Does anyone else miss their first boyfriend?

[ReminiscingPineapple]

I split up with my first boyfriend about 8 years ago. We were together for 3 years. We were very up and down due to his MH issues. When things were good they were great and we had some great times together. But whrn they were bad they were awful.

I’ve since married a lovely man and have two gorgeous daughters. But whenever something reminds me of my ex I feel a pang of sadness that things didn’t work out. I would say I think about him most days. I would NEVER do anything about this and I’ve not seen him since we broke up.

anyone else reminisce about an ex a lot? Is this normal with a first relationship?

I think herein might lie the answer op!

I never forgot my first love. My only love.
After we split I was with someone else for eight years and married for four of those years.

I engineered the end of my marriage knowing that I could be start again with first love. We've been together thirty nine years now.

The eight years with the other man was a violent hell and he has spent a lot of years in prison. However my love for my first love wasn't due to that violence. It gave me the reason to leave free of guilt.

Nope, he was an arse.

Just to be clear, I don’t regret us splitting in the slightest! I just think about and miss the good times when we were together a lot. I think an element is the care-freeness of it all too. We had a few great summers together travelling to lovely places, getting dressed up, eating in fancy places. All easy to do with no children!

I look back at my first boyfriend with fondness as he was a genuinely lovely person and I broke his heart - I was 19! Now 32 and I never think about him or other exes but do miss how lovely his family were. It was a nice bit of middle class escapism when my parents would be fighting all the time.

It doesn’t sound very carefree in the slightest

he had very serious mental health issues
very up and down
and he would occasionally treat you appallingly

Funny this should come up!
I was decluttering last night and found an old diary - 1985 - which of course I read. Had just finished with the first BF after 2 years. Didn't realise how uncomplicated and normal that relationship was until the second came along who (not that I realised it back then of course) was a total shit, and played the most awful mind games. He had several on the go at the same time I learnt later. I'd like to apologise to the first one because I now realise the pill didn't work well for me, made me depressed and grumpy and I would like to try and explain that to him and apologise

Yes I think you are picking and choosing op to "enjoy" what you are missing in your life atm.

I'm still with mine. I chose well the first time.

Not my first, but I occasionally miss a boyfriend from my early - mid twenties. In reality he was a bit of a dick and it wasn't a good relationship in lots of ways, but I sometimes miss his energy and confidence, and the spontaneous adventures we had together. It's mostly about missing being young and free of responsibility really. When I met my husband we settled down and had kids fairly quickly - time wasn't on our side - so we've never been carefree in our life together. He's 1000% the better man though.

My first serious love was from 25-33. We had a lot of really good times, and were very happy for a long time. We had an acrimonious breakup, but now I'm 50, I don't really bear him any ill will. Weirdly, he followed me on social media about a year ago (I'd bumped into his sister, who I still get along with, and she must have told him.) I tweet mainly professionally, as I'm in a job which relies on sharing a lot of events. Well, any 'thinking of him fondly' ended around then, as it turns out he's become a Reform supporter. and massive racist. Lovely.

From your description of his MH issues and the ups and downs it sounds like you’ve dodged a bullet with this first boyfriend.

I certainly don’t miss my first boyfriend. He was an abusive arsehole who destroyed every last shred of confidence I had.

I hardly ever think about my first boyfriend but he regularly appears in my dreams. My marriage is a much much better relationship, I could never have been this happy with my ex. I probably dream about him so much because it was such a big time in my life. He was my uni romance so I think my dreams are more about that stage of my life rather than him.

Yes but am very relieved we split up! Our paths have taken very different routes.

My DH and I are happily married with the odd hiccup when I dream about being single but never with my 1st love 🤣 I’ve been with DH since he was 17 😀

You should probably start a thread about your marriage op, as that is clearly at the root of all this navel gazing

@ReminiscingPineapple You're still relatively young and I suspect you miss the child free, single days more than you miss the mental health disaster that was your ex. You're longing for fun and to be carefree and associating all of that with your ex when it wasn't really about him, it was about youth and freedom.

I used to but not anymore as I can’t get worked up about relationships anymore. We broke up early 1980s but the sad thing is he was in fact the most decent guy I’ve had a relationship with. I was only about eighteen so if someone told me that there were no better fish in the sea (at least not the ones I ended up with) I would have been horrified. He’s obviously still a decent bloke as he’s been happily married for forty years.

Nope not really thought about him for years. Hes on my facebboknthough Mind you it was nearly 40 years ago.

No, even 45 years later I can still remember that he was rather pompous and boring! I would not have had a happy life with him.

Sometimes I wonder what if. Looking at his life on Instagram, it is what I would have wanted and looks so nice.

Then I remember there was a reason why we broke up.

I dont miss my first boyfriend.

God no. But I did really miss his parents. That was the relationship I grieved over.

First boyfriend was 16-18 and whilst he was ok as teen bfs go, I have never missed him. I've only missed one out of my exes - missed dreadfully. Then I met DH and don't miss even the one I pined for anymore.

I do know what you mean. My son (20) recently split up with his first serious girlfriend after 2 years. He's gutted and though I know it's something he has to work through, it brought back very strong memories of my first serious relationship coming to an end. I think first love is usually so resonant because you're having all those feelings and experiences for the first time.

It was decades ago but he does pop into my head now and again, and it's strange how sharp my memory is. The boyfriends I had between him and my husband are a bit of a blur and I don't remember them or think about them the same way at all, in fact barely at all.

He wasn't my first "boyfriend" though. The first lad I dated (chastely) and thought was wonderful for a few weeks was a total pillock! Those memories are not resonant!

I agree with all of this!