Told off by my boss for joke to colleague - I feel mortified

[SusanC86]

We have quite a laid back culture in our office and everyone generally gets along really well.

My manager asked me in to a meeting room earlier and said someone had complained about a comment I made last week.

One of my colleagues was speaking about her WFH set up - and said she had a new chair which she was getting used to and had given her a sore bum. I joked along the lines of that we didn’t need to know what she got up to in the bedroom last night. Laughter from those present including her.

I am mortified I’ve upset her and told my boss I’m happy to apologise. I am not being given any warning etc.

Do you think I crossed the line given it’s usually a jokey atmosphere?

Yep, that's a bit too far, joking about anal sex in a group setting like that. There's jokey, and then there's too far. As a general rule, I'd avoid anything sexual in the workplace, even if you think it's jokey.

I generally avoid jokes at work about anal sex

I hear you, but we have had jokes like that before without issue. Every workplace is different of course.

Do you really need to ask if joking about anal sex is inappropriate at work?

There's no workplace where making sexual comments is appropriate, even if the workplace culture has led you to believe that. You run the risk of crossing the line with someone, as you have just found out, and you won't have a leg to stand on from a HR point of view.

That would have been absolutely fine in any of my office workplaces but it's 10 years since I've had an office job and things have really changed. Just say sorry and forget about it, you didn't mean any harm.

Why would that even cross your mind though. Very unfunny at best 😵‍💫

Your workplace culture is toxic if people regularly joke about their colleagues' sex lives. Have you considered how those jokes could impact someone who has been sexually harmed? Or someone who has religious modesty principles? Or just finds it damn uncomfortable? Sex jokes in the workplace are sexual harassment and a disciplinary offence. You should be embarrassed and hopefully you'll all get a lesson from this.

You were really out of order tbh

Said colleague is (usually) neither religious or a prude, thankfully.

This is at least the 3rd thread in just over a week where someone has humiliated their colleague over arses or farting.

All very strange.

Agree that people might joke all the time but be really uncomfortable and want it to stop and joining In feels the only safe thing.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5432934-to-ask-if-my-joke-to-new-work-colleague-would-have-offended-you?page=1
Is this you too?

As a general rule it is safer to stick to 'Dad jokes' at work or if you are going for innuendo don't make it personal.

No - but that did make me chuckle I must admit!

And everyone in the workplace is the same? You know everything about everyone? For goodness sake grow up and learn how to behave. Minimising and making excuses is just embarrassing.

I probably would have laughed along too, but I wouldn't really have enjoyed a joke like that being made about me. But no way would I be running to my manager to tell on you, because I'm not a child.

Whether this colleague is religious, or has a different tolerance for sexualised humour (not a bloody prude fgs) is not the point. You don't know whether that's the case for every colleague, or even this one, for certain. Someone has clearly complained about it and you've been told off. Take the feedback on board, from your work and from here.

Neither am I, but I'd have got you in my office for a stern word if you'd made such a remark in my workplace.

It isn't prudish to not want people to joke about anal sex in the workplace.

Are you the poster who made a totally unfunny joke about someone eating eggs for lunch? If not you sound like you'd get on swimmingly.

Fine in the pub. Totally unprofessional & inappropriate in the workplace. I would have complained, too.

I told one of my colleagues about the complaint and she thought it probably touched a nerve because she could be having relationship issues so isn’t ‘doing’ anything bedroom wise. Obviously if I knew that, I’d have not made the joke.

The “joke” says a lot about you tbh.

Well evidently someone objected and let your manager know. You'll just have to take it on board and not make inappropriate jokes at work in future.

You reallllly don't have to be a prude to not want jokes about anal at your expense in work.