Mum guilt after taking son to a concert

[Confusedpige0n]

I took my 11 year old son to see McFly vs Busted. He loved every second of it, About 30 minutes to the end of the 2 1/2 hour concert i suddenly thought I should have given him ear plugs to wear. It never crossed my mind to take them for him. I’m now feeling like the worst parent in the world and that I’ve damaged his hearing. I can’t believe I didn’t even think of it, perimenopause brain has me forgetting all sorts lately but this is unforgivable and I feel absolutely awful that I could have caused irreparable damage. Has anyone taken their children to concerts and they’ve been fine? I’ve wound myself up so much since we came home that I’ve been sick and can’t sleep I’m wracked with guilt about how irresponsible I’ve been.

I’ve been to a ton of concerts and f1 races without ear protection and I can still hear perfectly fine

I’ve never given them to my dc, adults now, nobody wore them in the past apart from very small dc of celebrities at Glastonbury! By 11 they had been to many concerts, festivals and gigs.

big concerts will have strict decibel limits in place, oddly it’s smaller concerts/pub gigs that are louder

People only started doing the ear plug thing in the last twenty years- we were all fine!!!

None of us wore ear plugs to concerts as kids years ago. We are fine.
The world has gone mad.

What now? Come on, he’s not 2!

Surely not necessary in those big arena concerts. Would never have occurred to me. I think of them as more for if you're standing right by the speakers or in a small venue.

I hate to do the Mumsnet thing of telling you to get help for your anxiety but I do think you should consider it. It's just taken the shine off a nice evening with your child. Vomiting from anxiety over something like this is really extreme. You shouldn't have to feel like that.

This has to be one of the most ridiculous things I've seen blamed on perimenopause 🙄

My children are adults now and neither they or I have ever worn ear plugs at a concert or festival. And I play at gigs that my children have been to and took them to festivals all through their childhoods.

It was one McFly concert.

My parents used to take me to Notting Hill Carnival as a kid, those speakers were LOUD. My hearing is fine!

OP, some posters are being very harsh to you and don’t know why. You sound like a lovely caring mum (even if prone to worrying, which many of us do, so I understand). Maybe some posters here think you mean the big over the head ear defenders that people get for toddlers and young kids at festivals, but you mean earplugs and that’s reasonable. There are some you could get for future concerts that many musicians wear - they filter the sound so it still sounds good but prevents damage I think. But please don’t worry about this one-off. Musicans wear them to avoid accumulated damage over loads of gigs over time.
Health and Safety is a thing nowadays at venues, and they would have made sure it wasn’t at a ridiculous sound level. Your son will be fine. xx

Ps and hardly anyone else in the audience would have been wearing them… don’t beat yourself up over this x

Years ago gig used to be loud, you’d “feel” the bass in your body.
Recent gigs have been disappointingly quiet in my experience. Even my sensitive DD9 has been taking off her ear defenders

Of course loud music damages hearing. All those people who are "fine" are no more instructive than the "My dad smoked till he was 91 and he's still running marathons" brigade.

HOWEVER, hearing is most at risk from long term, repeated exposure to loud sound. People who work in factories or similar environments all day, every day. The bar staff at those small venues with punk roaring out in the 70s. Rave DJs in the 1980s. All now finding in their 50s, 60s and 70s that "everyone mumbles nowadays". Nope. You've lost your high frequency hearing - slowly, imperceptibly but permanently.

A pop concert now and again in a modern arena is very low risk.

Noise damage adds up over time, so some noise repeated many times can cause tinnitus and hearing loss in the long term.
it would generally have to be extremely loud to cause damage as a one off. So don’t worry about this time, but you can get musician’s ear plugs for the future . These just reduce the intensity of the sound but it still sounds like it was intended to.
Just being slightly further back from noise often also helps as noise levels drop off quite quickly with distance.

On a related matter, It is also really important to only wear ear defenders/ear plugs when there is noise. Wearing them routinely just makes the person more sensitive to noise as the brain tries to adapt in order to hear. Similar to wearing sunglasses all the time. It also sends a message to a child that normal levels of sound are dangerous. So if you use them eg when autistic children are overwhelmed, it would be best to limit this and help them learn to cope gradually in busy situations. I think 5 minutes is the maximum time recommended, ideally.

OP you have only been unreasonable by taking your kid to McBusted instead of Rammstein 🤣

If you’d made him wear earplugs he’d have taken them out.

My first concert was aged 10, ear defenders were not a thing 20 years ago...

I'm surprised the number of people who think earplugs are unusual and unnecessary. At gigs I've been to (mainly metal), they're pretty common but I guess the venues are smaller and a lot of people are also musicians so aware of the risk of cumulative damage.

Nothing else fills me with anxiety except the thought of making the wrong choices for my kids. Money, house, work etc nope - kids, all the time!!
Ive just been and bought some vitamins for peri with added bits for healthy minds. My drs weren’t a lot of help last time I went either and just basically said ‘you’ll be fine’ 🤯

Yes, but this was one concert. There is no cumulative damage.

Sometimes straight talking is needed!

I went to a fair few very loud gigs when I was young. I have tinnitus. It never occurred to me to connect the two, but it hasn't ruined my life.

Your son could have put his fingers over his ears if he thought the music was too loud. No need for ear plugs.
As others have said, this scenario is not worth the anxiety it is causing you. Please see your GP about it, they should be able to help you.

He’s 11 not a toddler.

I go to a lot of concerts. I have Experience loops but I find I only need them at smaller, grass roots venues. Very rarely at an arena gig only if we are directly i front of speakers.

My son was in a band and my husband is a musician with a hearing disorder so I am very careful about my hearing. I have them because of repeated exposure when I was going to see my so play.

Yes this is my thinking, I spent many a night dancing on the massive speakers at my local club because I liked to feel the beat when I was dancing 🙄 Now I have tinnitus on and off. If he’s as daft as his mum then that’s his problem when he’s older but while he’s young I’m supposed to be the responsible one🤦🏼‍♀️ Next time ear plugs if we are stood as close as we were last night!!