don't really care about or is very hypothetical and one party has to pedantically push it to nth degree and make you sit there while they ask Google or AI to prove their point. Meanwhile you've long since lost interest and have moved on.

I don't drive so have no experience of crashing into animals of any kind.

Er - you do know the two don't go hand in hand ?
I've managed to drive for decades without crashing into animals of any kind

But yes, YABU. You were arguing (however lightheartedly) an incorrect fact, so - as we all have a mini computer in our hand - the person you were with brought up the internet to show you.

As @ArseholierThanThou said, a normal response to that from me would be "Well, you live and learn" / "Every day's a school day" / "Well, I've learned something new today" / type response.

Not had arguments with a significant other like this since I was about 15. Childish nonsense on both sides tbh.

This website astonishes me when, so often, it shows people being upset by the most utterly trivial things. What do people do when they have a real problem?

My friend always said the worst thing about her parents rows were that nobody stood down, so they had to get proof that the other was wrong instead of letting it go, so I get it. By the way a deer once hit my car, the side of it and ran off. I definitely felt it! I don’t know if this helps either of you!😅

I don’t think it’s particularly unreasonable, when someone refuses to accept a factual truth, to try to end the argument by showing them evidence for it. If there’s an argument, it seems a perfectly sensible way to settle it.

My brother and I had an argument about hyenas yesterday which he ended up Googling to prove that he was right. And indeed he was right, so fair play to him.

No, your DH is a knobhead, like so many men who thrive on scoring points.
We had a row over a year ago about my walking boots not having gortex in them (!) (I know) despite me getting wet feet.
Yesterday he told my DD, who has the same boots as me, 'Well, they're gortex, so your feet shouldn't be wet.'
He would argue black was white if it meant he was right!

Yes, there’s a tablet knocking around our house which is used almost exclusively to look up the answers to things that have caused family arguments. The most recent ones I can think of are the name of Martin Luther’s wife, the age SE Hinton is now, and who won the first season of Traitors along with Annoying Hannah.

Thinking here maybe it's a difference between men and women. I was having a discussion, I wasn't asking for a lecture or to be shown graphs, statistics or videos. I was like "I can't imagine it happening very often"

My husband took it upon himself to "educate me" and I wasn't that invested, to me it was a chat, a discussion, not a learning experience, I didn't want to know the statistics or see the videos. I tried to get away from the lecture as quickly as possible. I hold my hands up that maybe I did overreact, all he was doing was trying to show me how wrong I was!

There we go then! If you have no experience of driving then it does sound a bit like you’re doing the female equivalent of mansplaining and then get got annoyed when someone came back with facts. Sounds a bit ‘Trumpian’ - not to let facts get in the way of winning an argument!

Sometimes I really miss pre Internet days when you could have an enjoyable debate about a random and bizzare topic and nobody knew the answer so you just carried on with your day after you got bored talking about it

Fuck me yes, way oversensitive.

You were wrong, he whipped his phone out to prove it and instead of watching what he was trying to show you, you threw a sulky tantum.

It's not a big deal. Everyone in the world has been wrong about something 🤷‍♂️

Yes you're being over sensitive. It's ridiculous that you've fallen out over a hypothetical deer!

Not a man or woman thing. It’s a personality thing. It really annoys me when people say women just go on feelings. Me, and so many others work in STEM and we definitely go on facts, graphs, and stats!!

Thinking here maybe it's a difference between men and women.

Hardly.
It is a reasonable assumption that the majority of people posting on MN are women, yet here most of us are, saying YABU, or telling you how we would have reacted. It's not a 'man vs woman' thing at all.

I wouldn’t have wanted a lecture either, OP, nor to be forced to watch a video!