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Original poster

Should I pay for all of the bills?

29 replies

Fairypop244466 · 07/11/2025 12:49

So long story short, I’m divorcing my husband. He had an affair, we have a 2 year old child together.

The family home is a 3 storey 4 bed detached house. I am currently working part time due to child care issues. Ex works full time and does pay child maintenance. He has our son around 8 days every month.

He decided to move out when the affair came to light and now lives with his parents. They have a 6 bed house so plenty of space for him and our son when he stays. He doesn’t contribute anything financially to his parents. They also owned another house which they offered to ex to live in but he didn’t want to.

I have stayed living in the family home as I have no where else for me and our son to go until we sort out the financials in the divorce.

Here’s the thing, ex wants me to pay for all of the bills on my own, apart from the mortgage payment which he is paying half towards. His reasoning is obviously that I’m living there so should pay it all. I see his point but I’m really struggling on my part time wage. He’s also dragging out the negotiations and we are getting no where fast with them. I was okay with him still living with us as the house is big enough so that we can live separately but he doesn’t want to.

I wouldn't expect him to pay half towards the other bills but maybe a small contribution just to ease up some pressure on me. I’m living penny to penny and he’s booking several holidays and concerts.

OP posts:
MattCauthon · 07/11/2025 12:53

Is he paying the mortgage on top of child maintenance? He's not really obliged to pay more than that, but I hear you - it would be nice if he could understand the actual costs and contribute accordingly.

I assume the plan is to sell the family home?

Dacatspjs · 07/11/2025 12:54

Depends on what bills you're talking about. Home insurance, he should be contributing towards; electricity, gas and water should be you.

Anything required for the house or mortgage until it is sold he should be contributing towards. Consumables are on you. He pays his contribution for these through child maintenance.

You need a plan to get the house sold

Chasingsquirrels · 07/11/2025 12:55

So he is paying half the mortgage plus child maintenance?

How does the child maintenance compare to what half the bills would be?

Original poster
Fairypop244466 · 07/11/2025 13:00

Chasingsquirrels · 07/11/2025 12:55

So he is paying half the mortgage plus child maintenance?

How does the child maintenance compare to what half the bills would be?

So I’m currently paying around £450 for bills. He is paying me £120 a month child maintenance.

He’s self employed.

OP posts:
Jeschara · 07/11/2025 13:05

Get the house sold, and use it for a deposit on a smaller house. It will reduce your bills. You work part time, you get maintenance so it would be doable.
If you cannot live on a part time wage can you work full time and and get 30 hrs childcare, which is paid term time if the child is not school age, maybe he can help with the rest.

Chasingsquirrels · 07/11/2025 13:05

Fairypop244466 · 07/11/2025 13:00

So I’m currently paying around £450 for bills. He is paying me £120 a month child maintenance.

He’s self employed.

Show quote history

That implies a very low annual income of around £14k (assuming no other children).
Does this seem right? If not look at getting the maintenance reassessed.

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 07/11/2025 13:06

Are his declared earnings a true reflection of his income?

vellichoria · 07/11/2025 13:10

It sounds like it would be prudent to move to a smaller house which would reduce the bills. I understand you but at the same time I also understand your ex: his money is also not unlimited and if bills weren't negotiated as part of your divorce settlement, they are not affordable as they stand and he doesn't want to cover them, then there are really only 2 options: 1) you look for a full time job and/or 2) move to a smaller house with lower bills. The options are obviously not mutually exclusive.

gamerchick · 07/11/2025 13:10

If you're part time are you claiming UC? Might help bump you up a bit for the minute.

Snorlaxo · 07/11/2025 13:18

You should get the house in the market quickly- the council tax must be sky high and there’s only 2 of you.

Once you’re divorced, he only has to pay child maintenance every month and if he’s nasty, as a self employed person he can make his income look very small so he pays you less CM. CM is a percentage of his income - savings etc don’t matter.

Do some research on UC if you’re not on it already. Hopefully they will be able to help with childcare costs and more.

Original poster
Fairypop244466 · 07/11/2025 13:19

Chasingsquirrels · 07/11/2025 13:05

That implies a very low annual income of around £14k (assuming no other children).
Does this seem right? If not look at getting the maintenance reassessed.

Show quote history

No it doesn’t seem right at all, but that is a whole other thread that I would have to make! I am trying to get it reassessed but child maintenance aren’t being much help!

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairypop244466 · 07/11/2025 13:24

vellichoria · 07/11/2025 13:10

It sounds like it would be prudent to move to a smaller house which would reduce the bills. I understand you but at the same time I also understand your ex: his money is also not unlimited and if bills weren't negotiated as part of your divorce settlement, they are not affordable as they stand and he doesn't want to cover them, then there are really only 2 options: 1) you look for a full time job and/or 2) move to a smaller house with lower bills. The options are obviously not mutually exclusive.

Moving to a smaller more affordable house is the goal but I can’t do that until we get the divorce sorted. I want to sell the family home but I can’t do that until he agrees to it. He’s not playing ball and is dragging the process out. But every month he delays means me getting into debt covering bills. I can’t up my hours at work at the minute and nursery can’t up my sons days anyway until January 2027!

OP posts:
PinkyFlamingo · 07/11/2025 13:27

Is he paying the right maintenance? Seems low!

elviswhorley · 07/11/2025 13:33

He's controlling everything.

I don't know anything about owning property, but here is what I do know:

Assets will be divided fairly taking into account:

dependants (you're the one who has them)
housing needs (his are met)
there's such a thing as forcing a house sale
you can start the divorce this very second on your phone
if you earn under 2k/month with a kid you don't have to pay

So I'd be looking into how to move forward

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 07/11/2025 13:33

If he’s self employed is he paying himself a low salary and taking the rest as dividends? This wouldn’t be in the standard calculation, I believe you can request for it to be included in an additional assessment. Can you do this? What does he actually earn? Either way no you’re not being unreasonable, he’s had an affair and left you to deal with the fallout. Why should you get into debt?! He must realise you can’t avoid it. Honestly I would be asking for half. You got the house together in good faith and he should contribute until it’s sold. He’s obviously not strapped for cash!

ShesTheAlbatross · 07/11/2025 13:34

I don’t really see that he would need to pay half the utilities if he’s not there.

He should be paying the correct child maintenance though of course.

CatsorDogsrule · 07/11/2025 13:39

If he was paying, minimally, his full obligation according to his earnings it might be OK, but you seem to indicate that his self-employed status is allowing him to under declare his earnings.

While they have no obligation to help, do you think your in-laws are aware and support his actions? If they wanted to help you, perhaps they could charge him rent/ a bills contribution and pass it on to you for their grandson's benefit.

Jellybunny56 · 07/11/2025 13:39

I think you need to really look at the big picture before rocking the boat to be honest.

£120 maintenance sounds low, but if he is also paying half of the mortgage and some money towards bills on a house he’s not living in then you’re really best keeping quiet because it’s unlikely maintenance would be that amount or more than.

He’s not living there so technically the legal argument is that as you have exclusive use, you’re expected to pay.

Shinyandnew1 · 07/11/2025 13:46

It sounds like you can't afford to live there on your salary and need to sell asap. I can understand why he doesn't want to pay bills for a house he's not living in, but don't get why he doesn't want to sell?!

Mauvehoodie · 07/11/2025 13:47

He should be paying far more than £120 a month towards child maintenance so I think that's where your main problem lies. I don't think he can be made to pay towards bills unfortunately but morally he does need to pay more than 1/2 mortgage and £120. I hope the CMS can help. Can you claim UC to help a little?

mumofoneAloneandwell · 07/11/2025 13:48
Fart Eww GIF by The Great British Bake Off

He should stop being a fucking bellend and support the mother of his child. Twat.

Mandylovescandy · 07/11/2025 13:52

How does he pay his part of the mortgage? Could you get a payment holiday and the money you save on paying mortgage go to the bills so you aren't getting into debt?

Wowisthisit · 07/11/2025 13:56

Often self employed men lower their wages so they pay less CM and when the divorce is going through they pay less. See a solicitor and get them to go through financials. Check to see if he has suddenly taken a big pay cut which, hopefully, will be seen as fraud. Also make sure you claim against everything. Do not take a smaller cut to make it quicker, that is what he will be hoping which is why he will be holding things up.

AlphaApple · 07/11/2025 14:01

Well he's taking the piss with that amount of maintenance. I hope you get that sorted. Did you manage to get any evidence of his income and assets before he moved out?

If there's any money in a joint account you can spend it without asking him.

Otherwise all you can do in increase your own income - either by increasing your working hours or getting a higher paid job - or make money in other ways, like getting a lodger.

vellichoria · 07/11/2025 14:01

@Fairypop244466 Moving to a smaller more affordable house is the goal but I can’t do that until we get the divorce sorted.

Sorry, didn't understand straight away your divorce was still in progress. It sounds like bills should be a part of your divorce settlement negotiations. It's a difficult situation. Unfortunately, if he doesn't want to pay and keeps dragging his fee, the only option is to look for a full time job and then require him to contribute to childcare costs?