Crazy ex's with small babies

[BoyMummummum]

I just had to sit through ANOTHER story of a couple we know who is divorcing, the couple has a toddler, the father is a SAINT and the woman is crazy and manipulative and seriously unhinged (not my words) and everyone piles on but somehow she is also good enough to be the primary carer (so she can't be too crazy, could she?).

We're at an age where everyone we know is having kids and also starting to divorce. This is the 3rd such story.

How is the world so fucking mysognistic. I did actually challenge this "friend" and said if she is this crazy and horrible, surely she's not fit to have the toddler full time? I'm a solicitor, I can recommend a few people who work in family law who can help challenge the arrangements. "Oh no she's a wonderful mother". Really?! She's somehow so unhinged, it's unbearable to live with her, but she is a wonderful mother. LOL.

DH has told me off and said I shouldn't have said anything, the man is going through a hard time and it was rude.

I said oh come on, I'm a mother myself, I know how hard it is and I'm not going to sit there and indulge this mysognistic BS without pointing out the obvious. I won't (and didn't) get into an argument (I let the conversation move on) but surely it's logical to assume that if she's actually crazy, HE should be making efforts to take the child full time?

Thanks OP. I could be the ex partner of your friend. Mine has reported me to the LADO for safeguarding concerns towards the kids I work with yet his three under 5 he’s happy to leave in my care full time, 7 days a week. The system is broken sadly.

YANBU. Couldn't agree more.

The three of you you mean ? 😂

Good on you OP. Men should be called out on this.

They use it as a reason why they should not be required to pay a reasonable contribution towards their children and a reason why they are not seeing their children. And a reason why assets should not be divided fairly.

So essentially it's a line trotted out by men to avoid their responsibilities and screw over their ex partners. They are not nice people and do not deserve to be treated as if they are.

You answered your own question. They are ashamed. They know what sort of man walks out on his partner and small children and don't want to be seen as "that guy".

They are also the one out and about crying poor me, poor me, pour me another drink.🙄 Meanwhile his Ex is at home, looking after the children, dealing with their feelings in top of her own shock and heartbreak and running the household on her own. Wondering what will happen with the bills, the family home, her career and her future.😮

Good on you for calling out the lie @BoyMummummum.👏👏👏

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Unless there are serious safeguarding concerns both parents should be sharing care. Caring for your child isn’t a personality contest or prize

The other explanation is that he was a useless manchild of a father and she had to carry the full load of childcare & housework and ended up nagging him out of frustration. It’s a tale as old as time

I’m one of several “crazy exes” the father of my very young children claims to have. He takes great pleasure in telling me that his friends know what a psycho I am.

I’d put money on him leaving the fact that he abandoned his children when one was a newborn, expects me to work full time and care for them full time, and that my “craziness” is actually a reaction to years of emotional and psychological abuse, out of the narrative.

We met when I was young and naive. I know now that “crazy ex” is one of the biggest red flags going.

Thank you for actually challenging this guy.

Ive met my dh’s ex (kids adults so much less stress I should add) and I know about her from dsd who lived with us, I’ve heard pretty crazy stuff actually, and to be honest if the dc were young may have been an issue but as over 18 a non issue. Dsd asks me about problems!

I’m always amazed by the women who start relationships with men spouting this stuff.

Was gonna say the same

For men and women, aiming never to be in a situation where you have to divorce an arsehole is a life plan. All the more aim not to co-parent with an arsehole.

Essentially if someone is wonderful to you, but an arsehole to everybody else, sooner or later you will be part of the everybody else and they will be an arsehole to you.

I can only say this as dp’s ex-wife is such a mensch. Her one aim in life is to make things ok for her kids. She and dp are genuine friends. We’ve all been on holiday together. It can be done.

I know a man with a mentally unstable ex (because I know one of his now adult dcs). Because she was genuinely mentally unstable he left with the children and fought for her to only have supervised access.

He has never called her crazy.

Men who call their ex crazy but happily leave their dcs in an environment that was too much for them- a grown adult - to cope with are either liars or terrible parents.

And he did let it all out and got a lot of sympathy. I replied with a practical answer - wow, poor you, hire a solicitor (I can recommend a few great ones) and get the child away from the ex. To which he replied "no no she's a good mum and she wouldn't want me to have the kids more than her anyway". LOL. Ok.

Until that point all he was talking about was that she severe anger issues, she makes stuff up, she's manipulative, lies, his daughter is sad and tries to cheer her up, she's suddenly racist too, can't be arsed to take the daughter to nursery, feeds her junk etc.

So basically he’s a liar who’s bad mouthing his ex to make himself look good - and so can’t be trusted (as if you’ll do that to the mother of your child, what lies would you say about your friends?)

Or he’s a terrible father who is leaving his child in a position he couldn’t cope with because it’s just easier than actually parenting your child.

Either way, not great. Can these men not hear themselves and not realise if people believe them about their ex then they will be judging him harshly for leaving a child in that situation? Or is it that men are just so used to being able to walk away it hasn’t occurred to him that everyone who hears that plus hearing he’s leaving his child in that situation is judging him harder than her.

If she’s “crazy” then she can’t help being a bad parent, he’s got no mental health issues so is just choosing to be a shit dad.

Eugh, sounds like a guy I know. Two kids in another country that he barely sees because their mother is ‘crazy’. He tells the tale that she tricked him into both pregnancies by saying she was on the pill. Come on mate, she may well have tricked you the first time, but fool me once and all that.

He’s married with a new baby now, lots of social media posts about ‘the best day of his life’ and ‘the best baby ever’. Bet his kids will be delighted to find those when they’re older 🙄