Argument with DH over childcare

[Housemusic90]

I’ll try and keep this short. I work PT and have two weekdays off work to look after our DS. He has been a handful today and I’ve asked DH if he’d consider not going to the gym after work as he has planned. I’ve asked this on the odd occasion previously too.

DH says that me being off work is my choice and we could put DS into nursery for an extra day or two if I didn’t want to have stressful days, and I could work and contribute more money to the household.

AIBU to feel like he’s being unnecessarily awkward and should be willing to forgo the gym to help me out?

That’s not necessarily true at all.

Yeah. Go back F/T. Split all costs, including childcare, proportionate to individual incomes. Divide all domestic responsibilities equally. Ensure equality of recreational time. Sorted.

If he thinks that then he shouldn't be a parent. If my DH thought that our children weren't worth looking after then I would divorce him for being a vile human being.

Then you'd be looking after them the whole time yourself

Then I hope he never asks the OP to take over his family duties due to having a stressful day at work.

The point, which you've chosen to miss, is that thinking that looking after your children is beneath you or in some way unpleasant makes you unfit to be a parent.

The main thing is, do you go to the gym while he looks after DS and would he expect you to cancel it if he’d had a tough day at work or was tired or something? There’s no right answer to this, but you need to agree as a couple when you will tough it out and when you won’t.

It’s a bit concerning that he doesn’t seem to value you being at home with your child. It would be worth discussing what you both see as the benefits for the child of this arrangement. It’s also worth pointing out that they are two days a week when he doesn’t have to worry about what to do if the child is ill and can’t go to nursery.

He may just think you’re having a lovely day off. It would be worth leaving the two of them together for a day at the weekend occasionally, so that he can see what it’s like.

The main thing is, do you go to the gym while he looks after DS and would he expect you to cancel it if he’d had a tough day at work or was tired or something? There’s no right answer to this, but you need to agree as a couple when you will tough it out and when you won’t.

It’s a bit concerning that he doesn’t seem to value you being at home with your child. It would be worth discussing what you both see as the benefits for the child of this arrangement. It’s also worth pointing out that they are two days a week when he doesn’t have to worry about what to do if the child is ill and can’t go to nursery.

He may just think you’re having a lovely day off. It would be worth leaving the two of them together for a day at the weekend occasionally, so that he can see what it’s like.