DH doesn’t take stuff off the stairs when he goes

[PersephoneParlormaid]

Like most people I leave stuff like folded washing on the stairs to go up when you’re passing. DH never takes anything up and I’m feeling resentful. If I say something I’ll get called a nag, so I don’t. AIBU to feel resentful, should I just do it and not cause ill feeling?

Do you also move things left on the centre of the stairs just to the side so you can walk up without helping in the house in any way? Because that’s not clutter blind.

If it’s washing just leave his downstairs. I have older children and got sick of them never taking their washing upstairs (although I never leave it at the bottom of the stairs). So I now put their washing in 2 boxes, both of which get taken upstairs as they need their clothes. However they didn’t get retuned. I told them today that if the boxes aren’t there I won’t put their washing on! Guess what - boxes are back!

My view with things like this is treat them as they are treating you. They can’t be bothered - why should you. If I’m asked why only took mine, I just say I could only manage mine or I didn’t see yours! Play them at their own game, no fuss, just a subtle change in tack.

I've never understood the stairs as storage thing. My mam used to do it and I nearly broke my neck multiple times as a teen sneaking down in the dark to get a late night snack and stepping on a pile of washing or towels or whatever.

Like maybe I just live in a poxy little house and you live in a four story mansion, but if you can take The Thing to the stairs can you not just... Take the extra 30 seconds to take The Thing up the stairs and put it away/on the bed/whatever?

(Although I wouldn't tolerate being called a nag by any man who wanted to share a bed with me, that's unacceptable sexist nonsense)

Tbh if I’d just folded washing I’d just carry it to the room it needs to be in but if you don’t want to do that I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just say “your washing is here will you take it upstairs when you next go”

Unfortunately it’s part of a bigger picture, which is why this one small thing is so annoying. I don’t want to be petty, but I also don’t want to do everything when he’s quite capable, I’m not his mother or his house keeper.
I must admit that I’ve taken to leaving just his washing in the basket if I’ve more than one wash.

I don't understand the leaving things on the stairs. My boss recently fell down the stairs after slipping on something she had left. Me and DH take each others dry laundry up and we leave it on the bed for the other to put away when they get chance

Not an hill worth dying on. Either hand it to him to take upstairs or take it yourself.

You might not think you are his housekeeper but he thinks you are.

Can you sit down and talk this through calmly about how his behaviour and responses make you feel and what the indicate about his thoughts towards you. State what you are willing to do in return for what he needs to do at home.

Ask him what he thinks your jobs and role at home should be, And listen to this answer very carefully. Stay calm but firm.

Make some decisions after that!

You are not being petty to expect to be equals in a relationship. He sees himself as more important than you, as someone who serves him, as someone too important for housework. If you’ve already had conversations about this then it’s time to just stop doing anything that benefits him. Easiest one to stop is all of his washing (and I mean all of it!!). Just shrug. ‘Oh, I didn’t see it.’ And walk off. That’s what he’s doing to you by not doing it in the first place. You are not his servant!

Before you start any petty tactics I’d try having a conversation first. I suspect it’s that he doesn’t really “see” it. He might move it out of the way but his brain won’t necessarily have registered it consciously. You’d be surprised how much your brain gets up to subconsciously. He’s not in the habit of taking things upstairs so he needs to retrain his brain to do it. Explain what you need from him, and that you need to be able to remind him without being accused of nagging.

The knob I’m married to stepped over some rubbish I’d put at the top of the stairs to take down to the kitchen bin recently. Actually saw it and physically stepped over it instead of thinking, I’ll take that down and put it in the bin.

Men are dense and not great thinkers, completely lacking any common sense. In my experience.

The older I get the more I realise that I know a lot of fantastic, impressive women and lots of less than adequate men.

Very true. My Dad managed to break his ankle tripping over something left on the stairs and that was only falling down two steps!

dont leave stuff on the stairs,
it is a trip hazard

Perhaps you can sit down and assign household jobs fairly between you. Be detailed and specific about what those jobs look like start to finish. Say one of his is the washing define what that entails from start to finish so you're both on the same page from the get go. So he doesn't half ass it and declare "youre just better at it"

I would stop storing anything on the stairs it's just dangerous and clearly it's not working.

I would also chat about banning the word of nagging. I would need him to understand why its misogynistic and for him to do his own research if he didn't understand why. If he didn't change his mindset and behaviors I wouldnt want to remain married to him.

You mention this is one of many things so maybe you need more of a serious relationship chat. You deserve to be with someone who views you as a equal partner. Men are completely capable it is a choice.

My husband doesn't pick up stuff from the stairs either. I have always considered this was my way of tidying things up, not his, so why would I want to force him to do things my way?

Let him manage his laundry if that's an issue for you.

I don’t understand why you’d put something on the stairs rather than taking it upstairs and putting it away but, given the responses in the thread, it seems a lot of other people do it.

I once did the washing before going away for a week for work and left it on the stairs. I came back a whole week later and Dh and then 2 year old dd had climbed over the pile…it was literally a mountain that required climbing over, blocked the entire stairs…for 5 days rather than take it all upstairs to put it away.

It does my fucking head in. Dh still puts his clothes on the stairs (I do my clothes and dc, but refuse to touch his), and will leave them there for easily 4-7 days. It’s hard to get over them, especially as I have mobility issues. He will literally stand on them going up and down the stairs 10x a day but not take them up. 😩

Neither do I to be fair, and I live alone.

I could not count the amount of times I've needed the toilet roll, or even a towel coming out of the shower.

At least I only have myself to blame.

Stair blindness... (?!)

I have learnt you just have to leave it. The ideal is you both chip n and take each others stuff but that only works if you are both on board. Take your stuff up leave his, if he mentions it tell him not to nag.

If you want it upstairs, take it upstairs, he clearly doesn't mind where it lives.

If it bugs you that much don't do his washing or leave it somewhere else. Leaving piles of clothes on the stairs is bonkers, it's literally 30 seconds to walk up and dump it in whatever room you prefer.

Wild that you get frustrated over something only your doing. If I need to go upstairs I don't make it my mission to do side quests on the side, I'll totally forget what I was going up for.

I'm team leave the washing where you put it. You left it there you can move it

He'll step over it. Guaranteed

I do this, countless bits of crap, just stuff them in his work shoes or work jacket pocket or work bag. Particularly hideous mugs left in the bathroom, I dump them on his precious computer equipment, wet rings all over that instead of over my nice surfaces.