Page 3 | Mid argument with boyfriend

Whatwouldyoudo111 · 2025-11-06T19:02:55+00:00

Will try to keep this short and sweet, however I need opinions. As per the title, mid argument with boyfriend as I feel he has lied to me about where he stayed on two separate occasions earlier in our relationship (have been together for 13 months). He has denied this, but regardless during this argument I spitefully brought up his ex partner, insinuating she is a plain Jane (yes I know) and he came back to me and said she isn’t she has great tits a great ass and an athletic body she’s fit. He then reaffirmed she does have great tits! He has since apologised and has said he said it to hurt me, but I honestly feel he’s crossed a serious line in already a pretty serious predicament we were in. wwyd? AIBU? For the record he is 33.

MissJoGrant · 06/11/2025 20:56

OP: AIBU?

MN: Yes.

OP: What a waste of time (flounce).

Gottocopebymyself · 06/11/2025 20:59

MissJoGrant · 06/11/2025 20:56

OP: AIBU?

MN: Yes.

OP: What a waste of time (flounce).

Given OP's update do you really feel no sympathy for her?
That is pretty callous.

Original poster

Whatwouldyoudo111 · 06/11/2025 21:24

MayWelland · 06/11/2025 20:47

The problem is, OP, that you didn’t give that context in your first post, so the people commenting were doing so with the limited information you provided. Mumsnet users are a lot of things, but I don’t think any of us are clairvoyant.

Understood - I just wanted to keep it short and sweet as per my OP but I understand the context entirely was not there.

thank you

OP posts:

Homegrownberries · 06/11/2025 22:32

For the love of God break up. You're toxic together.

Happyjoe · 06/11/2025 22:38

Whatwouldyoudo111 · 06/11/2025 20:26

Thank you for the lack of support. I am 35.

For context, I had blocked him on every single Channel for multiple things. He called me at 05.20am continuously until I answered, I did. In anger after amounts of abuse I said, “please go back to your plain Jane ex” because he continuously speaks unkindly about my exDP who is the father of my children and quite frankly at that time of day, and with everything else I’d had enough and yes I was being petty! He has called me fat twice in the last two weeks (I’m 50kg and a size 6/8 so I am not). So yes when he said she is not she has great tits great ass and an athletic body, on top of the other abuse it did hit a nerve because he likes to put me down! I do also have “great tits” but I don’t need to hear about hers. I am not insecure but there is a line, and a boundary when it comes to commenting on ex partners bodies so disrespectfully to the woman you are trying to work things out with.

i won’t be commenting again. What a waste of time with women who I felt may be a more supportive community.

Please, get out of this relationship. You need someone who respects and doesn't create drama. Your partner sounds horrid and untrustworthy and now you've explained things better, you need someone good for you. It's knackering being in relationships like this.

Frostynoman · 06/11/2025 22:41

You crossed the line and baited him. At that point you reap what you sow.

If you have to resort to these tactics then consider your compatability and work on your emotional lability

INeedAnotherName · 06/11/2025 23:04

Whatwouldyoudo111 · 06/11/2025 20:26

Thank you for the lack of support. I am 35.

For context, I had blocked him on every single Channel for multiple things. He called me at 05.20am continuously until I answered, I did. In anger after amounts of abuse I said, “please go back to your plain Jane ex” because he continuously speaks unkindly about my exDP who is the father of my children and quite frankly at that time of day, and with everything else I’d had enough and yes I was being petty! He has called me fat twice in the last two weeks (I’m 50kg and a size 6/8 so I am not). So yes when he said she is not she has great tits great ass and an athletic body, on top of the other abuse it did hit a nerve because he likes to put me down! I do also have “great tits” but I don’t need to hear about hers. I am not insecure but there is a line, and a boundary when it comes to commenting on ex partners bodies so disrespectfully to the woman you are trying to work things out with.

i won’t be commenting again. What a waste of time with women who I felt may be a more supportive community.

What sort of support are you actually looking for here? Because based on this update you have a toxic relationship with an abusive man and you shouldn't be in mid argument or dating him at all.

Harrassing you with continuous phone calls and name calling are both classed as abuse according to DA charities.

Stop arguing and ditch him. Permanently.

DaisyChain505 · 07/11/2025 08:40

You may not be happy with people’s responses but that’s because a mirror is being held up to you and your relationship and you don’t want to hear the truth.

Arguing, bringing up ex’s, blocking and such other, calling continuously at 5am isn’t healthy or normal for a couple in their 30s.

Youre describing the behaviour of your older teens or young 20s. First relationship kind of behaviour where you don’t know any better and you’re learning what’s ok and isn’t.

Allelbowsandtoes · 07/11/2025 08:58

janehopper · 06/11/2025 19:24

But I quite like him for defending her against the bitchy comment about her looks.

Im not sure he was defending her, more like making sexual comments about her body to upset OP.

Defending her would have been saying something like "well whatever you think, I found her beautiful "

gannett · 07/11/2025 09:01

Whatwouldyoudo111 · 06/11/2025 20:26

Thank you for the lack of support. I am 35.

For context, I had blocked him on every single Channel for multiple things. He called me at 05.20am continuously until I answered, I did. In anger after amounts of abuse I said, “please go back to your plain Jane ex” because he continuously speaks unkindly about my exDP who is the father of my children and quite frankly at that time of day, and with everything else I’d had enough and yes I was being petty! He has called me fat twice in the last two weeks (I’m 50kg and a size 6/8 so I am not). So yes when he said she is not she has great tits great ass and an athletic body, on top of the other abuse it did hit a nerve because he likes to put me down! I do also have “great tits” but I don’t need to hear about hers. I am not insecure but there is a line, and a boundary when it comes to commenting on ex partners bodies so disrespectfully to the woman you are trying to work things out with.

i won’t be commenting again. What a waste of time with women who I felt may be a more supportive community.

If someone I'd blocked was repeatedly calling me at 5.20am I would simply turn my phone off.

If I blocked someone I was dating on multiple channels that would essentially also be dumping them. They would be an ex and the relationship would be over. Even less reason to answer the phone to them at stupid o'clock.

It sounds like you should have ended it permanently before the phone call, and you should be ending it permanently now. Then you don't have to end up embroiled in arguments where you both say bitchy, spiteful things.

SilverPink · 07/11/2025 09:38

Well after your update why are you even still with the guy? Nothing wrong with being single. It would certainly be better than this toxic relationship.

UninitendedShark · 07/11/2025 09:40

This is not a good relationship.

Sartre · 07/11/2025 09:44

Sounds like a pathetic argument teenagers would have, not adults in their 30s. I suggest you both grow up.

Swiftie1878 · 07/11/2025 09:47

You sound like a not very nice person.

WinterBerry40 · 07/11/2025 09:48

Vaxtable · 06/11/2025 19:10

I think you need to grow up

Agree .

TheLivelyRose · 07/11/2025 09:54

She long ago accepted what she said, wasn't quite right.And ducked out from the thread, and you re all still having a go kicking her and calling her names.

Honestly, find an outlet, better suited to you. If you want to have a go at someone.

PeachyKoala · 07/11/2025 10:07

Swiftie1878 · 07/11/2025 09:47

You sound like a not very nice person.

Agreed

Now you're throwing your toys out the pram as you've been called out on your awful behaviour OP

Original poster

Whatwouldyoudo111 · 07/11/2025 12:21

I am honestly shocked by these messages.

I am an amazing person with a big heart. How dare any of you put me down like this? I came on here as I was upset, and I wanted a female perspective. Yes, I held myself accountable by explaining I should not have referred to his exp as a plain Jane, but I did in reaction to the abuse I was already getting in regards to him putting me down about my physical appearance trying to make me not feel good enough. I was simply having a rant, and needed some validation that him sexualising his exp like this was not ok when 1. I had already ended the relationship the night before hence the blocking and 2. He was trying to win me back, in the worst way possible.

i do not expect anyone to understand my situation with the vague post I posted, however do not tell me I do not sound like a nice person. I’m a bitch. No one can say they haven’t said something unkind about another woman before.

Thank you for kicking me whilst I was down already. Opinions can be had, however I just wanted to be seen from my side. There is no need to call me names, because quite frankly that’s worse than my plain Jane comment.

OP posts:

AutumnLeavesFallingFast · 07/11/2025 12:41

Coconutter24 · 06/11/2025 19:09

You were admittedly being spiteful and you then didn’t like how he reacted…. Serves you right 🤷‍♀️ he’s not going to agree with you she’s a plain Jane, he obviously found her attractive as he was with her. Play stupid games win stupid prizes

This to a T!

Cherry8809 · 07/11/2025 12:55

Whatwouldyoudo111 · 07/11/2025 12:21

I am honestly shocked by these messages.

I am an amazing person with a big heart. How dare any of you put me down like this? I came on here as I was upset, and I wanted a female perspective. Yes, I held myself accountable by explaining I should not have referred to his exp as a plain Jane, but I did in reaction to the abuse I was already getting in regards to him putting me down about my physical appearance trying to make me not feel good enough. I was simply having a rant, and needed some validation that him sexualising his exp like this was not ok when 1. I had already ended the relationship the night before hence the blocking and 2. He was trying to win me back, in the worst way possible.

i do not expect anyone to understand my situation with the vague post I posted, however do not tell me I do not sound like a nice person. I’m a bitch. No one can say they haven’t said something unkind about another woman before.

Thank you for kicking me whilst I was down already. Opinions can be had, however I just wanted to be seen from my side. There is no need to call me names, because quite frankly that’s worse than my plain Jane comment.

“I came on here as I was upset, and I wanted a female perspective.”

…And you got it, actually. Unanimously, in fact.

Unfortunately for you, you didn’t like that perspective.

I suspect you were hoping for pitchforks at dawn for his distasteful comments.

INeedAnotherName · 07/11/2025 17:01

i do not expect anyone to understand my situation with the vague post I posted,

Well there you go. Unsurprisingly, nobody understood you and yet you are outraged and offended we didn't. That's on you OP, not us.

FOJN · 07/11/2025 17:09

I didn't need to know context to know that both of you need to grow up. You came for female solidarity after insulting another woman in order to hurt a man. You're no feminist.

Grown adults do not get into arguments about who has 'good tits".

GreyCarpet · 07/11/2025 17:16

The thing is, OP, he wouldn't have said anything about her tits, her ass or her body in general if you hadn't made the comment about her being a Plain Jane.

So whatever rye has said that's upset you since is entirely because you cast the first strike.

If he is unkind to you generally, you can end the relationship for that. You don't need anyone's permission.

Scottishskifun · 07/11/2025 17:32

OP I suggest you read your first post through no where did you state that he was giving you abuse, that you had in fact broken up and that he had called you fat etc.

So people gave you their opinion based on the information you gave that it was a spiteful thing to say and you had no right to get on your high horse about.

Had you given further info you might have got a slightly different response of block and move on. But it's still spiteful to be trying to judge a separate woman who isn't connected to you for point scoring.

FuzzyWolf · 07/11/2025 17:35

So you are still in the midst of an ongoing argument but stopped to start a thread to confirm you are in the right?

YABU. If you want to be spiteful about someone in an argumentative setting or effectively ask them to give an honest answer to something you might not like, then you have to accept what they say.