For not letting my daughter dress like some clown from Eurovision?

[SharonWTheBest]

My daughter watched this year's Eurovision herself when she was at her grandmother's house. I wasn't able to watch this year as I was on holiday, so not really got a clue of the singers in it, but she keeps mentioning this one person, Lucio Corsi I think his name is? Basically, she wants to look like him. On the daily. I must admit, he does have a good fashion sense, doesn't care about gender roles so wears dresses etc. But what I have a problem with is the white face paint that he always seems to have on. My daughter wants to do that too! In public! I've told her no as I'm scared that she will get bullied for it, or that it will look a bit silly to go about town like that. You know what teens are like nowadays!

It also seems to me that she's starting to act like him too. She keeps repeating random Italian phrases that I've not got a clue of - we have no relation to Italy, by the way, and no one in our family speaks Italian. I'm starting to get a little afraid that this Lucio thing is a cult or something... she's starting to freak me out!

All that typing and you left out her actual age?

So sorry! She's 14 x

It seems shes very passionate about eurovision and wanting to be like her favourite singers but I can see why you are concerned. Have you tried translating the Italian phrases? Could be swearing behind your back ha ha

Well shes obviously a teen although there is a wide range for that

No OP if you have any control over it, which you might not, I wouldnt because she'll either use it to be and feel 'special' which I think is actually quite harmful for kids or others will pick on her and then she'll give herself a victim status because people arent 'accepting her as she is'.

Either way, I often think there is some grandiosity to doing things like that, fine for a night out or a party or a theme thing, but not for the everyday fashion. Doesnt mean she has to look like everyone else, I tend to look very different to others, but not so outlandish that its really diconnected.

It might be a case of letting her learn by her own fashion mistakes, although perfectly reasonable to make her spend her own money on it.

This is not an argument I'd have. I believe in letting my kids express themselves in any way that is not harmful.

Sometimes with teens its best to let them make their own mistakes. If she wears daft white face paint and people take the piss out of her for it, she'll probably stop wearing it. The glam rock jester look is cute though, all power to her for wanting to go her own way and look a bit creative.

lol I dunno… seems harmless but perhaps you should save her from herself.
Does it bother her that people may take pictures of her and post them online to laugh at her?

Its true we need a bit more Bowie and Bolan these days in our lives.

My god. All this angst over teens doing what teens have done for time immemorial!

When I was a kid, me and my mates were all into punk pop and Tumblr girl aesthetics- teased hair, feather clip-ins and stripey tights with converse- massive eye make up. Some of our peers were goths, yes complete with the full make up. Others were prancing around with Jane Norman hand bags and businesswear pencil skirts. We all looked crackers. And that’s the absolute joy of your teens.

By my late teens I’d discovered Kate bush and Stevie nicks and was draping myself in as much fusty velvet and lace as I could find in an oxfam discount bin.

I still looked mad.

Now I’m typing this in my very ordinary mum-casual Hush wardrobe and wondering why we’re all so hell bent on removing any and all potential - often mildly- adverse experiences from our children’s lives, and sending creativity, self expression and resilience down the chute with them.

Fear not, OP- I’m living proof that even the most determined teen wannabes amongst us, end up in the tan cargo pants anyway….

His song was a rather sweet one about wanting to live up to aspirations of toughness and masculinity but struggling in a tough world.

It's not exactly cultish.

Thanks for the advice everyone - I do see that the guy himself seems pleasant enough. I suppose I'm just scared of my daughter becoming a target as I've heard too many stories of harassment to anyone that dares to be ever so slightly different in the teen world 🙁

If there is any indication she might head for art college post-GCSE she will fit right in, not be the exception! Honestly teens are just as much in their tribes as they ever were.

My son is only 8 so I've not experienced this yet but my understanding is there are now all these 'aesthetics' and teens go quite hard into whichever one they like at the time. I was into nu metal when I was a teen so it was all inappropriately wide jeans, coloured hair, chunky jewelry, thankfully I left my eyebrows alone but I know many others in the more mainstream didn't :P We all have to find ourselves and learn by our mistakes.

When I was 10 I wanted to dress like Boy George , my older cousins were punks year before that, I went through stages of being a goth and metal head younger sibling copied the Seattle grungy look and my nieces were emos.

All very boring now.

My DD and her friends dress in what they think is a rebellions way. Don't have the heart to tell them its nothing new.

Let her crack on.

I have loved Lucio Corsi since seeing him on Eurovision! His song was absolutely beautiful, and he seems very sweet and genuine.
If you are anywhere near London, OP, did you know he is coming to Shepherd's Bush Empire in February? Your daughter might be around other like minded (and dressed) teens if she went to that.

I wish more teens did this to be honest than the Kardashian contouring big lip look I see many of them wear where I live.

Let her have fun and enjoy exploring who she is by expressing herself. I do understand the desire to protect her from bullying though - perhaps talk it through that many others don’t like it when they see someone who looks different and may be verbal in that. Look to build up confidence to handle that if that happens. Are her friends equally expressive - could they hang out together?

I think kids have been doing this for generations. Punk rock mohawks, biker jackets, elvis flares, guns and roses hair, spice girl dresses, not even sure of the modern ones.
I would just let her, she will soon move on. Or she might become an art student??

I love seeing teenagers pushing the boundaries with fashion nowadays as most tend to look the same.

Others have said everything perfectly. But do also remember the neuroscience behind teens moving away from their parents expectations and carving out their own. It's an essential part of the process of them moving into independence. Not only that, but you telling her that she'll be bullied is likely to create anxious thoughts (replicating the ones you're having yourself). You need to let her do her own thing on this one, and learn to live with your own uncomfortable feelings around it (rather than pass them on to her).

I would take the lead from her.

My daughter sometimes goes out in things I wouldn't wear, and I did that to my parents.

If she's happy to risk people commenting, and lots of teens do experiment with looks and make-up, then I think it's good she feels that confident.

I would also say that some of our Japanese students wear very white bases/foundation so being very white is not totally restricted to fans of Lucio Corsi!

The idea to get her to go to his gig is a great idea and she'll find others similar to herself by dressing her own way.

He looks cool to me. I see he modelled for Gucci for a bit. Definitely doesn’t look like the image I had in my head from your post.

@SharonWTheBest

"I've told her no as I'm scared" .... you'll be judged.

Embrace and celebrate, your daughter is a unicorn 🦄

I think I would just make the point to her that the very white face he does is part of his performance and he doesn’t go to (Italian equivalent of) Tesco with it on. The rest of his style is inoffensive and if she likes it then why not

however if she wanted to do it for a party or something then I wouldn’t stop her

Well, now it's your turn to make decisions.
Later, it will obviously be hers.
Give it time.