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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH is using community pantry for free food

840 replies

cookingaroast · 08/11/2025 20:12

There is a community pantry in our village, with the purpose being to cut food waste. I completely support cutting down on food waste, and the food provided is all from supermarkets who would otherwise throw the food out. My issue is more I'm a bit uncomfortable with us taking the food.
We are both in the tech industry and both fall into the higher tax bracket for our salaries, more than capable of paying for food ourselves.

I've said to DH I don't think we should be utilising this resource and leave the food for others who need it more than us but he loves the bargains (free food) he gets from it. He genuinely wants to show off the stuff he's picked up whenever he goes - which is usually once a week.

I guess I feel a bit uncomfortable that this free food could be a lifeline to people. I do like charity shopping and getting a bargain but I don't feel as bad, as I'm paying what they decide they feel it's worth and the money is going to charity. This is completely free and run by volunteers.

OP posts:
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Starlight7080 · 08/11/2025 20:14

Wow thats awful . He should be ashamed. If anything it sounds like he could make donations to food banks and such . Not get free food .

mumofoneAloneandwell · 08/11/2025 20:14

Honestly, yanbu

Needing support is not a bad thing in the slightest.

But being so bargain obsessed that you would take something that someone who actually needs it, is disgraceful.

rubyslippers · 08/11/2025 20:14

Is the community pantry for everyone or those struggling (ie different from a food bank)?
surely if it’s about combating food waste then anyone can use it?

distinctpossibility · 08/11/2025 20:16

If the purpose is to cut food waste then it's more like an eco shop isn't it? We have one at our local school and it very much is open to anyone. It's a nominal fee of £2.50 for 10 items though and you can't take more than 10 items a week. It is different from a food bank.

EchoedSilence · 08/11/2025 20:16

If it's to stop food waste I don't see a problem.

ComfortFoodCafe · 08/11/2025 20:17

He should be ashamed of himself. Thats disgraceful. Hope they find out & ban him.

LadyKenya · 08/11/2025 20:18

It is not a food bank, he is taking food from. Learn the difference OP.

Blogswife · 08/11/2025 20:18

He needs to stand back for a while ( if not permanently) and let others have a turn ! No doubt his “ bargain hunting” is the talk of the village

JudgeBread · 08/11/2025 20:18

Honestly as someone who genuinely has struggled for food and had to live on rice and ketchup for a while, you're under reacting.

Your husband is absolutely disgusting. He's quite literally taking food from people who need it. He's vile.

Kendodd · 08/11/2025 20:18

What's the purpose of the community pantry ?
If its to cut food waste then its fine he uses it. Maybe suggest he donates money to the value of the food back to the pantry or to an anti poverty charity. Win - win.

Scottishskifun · 08/11/2025 20:19

If the aim is to cut food waste then its fine - often they get stock that supermarkets can't sell and it stops it going to landfill.

If it's meant to help less fortunate then of course he shouldn't be.

tilypu · 08/11/2025 20:19

It sounds like it's fair game?

These community pantries are for anyone. They usually have food that is at or past it's best before date, and if it doesn't get used it goes to waste. It's not a food bank that is set up to help people in poverty.

He's doing a good thing by reducing waste.

EchoedSilence · 08/11/2025 20:19

JudgeBread · 08/11/2025 20:18

Honestly as someone who genuinely has struggled for food and had to live on rice and ketchup for a while, you're under reacting.

Your husband is absolutely disgusting. He's quite literally taking food from people who need it. He's vile.

It's not a food bank.

Chocolatehorse · 08/11/2025 20:19

Our community pantry specifically states that it is for everyone and nobody using it is depriving those in need. It is there to combat food waste. There is a separate food bank for those in need. We donate to the food bank but also use the pantry if there’s something we can make use of. Your husband is using it correctly.

Wildtulips · 08/11/2025 20:19

No, you are missing the point and he is getting it right. This cuts food waste and by making it open to everyone it reduces stigma and encourages others to do the same. It's not a food bank it's a community pantry. If he is taking a reasonable amount and sometimes letting others have a chance first, then he is absolutely using it as intended.

Isittimeformynapyet · 08/11/2025 20:20

JudgeBread · 08/11/2025 20:18

Honestly as someone who genuinely has struggled for food and had to live on rice and ketchup for a while, you're under reacting.

Your husband is absolutely disgusting. He's quite literally taking food from people who need it. He's vile.

Calm down. It's not a food bank.

Geranium879 · 08/11/2025 20:20

We have one in our village and it’s dual
purpose - to avoid food waste and to alleviate food poverty. No referral needed , open to all. A Community Pantry rather than a food bank.

Sometimes they do a shout out on Fb eg “ we’ve been donated 2000 eggs can people come and take some please, tell your friends …” in which case we would go and take some… But a lot of the time they don’t actually have that much in and people are queueing up. They’ve actually had to instigate a limit on how many items people can take(apart from the above mentioned unusual circumstances when they have far too much, normally due to an admin error within a supermarket). In those circumstances I wouldn’t dream of it.

some people in the village who do regularly and who are definitely not struggling make a point of waiting until nearer the closing time to see what is left. If it’s perishable stuff and somebody needs to take it, they will then take it …but only after everybody else has had a turn

MumoftwoNC · 08/11/2025 20:20

Yanbu op.

People who say it's to cut food waste have missed the point. That's just the message so that people who need it don't feel embarrassed. High earners should not be using this sort of community pantry - he should be donating items if anything, rather than accepting donations

DaveWatts · 08/11/2025 20:20

But it's to cut food waste, not specifically a food bank, from the sounds of it - if it's open to everyone and he just goes once a week then I don't really see the problem. Obviously if he's filling massive bagfuls then that would be different.

JudgeBread · 08/11/2025 20:21

EchoedSilence · 08/11/2025 20:19

It's not a food bank.

Show quote history

I know it's not a food bank I can actually read, but people who earn enough money to feed themselves comfortably still shouldn't take free food that would be better served going to families who are struggling.

Just because he can do it doesn't mean he should. F out of here with that black and white thinking.

businessflop25 · 08/11/2025 20:21

We have one round here and it is for everyone to use. I have often had things from there. Lots of people put fresh extra veg from the allotments. It’s great. I do however make a point of making sure I give at least as much as I take.
So why not suggest that he buys (or makes if they take baked goods etc) somethings to donate. So that he is giving back. Or volunteer some of his time to help out?

Sirzy · 08/11/2025 20:21

It’s not a food bank. It’s there to cut food waste which is exactly what he is doing.

Often these things are underutilised by those who need them for fear of stigma so in a way it’s good to normalise everyone using them.

Screwyousimon · 08/11/2025 20:21

ComfortFoodCafe · 08/11/2025 20:17

He should be ashamed of himself. Thats disgraceful. Hope they find out & ban him.

What a crock of shit. This food is given out to stop it going into landfill there are no restrictions on income. He has nothing to be ashamed of. If the charities that do this wish for it to be means tested then it would be.

Ban him.....LOL!

grumpygrape · 08/11/2025 20:22

What are the rules/guidelines for using the pantry ?

beAsensible1 · 08/11/2025 20:22

Yuck.

sorry that is awful. Does he at least help with volunteering and offering his skills to help them?