To hate when men act scared of their wives?

[WittyTaupeCrow]

I don’t mean respectful or considerate, those are great. I’m talking about men who tiptoe around their partners like they’re terrified of doing or saying the “wrong” thing. It doesn’t come across as healthy love, it feels like a weird dynamic where they’ve given up their autonomy and personality just to “keep the peace.”

AIBU to find that kind of dynamic frustrating (and a bit unattractive)? Or is it just another version of compromise?

I don’t mean it that way, it’s not about fancying anyone, more about how that dynamic feels off. It just looks unhealthy when someone’s that tense around their partner.

I don't understand why you have started a post to say you find men who are genuinely afraid of their wives unattractive.

It just looks unhealthy when someone’s that tense around their partner.

I don’t mean to sound rude, but … Isn’t that bloody obvious??

Of course it's unhealthy. Anyone who is intimidated by their partner is in an unhealthy relationship whether they are male or female.

So, abusive relationships? No, you’re not being unreasonable to hate abusive relationships.

Your post and subsequent comments are a bit all over the place, though. And this AIBU to find that kind of dynamic frustrating (and a bit unattractive)? is just baffling. Unattractive? What?

Abuse can go both ways and that’s a different situation entirely. I meant the milder kind of dynamic where someone’s constantly appeasing or avoiding conflict, not out of fear for safety but habit.

It is unhealthy; it's an indication of an abusive relationship. You're being weird.

I'd be more concerned about why he feels he has to do that

And attractiveness is relevant to what element of that?

Just sharing an observation really, I’ve noticed those dynamics a few times and wondered if anyone else had. Nothing deeper than that.

It should be obvious but I’ve seen it play out more often than you’d think.

Still abuse. You may need to educate yourself on abuse.

That's still abusive OP. You don't have to fear for your safety.

You are essentially saying that you find men in abusive relationships unattractive. You might want to think about why you are having those thoughts because they are very odd.

No, not abuse. More when someone seems to have lost their confidence in the relationship. “Unattractive” was just about the vibe of that dynamic, not appearance.

Gosh. You lot are insufferable and deliberately piling on here and trying to misread things. I can see why those of you who have commented like so have the post history you do.

And there it is

I think people on here have been pretty civil and respectful, and have explained their opinion pretty rationally and clearly.

I don’t think there’s any need to threaten them by saying you’ve looked at their post history, just because they’re querying what you’re saying. They, just like you, are entitled to their privacy on here.

Sorry, I’m honestly not trying to be difficult but I don’t know what you mean when you say ‘I’ve seen it play out more often than you’d think.’ And? So what? Doesn’t that just mean you’re aware of that dynamic?

If multiple different people have misunderstood your post in the same way, maybe consider that it's your wording that's the problem?

No one is piling on, just questioning what you have written. If you didn't want to have a conversation about your views maybe you should've just written them in your diary instead of posting them on a public forum?

I think any relationship where one party appears to be frightened/modifies their behaviour to avoid conflict/cant say or do what they choose, is unattractive, in the sense that I wouldn't want to be in it. That seems so obvious that it doesn't require saying.

What you’ve described IS abusive. And how can the ‘vibe’ of someone else’s relationship be unattractive? Their relationship dynamics are not meant to attract you.

And we can see why you have no post history at all. You appear to have name changed to post this utter nonsense. There’s a reason for that.

IME this is very rare. Its usually the man playing up to the "her indoors, poor downtrodden under the thumb man" vibe. Its tedious, which is unattractive, yes.

It’s not constant but when you do see it, it really stands out.
Domestic abuse against men is less common than against women so you’re unlikely to constantly see men who are afraid of their wives.

You've such a strange turn of phrase. Surely when you see a couple with an extremely unbalanced relationship and where one partner appears fearful of the other, your internal response would be one of concern for their wellbeing, safety, happiness? NOT judging the dynamic was 'weird', 'unattractive', or 'unattractive'.