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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I been dumped?!

62 replies

ffrindbyrdi · 07/11/2025 22:06

Still reeling from this although it happened last weekend, but I just need to know.

Backstory: Group of friends who have all been close since 12/13 and now in our 30s.

Perhaps drifted apart a bit more so since Covid but still see each other for birthdays etc.

One of the friends weddings last Saturday and I was invited as a guest. She didn’t mention having bridesmaids or anything and she’s quite unconventional so I didn’t think anything of it.

Turn up to the wedding to find I’m the only friend not a bridesmaid. I even went to the hen do last month and bridal parties were never mentioned once.

That’s odd isn’t it? Have I been friend dumped?

And so as not to drip feed, the only ‘big change’ in our friendship is that I have had a baby so missed maybe a handful of get togethers when my son was a newborn. That must’ve been where they discussed bridesmaids etc? No fallouts, nothing.

I feel well and truly shit tbh

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 07/11/2025 22:09

I am so sorry girl but I think you have 💐. Will let someone else tell you how to handle it though xx

Original poster
ffrindbyrdi · 07/11/2025 22:09

Meant to say YABU - you’ve not been friend dumped

YANBU - definitely dumped

OP posts:
JudgeBread · 07/11/2025 22:10

Maybe they thought you'd be too busy with the baby? Being very, very generous but I hate to think of people being this cruel intentionally.

You've known eachother forever, can you talk to one of them? If not the bride then one of the others, tell them how hurt you are and try and get an explanation?

Original poster
ffrindbyrdi · 07/11/2025 22:12

JudgeBread · 07/11/2025 22:10

Maybe they thought you'd be too busy with the baby? Being very, very generous but I hate to think of people being this cruel intentionally.

You've known eachother forever, can you talk to one of them? If not the bride then one of the others, tell them how hurt you are and try and get an explanation?

I’ve been in shock since really. We have been bridesmaids at all of each others weddings so it felt so surreal. I didn’t want to seem like a brat on the day so just smiled through it but I’ve barely been able to stop crying since.

20+ years of friendship. It feels very odd!

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 07/11/2025 22:19

That's very unkind of them all.
I don't know why anyone would do that.

Have you started talking a lot about your baby now? Maybe they don't find that interesting?

If that isn't the case, I can't imagine why your friends have done this to you.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 07/11/2025 22:22

I’d ask the nicest one in your group what’s happened that led to you being the only one to be excluded and also to have clearly had all conversations about it kept from you too. Really not nice behaviour.

Original poster
ffrindbyrdi · 07/11/2025 22:23

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 07/11/2025 22:19

That's very unkind of them all.
I don't know why anyone would do that.

Have you started talking a lot about your baby now? Maybe they don't find that interesting?

If that isn't the case, I can't imagine why your friends have done this to you.

God no, even when we have been out together, I have barely mentioned him as they don’t even ask!

The more I look back over the last year and a bit, the more I think actually they just haven’t been good friends at all since I became a mum.

I get people drift away but I’d never dream of doing that to someone.

OP posts:
Original poster
ffrindbyrdi · 07/11/2025 22:24

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 07/11/2025 22:22

I’d ask the nicest one in your group what’s happened that led to you being the only one to be excluded and also to have clearly had all conversations about it kept from you too. Really not nice behaviour.

I did think about doing this but I didn’t want it getting back to the bride in case she thinks I’m making it about me. Her wedding she can do what she wants, just wasn’t sure if I was being dramatic being so upset!

OP posts:
Nelly44 · 07/11/2025 22:25

Don’t make it about you .. enjoy her day

Original poster
ffrindbyrdi · 07/11/2025 22:26

Nelly44 · 07/11/2025 22:25

Don’t make it about you .. enjoy her day

I absolutely did! I was all smiles and pleasant, and had given her a really beautiful personal present too. I text her afterwards and said thank you for the invite. I’ve literally not said one word to anyone about how sad I feel (other than here).

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/11/2025 22:27

I don’t think you’ve necessarily been dumped. Maybe overlooked due to your change in life circumstances. Friendships change over time. Give it time and see what happens. If any of the others have babies things will change for them too.

FuzzyWolf · 07/11/2025 22:28

I’m sorry and I’m not surprised you are hurt or upset by this.

Yes, for one reason or another I think perhaps the friendship has moved on but it could be those catch ups you missed when you had a baby will soon be scenarios others will experience and you’ll be back on track.

I suppose it depends whether you want to stay with the friends or move on and leave them in the past.

CarlaLemarchant · 07/11/2025 22:32

They’ve not necessarily dumped you but maybe changed how they view you since you’ve had your baby. Just a bit different from them now. It’s hurtful. Don’t fall out with them but be sure to make new friends.

Original poster
ffrindbyrdi · 07/11/2025 22:35

I know people say you drift apart after having children but I never thought it would be to this extent (or in such a hurtful way).

Oh well, time to move on. I won’t bring it up, don’t think I ever would’ve anyway, but I also don’t really want much to do with them now either Sad

OP posts:
Screwyousimon · 07/11/2025 22:35

Horrible way to treat a 'friend' she could have warned you prior. I don't think I would be able to look at the friendship with the same view again to be honest, I would be hurt too.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 07/11/2025 22:37

I found that the friends I'd had before my first baby was born were less interesting to me, and less interested in me, too.

Becoming a mother changes everything.

I soon made new friends who also had babies. It was easier to talk to them.

You've mentioned that your old friends don't even mention or discuss your baby. That's what I'm getting at. Things move on and change once we become mothers.

GingerPaste · 07/11/2025 22:38

Awwwww, sorry to hear this, OP. Sounds like quite a blow. Hope you’re ok xx

Original poster
ffrindbyrdi · 07/11/2025 22:40

Screwyousimon · 07/11/2025 22:35

Horrible way to treat a 'friend' she could have warned you prior. I don't think I would be able to look at the friendship with the same view again to be honest, I would be hurt too.

It’s the walking in blind that really got me I think! My DH just looked at me like WTF is gong on when all my friends started walking down the aisle in matching dresses.

If they’d said at the hen do or whenever that actually I wasn’t part of the bridal party as we had drifted or because of my son then I’d be like okay, but nope, just let me work it out on the day.

OP posts:
MD2020and10LambertandButlerPlease · 07/11/2025 22:41

I can see how this could have happened.

You've missed some meet ups due to the baby, it's been decided who was bridesmaid at one of these, she didn't ask due to you being busy - fair enough, has probably thought she would catch a moment to tell you, and a moment just never came up.

There's nothing to feel shit about, you were invited to the wedding although you've drifted apart a little due to different lifestyles now, you had a great time at the wedding, you just werent a bridesmaid, you still get invited to meet ups so its not like they simply cut you out of their lives.

Original poster
ffrindbyrdi · 07/11/2025 22:44

MD2020and10LambertandButlerPlease · 07/11/2025 22:41

I can see how this could have happened.

You've missed some meet ups due to the baby, it's been decided who was bridesmaid at one of these, she didn't ask due to you being busy - fair enough, has probably thought she would catch a moment to tell you, and a moment just never came up.

There's nothing to feel shit about, you were invited to the wedding although you've drifted apart a little due to different lifestyles now, you had a great time at the wedding, you just werent a bridesmaid, you still get invited to meet ups so its not like they simply cut you out of their lives.

I’m 99% with you on this except I spent a whole weekend with them all at the hen do and they’ve purposely kept it quiet there! That feels a little deceptive.

But yeah I do think it was arranged at a meet up when I was in the midst of new baby life and that’s that. I just wish they’d told me, any of them!

OP posts:
JLou08 · 07/11/2025 22:44

No, you've not been dumped. You were invited to the hen and wedding. I have friends that I love and mean a lot to me but weren't bridesmaids at my wedding. Don't read too much in to it.

mummybearSW19 · 07/11/2025 22:46

Oh that is shit.

dumped by that one girl - yes
And let down by all the others.
the bride should have talked to you about it and if she hadn’t then one of the others should have done
it’s a really shitty thing to do to you
just because your life is at a different point to theirs
But they have shown their true colours.

listen.

Invest in real friends. Ones that hold you up and help you sparkle.

and. Work out if any of those girls could be a real friend or if they are all in the bin.

at some point it would be worth clearing the air and speaking to the one you are closest to about the situation. Ie did you miss a WhatsApp or email. Or just get an outline of the timeline.

and then move on.

something similar happened to me. One of my closest friends ran off and got married and moved out of the country without seeing me when I had a really small baby. Was weird as her first born is about 7 months older so felt even more difficult.
it was as if our life transitions did not line up and poof she was gone out of my life.

but that is life. I read somewhere that you only really have time for 3 good friends so focus on finding out who they are. (Remember it can change over time too!)

MD2020and10LambertandButlerPlease · 07/11/2025 22:46

ffrindbyrdi · 07/11/2025 22:44

I’m 99% with you on this except I spent a whole weekend with them all at the hen do and they’ve purposely kept it quiet there! That feels a little deceptive.

But yeah I do think it was arranged at a meet up when I was in the midst of new baby life and that’s that. I just wish they’d told me, any of them!

Show quote history

The bride maybe asked them to so they didn't ruin the weekend for you.

You know them all, do you think they were being malicious, or just a bit thoughtless?

IFeelLikeChickenTonite · 07/11/2025 22:47

Did they think you would be too busy attending to your baby so you couldn’t take on the role of bridesmaid? If you’re married with kids you’re not really bridesmaid material anyway? I think you and your mates are just at different life stages. They’re still your mates. And when they start having kids you’ll get closer to them again. I wouldn’t go off in a strop about this. Not everything centres around you.

Ohmrcollins · 07/11/2025 22:52

I don’t think you’ve been “dumped” - you were still invited to the wedding, hens etc. However, they handled (all of them - not just the bride) this really poorly. It must have been deliberately decided to not mention or discuss in front of you, separate group chat, etc. You should not have been in the position of walking in to that wedding and finding out you were only one left out at the actual event.

Having said that, having children changes things. The dynamics of even the closest friends change. I don’t think I could move past this (but I’m not an overly forgiving person). I wouldn’t blow up the friendships but I’d definitely downgrade it. If a meetup didn’t suit, I wouldn’t rearrange my plans. Perhaps in time they will apologise (if the bride has kids soon and gets relegated to the sidelines) but you might have already moved on.

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