Crazy ex's with small babies

[BoyMummummum]

I just had to sit through ANOTHER story of a couple we know who is divorcing, the couple has a toddler, the father is a SAINT and the woman is crazy and manipulative and seriously unhinged (not my words) and everyone piles on but somehow she is also good enough to be the primary carer (so she can't be too crazy, could she?).

We're at an age where everyone we know is having kids and also starting to divorce. This is the 3rd such story.

How is the world so fucking mysognistic. I did actually challenge this "friend" and said if she is this crazy and horrible, surely she's not fit to have the toddler full time? I'm a solicitor, I can recommend a few people who work in family law who can help challenge the arrangements. "Oh no she's a wonderful mother". Really?! She's somehow so unhinged, it's unbearable to live with her, but she is a wonderful mother. LOL.

DH has told me off and said I shouldn't have said anything, the man is going through a hard time and it was rude.

I said oh come on, I'm a mother myself, I know how hard it is and I'm not going to sit there and indulge this mysognistic BS without pointing out the obvious. I won't (and didn't) get into an argument (I let the conversation move on) but surely it's logical to assume that if she's actually crazy, HE should be making efforts to take the child full time?

Good on you for speaking up. I've heard similar conversations in the past and it's infuriating!

Well done. I know someone whose partner has a crazy ex who apparently ‘date raped’ (her words, not mine) him by drugging him to get pregnant…three times. He has 3 children with this woman over the course of like an 8 year relationship. Apparently, non-consensual sex every time because she’s crazy and he never would have agreed to have a child with her if he hadn’t been drugged. New partner totally bought the story and everyone around him is like ‘oh poor diddums, such a hard time he’s had!’ 🙄

What makes me angry is that everyone just nods along and piles on the poor woman.

Have the decency to just say you weren't happy, why do we have to demonise a first time mum to a 2 year old???

@mindutopia The only explanation I have is that they're so ashamed for their relationship failing, they have to come up with something extreme to excuse them walking away from a young child at a difficult time.

What you’re doing is just as dreary and preferable - making a ‘first time mum’ out to be above any criticism whatever and crying ‘misogyny’ if that happens. Not many women actually want to give custody of the children to the father anyway, despite complaining about how useless their ex is. And some women hate their ex more than they love their child and will do everything possible to be as difficult and obnoxious as possible. These people exist.

I didn't say mothers are above criticism. I said if she is crazy, manipulative and unstable, the father should be looking to be the primary carer. If he's not, then it's probably all a lie. He either is happy to see his child being cared for full time by someone he genuinely thinks is crazy OR he's a lazy arsehole who just wants to slag his ex. Either way he's a piece of shit.

And it doesn't matter what she wants, mothers don't actually get to dictate these arrangements. Many men like this "friend" just can't be arsed to challenge it because they don't actually want to do more.

I read a tweet that said if a man says his ex is crazy, ask him what size of shoe his kids take. Try it.

It's very strange that it's always the ex who is a nutter. Statistically that is impossible!

I think we know each other. At least, this is very, very similar to the yarn spun by my ex. He's probably not alone. Idiots.

My ex has 3 crazy exes - I wonder what we all have in common.

To be fair, you can be a good parent but very bad partner.

Ultimately he was there to let it all out. That's what friends are for. After all, they don't have mumsnet. Plenty of posts here about unhinged partners who are good enough to have the kids overnight too.

Well done on challenging it. We need to do that more. I've had a couple of friends get with men who had 'crazy' ex's. Both men turned out to be abusive.

@mindutopia what did I just read, daaaang. Some people are creative 😂

‘Why do we have to demonise a first time mum to a 2 year old??’

I mean, this is just asinine. So what if she’s a first time mum to a two year old? What does that have to do with anything? Does that mean she’s exempt from any criticism?

My ex in-laws tell everyone I’m absolutely crazy. I just ignore it as anyone who is actually in the children’s lives know I have sole care of the children, and social services say he shouldn’t see them. So I’m unstable/unhinged or whatever the insult of the day is, but I’m the one deemed to be the children’s protective factor and totally capable of keeping them safe and sound (no SS involvement needed as long as they are with me).

Your husband has a big streak of misogyny.

He thinks he can tell you off because his friend is a lying POS slandering his ex to her former friend group. Fuckers, both of them.

God you are not wrong. A recent conversation with an acquaintance, he (without me asking) told me his ex wife had been “mental and unstable” prior to his affair so he had no choice but to leave her for his affair partner because she “wasn’t safe to be around”. My asking why he therefore felt it safe to leave his children with her and not see them for 6 months went down like a fart in a space suit. He was totally full of shit, trying to justify his cock addled behaviour ……

Poor mental health is literally used time and time again against women even when they are the main carer of children. I used volunteer for DA charity and this came up all the time.

This is brilliant.

No, but it presumably just means that she knows her kid's shoe size and what needs to go in the nursery bag.

Just to give you hope. A local very sociable couple have recently split up.
The news shocked a lot of people although not my DH #soproud
The first story was she went away with women friends, came back and told him she wanted a divorce, sat the kids down that afternoon. Crazy huh, didn't even give him a chance to fix it.
As he's ranted over the next month, partied so hard everyone is beginning to realise that maybe it wasn't his first warning and he's actually had a good 15 years of getting away with it.
The stbx wife is looking rather cool.

The problem is narcissistic and misogynistic men are also often charming and persuasive. So their new gf buys the rhetoric that their ex was the issue when that is total bs.

An ex girlfriend had a carpet fitted.

The fitter came from the hamlet my ex wife & I lived in, she remained there after I left.

She came over afterwards 'You said your ex was a bit strange not that she was a raving nutter'

Turned out she had been seen assaulting her subsequent partner and father of her second child in the road..............

I knew nothing about this

People exaggerate when they feel wronged 🤷‍♀️

If you believe half the MNetters on here, nearly every MIL is a narcissist and no-one ever raises their voice during an argument with their DPs.

Most people will exaggerate relationship difficulties/breakdowns to make themselves look like the more rational one.