To tell off kids in the pub

[ReallyFkReally]

Out for drinks in our local, lots of kids around due to fireworks which didn’t make it especially chilled but one particular group sitting there playing on iPads which was quite annoying so I asked them to turn it down/use headphones. Cue massive over reaction from parents saying they’re quite within their rights, we upset the kids etc etc.

AIBU to think that after 8pm on a Friday night in a pub is adult time and if you’ve got kids there you look out for them not leave an iPad as a babysitter

Took 10 year old DC (not mine) to pub after adult family meeting at which DC had to be because of babysitting. We played a game with DC all the time we were there - a Q and A game - and DC perfectly happy as were we, it was fun. No-one was disturbed. Who are these people who park their DC with an iPad and have their own conversations? Not a very good intro to how a pub works, either.

I don’t think they were very nice, the dad was clearly spoiling for a fight with my DP who hadn’t actually said or done anything. He kept going on about not having seen us in there before like he owned the pub or something, we don’t go there loads but I’ve no idea why it’s even relevant 🙄

Yes of course. People should stay in their homes so useless so-called parents can continue to not bother parenting. Absolutely. 🙄

Tell me, are you also one of those people who goes around saying it takes a village to make a child?

Speak to the staff or, better still, ask to speak to the manager. Leave feedback on TripAdvisor.

This!

The parents were not with their kids.

Highly likely she’d have got a mouthful of abuse. A lot of parents don’t seem to take kindly to being asked to parent their kids.

The op mentioned fireworks. Was there a display at the pub? You'd expect there to be lots of kids if there was a firework display...

Please can we stop this anti kid stuff about no children in pubs after 7

The atmosphere in european cities (ie. SPain) where children are seen all the time til late at night in bars and pubs is SO much better than the depressing booze fuelled focus in the UK with people drinking and fighting in our town centres.

Look into a bar on a summer evening in spain and children are up at the bar, chatting, asleep under tables, playing outside - there is total tolerance of them.

this means families spend more money and time outdoros and socialising - instead of pubs relying only on people who drink to get drunk

What is true is hearing loud ipads is shit.

Absolute nonsense. Pubs are adult environments in the evenings especially. Pubs which are also restaurants are different and of course well-behaved children are welcome to come and eat a meal with their family. But pubs that aren't also restaurants are adult environments, full stop. This nonsense attitude that some people have towards children being entitled to be anywhere they please and infiltrate adult spaces just because it suits their parents is just that - entitled nonsense. There are many places where families with children are welcome. Pubs in the evening are places for adults. Why should an adult have to moderate their language or conversation content in a pub in the evening to accommodate children? I really really don't think that children not being welcome in pubs in the evening is a reason people are having less children, either.

If i was in a particularly bitchy mood, id submit a safeguarding referral to social care for leaving children unattended in a pub.

No but they were in the pub, albeit in another room! So why not say, hey kids, where are your parents and then go and have a word with them? 🤷‍♀️

JFC!

Very true but we live here, where pubs have traditionally been adult spaces, where adults can go and have a drink and talk about adult stuff and yes, even swear, without having to be mindful of children. We don't have the same culture here as they do in places like Spain and France towards children being around in the evenings. I don't have anything against that culture and agree that it's rather nice, but it isn't how pubs work here and stating that fact isn't "anti-kid." I have kids, btw. I'm definitely not anti-kid.

You're right, of course. But that social contract has been well and truly broken. Blaring screens are everywhere and people are not shy of sharing these with everyone in the surrounding vicinity. There was even a man on a train with me recently who thought it a great idea to share his taste in pornography, sans earphones, with the whole coach. Really - who are these people?

Trains these days are dreadful and long journeys particularly uncomfortable. Yes - even in the 'quiet coach'. Noise-cancelling headphones are a very necessary companion and I won't go on any rail trip without them (if staying somewhere overnight earplugs are also a must). Pubs are no longer a quiet environment, although it might be anticipated that on 5th November they'll be full of kids.

These days I just make contingencies to protect my own peace and make my life more comfortable. If I confront every rude person I meet in my day-to-day interactions, I'll spend my life angry.

You're not being at all unreasonable, but unfortunately on your blood pressure be it, because this issue isn't likely to go away any time soon. Choose your battles.

To me a Friday night in a pub is usually noisy and busy anyway from drunken conversation and music and the clattering of the bar service etc.

So if I felt the kids were disturbing the peace I guess they'd have to be pretty loud. But I wouldn't have approached them directly. I would've told the staff to have a word with parents.

No they'd been on in town so people came in afterwards. I did expect kids around but I'd also expect their parents to be looking out for them.

Kids need somewhere to be too though. There are woefully few pub-equivalent places you can take children without high entry fees or structured activities. For kids that want to socialise together (gaming can be quite social - I'm assuming this was contributing to the noise) in a group, there is nowhere to go!

This is why we have a no kids rule after 7pm in our pub, it’s just so much better for us and our customers, used to be 9pm but after a couple of parents letting the kids run riot while they got merry I changed it.

I used to run a drinks-only no food pub and said no under 18s after 7pm. The backlash was loud and angry, particularly online, but takings actually went up steadily once we did it.

Children don't spend money, parents rarely purchase more than one soft drink for the kids (if that, hordes used to bring their own squash in kids bottles, their own snacks etc), they take up space that could be used by adults, and put off groups of drinkers and lone adults wanting some peace. Plus the tension we used to feel when the parents were clearly starting to get drunk was uncomfortable. Trying to cut people off due to having children in their care is an unenviable task. As is telling parents after a few drinks they need to keep a better eye on their children!

There are many pubs where children are welcome - think the hungry horse model with food, kids menus and play areas.

Pubs which do not serve food are highly unlikely to be suitable for children, particularly younger children under 10. Pubs tolerate them as they are struggling, but I genuinely feel most drinkers pubs would do better without allowing them.

It's particularly annoying for those parents who have bothered to get babysitters to have an adult evening and then end up listening to crying babies, screeching toddlers and iPad games anyway.

It would be a shame if cocktail bars and nightclubs become the only places for adults to go without children. Lots of adults want a low-key space they can go to without kids, where there isn't music blasting etc. Quiet pubs can be a sanctuary.

I don't actually think iPads without headphones are acceptable anywhere but I would definitely have expected kids to be around if it was a Hungry Horse type of place but it's not, they only serve crisps!

I do feel for the staff because I know times are tough - the irony is we were in a quieter room away from the main pub area with pool table, tv etc but the parents clearly thought it was OK to inflict their noisy kids on the people using that space. I didn't really want to put the staff in an awkward position by complaining because from the way the man spoke they were probably 'regulars'. There was a time when an adult asking a child to do something reasonable like turn the sound down would have been respected but clearly not any more.

Some parents are arseholes and are now breeding really entitled kids. YANBU OP.

Sorry but YABU.

You stated yourself there were lots of kids due to the fireworks. It wasnt just a Friday night at the pub, they were out during bonfire "month" (let's face it, it's never one night anymore) and if there were fireworks on at the pub or nearby then of course they're going to be around a little later. You don't actually state ages either, so saying "after 8pm" should be "adults only" is not only exclusive of teenagers who don't usually have an 8pm curfew, but also a bit annoying as it sounds like anyone with kids, no matter the age, isn't allowed out of their house and in public spaces after 8pm unless they can afford a babysitter... which maybe they couldn't find if these kids were young enough to need one, what with it being the actual weekend of bonfire night where most displays and events were likely being held...

Also, you told off someone else's kids. That's just a no no. Speak to the parents or speak to the staff. The fact the parents had a go as soon as you told them off also doesn't lend any credit to them being "in another room" - unless the kids ran off to tell them you told them off? Which I don't blame them for doing, I don't like strangers having a pop at me in public when all I'm doing is sitting minding my own business, maybe doing what I've been told to do by my parents and suddenly some stranger is telling me off for it.

Another poster has mentioned they were next to a table of rowdy young men and I like the reaction they had to it - they moved. Pubs are loud and noisy, if you don't like that then you shouldn't go. Whether it's noise from music, people, TVs, or phones/devices that might be getting passed around and looked at, they are loud. If the fireworks, music, other people shouting and swearing didn't bother you, why did a bunch of kids playing a video game grind your gears? To me, that's a 'you' problem. It's still noise in a public place at the end of the day, clearly it was the fact it was children and video games that bothered you more than them actually making noise. Find a place that doesn't allow children next time and save everyone the grief of your complaint about little humans doing as they're told and staying out of the way.

So basically you just hate kids?

It's not an adult environment.

Children don't spend money, parents rarely purchase more than one soft drink for the kids (if that, hordes used to bring their own squash in kids bottles, their own snacks etc), they take up space that could be used by adults, and put off groups of drinkers and lone adults wanting some peace. Plus the tension we used to feel when the parents were clearly starting to get drunk was uncomfortable. Trying to cut people off due to having children in their care is an unenviable task. As is telling parents after a few drinks they need to keep a better eye on their children!

I’ve seen families in the summer sat outside at pub tables clearly eating their own food and drinks. That’s not what the tables are there for.