DH doesn’t take stuff off the stairs when he goes

[PersephoneParlormaid]

Like most people I leave stuff like folded washing on the stairs to go up when you’re passing. DH never takes anything up and I’m feeling resentful. If I say something I’ll get called a nag, so I don’t. AIBU to feel resentful, should I just do it and not cause ill feeling?

Stop doing his washing

Say, “NOT NAGGING, but could everyone please lift anything they find on the stairs and take it up please? Much appreciated!”

Done x

Leave it across the stairs, not at the side. He either has to step ON it, OVER it or take it.

It's a fun experiment in salience and behaviour. Treat him like a chimp in a lab.

I’ll get called a nag

Also, that word is banned in my house. It's rank misogyny, as bad as bitch or cunt as far as I'm concerned. Someone repeatedly calls me a nag for asking for reasonable cooperation in housework, they would be divorced. And no, I'm not joking.

I left one thing in the middle of the stair and he moved it to the left and walked past it 😡

Just leave his stuff on the stairs. Tell him "YOUR stuff is on the stairs for YOU to take up & put away". Only take yours up.

I think that this is what I’ll do. It seems petty, but it’s really winding me up.

I’m clutter blind and often walk past the stuff that I’ve left on the stairs to bring up. Sometimes it’s not a bad solution to just take on full responsibility for doing the things that potentially irritate you. Can you offload something else to him that he cares about? Weaponised incompetence can be a two way street.

Just leave it there. But yes it’s annoying and my ex was the same. Really annoyed me.

I started leaving the stuff where it was really inconvenient for him - on his desk chair, his side of the bed, on his work bag, etc. Anywhere he’d be forced to stop ignoring it.

But why on earth are you taking his stuff up when he won't take anyone else's?

Everyone should take their own stuff up if they want it.

You are being lazy and unreasonable to clutter the stairs. Either take it up when it’s ready to go or put it somewhere that doesn’t cause a hazard.

My partner does this - I often think why can't you take stuff up and put it away and finish a job properly. I also don't want to mess with his system. If it's his washing maybe just stop doing it?

To be fair I am the one who puts everything on the stairs to go upstairs and i myself, will walk past it several times before I pick it up and move it. It can be a day or so too. I can't even explain why, I don't even think about it. I do annoy myself with it though and I can only be annoyed with myself so I understand it's annoying!

If this is the only thing like this he does I would let it go. If it’s part of a bigger picture of him not pulling his weight then I would keep making the point and only take my stuff upstairs.

There is always a bit of give and take in living together and if this is all he does that’s annoying it wouldn’t bother me. Disclaimer I walk past stuff on the stairs sometimes though.

The DH is herr!

Completely agree.

It really fucks me off when DH leaves loads of shit on the stairs. Take it where you want it to be, you're just making it someone else's problem.

This has bugged me for ages that no one else takes things up that are on the stairs.

Had a little rant this week to husband and kids to spell it out that if stuff is on the stairs its to go up.

I will add its particularly wound me up recently as I'm recovering from hip replacement so I haven't been able to carry things upstairs myself till recently.

The OP states: DH never takes anything up and I’m feeling resentful.

I never get this. If you want something upstairs, take it upstairs! Stop being so lazy!

If I've taken the washing off the horse, then I take it straight upstairs and put it away. DP leaves it on the stairs for everyone to trip over and then expects them to take it up.

It seems like such a stupid idea to me. "Where's the most dangerous point in the house. I know, I'll dump a load of crap all over it!"

This is what I do.

shift his shite onto his laptop keyboard, his spot on the sofa, on his side of the bed, in front of the kettle or microwave so he can’t use either without dealing with it all.

I pile it up.
No words needed.

I leave stuff for myself on the stairs and I still manage to forget to take it up most of the time, even if I put it in the middle of the stairs I’ll just step over it and then it’s like I process it a few minutes later and think ‘oh no, I forgot to pick up my washing.’ I have adhd and struggle to focus on more than one thing at a time so I think if my brain is completing the ‘go up the stairs’ action it just doesn’t process the fact there is another task I could be doing at the same time even when the visual cue of it being in my eye line is right there! probably sounds mad to people who don’t have the issue but it is genuine, I really don’t process the items even if I can see them and even if they are in my way!

Wholesale Wood Sign Saying Nobody is more full of false hope than a mom who puts things on the stairs for other family members to take up.

Buy one of these for the stairs!

This is really petty but he is being terrible, using a name-calling soundbite to get out of any argument, because he knows there is no logical reason for him to not take stuff up.

Do I'd stop doing anything for him. Making dinner. Washing. Paying bills that benefit him. When he asks what's going in, accuse him of nagging, always going on at you, nothing you do is good enough, he doesn't appreciate you, stop going on at you when you've had a long day etc...any argument he puts at you, put it back on him.

Alternatively sit down and talk to him and say you're struggling because as it stands the choices are do more than your share and build up the resentment, or get accused of nagging, both of which are not good for the marriage, so how does he suggest you both do an equal share of stuff like this without falling out - and agree in advance what happens when someone doesn't stick to the agreement

My DH is the same. If it’s his laundry I don’t move. Sometimes it stays there for 3 weeks.