Did I give too much?

[user12367e7e7]

Nursery manager called me and asked if I was ok giving £50 to a member of staff who is no longer my child's key worker. It was a gift card. Maybe the staff member had to report it but she's been part of my child's life for 1.5 years being a key worker and I appreciate her....(And appreciate her not to get anything but cash she can spend on herself)

Others have understood

Yes apologies
i have been stupid

Honestly you have been so rude.

He or she? Either way just say yes it's fine I wanted to give that amount.

You aren't obliged to give gifts but if you can afford it it's very kind.

I had extensive treatment quite a few years ago and knew that the gift I was giving would need to be declared as had asked the member of staff if they were allowed to accept gifts. She always wore pearl earrings, I love pearls but I knew hers were fake so bought her a real pair. She was delighted, she was going to declare them.

They can get in trouble, I assume it’s a worry about favouritism or exploitation. It was the same where I worked. The best gift I ever received was a decent cashmere wrap. My colleague was offered a car once but it involved something dodgy, he declined but declared the offer.

I'm quite amazed OP.

I understand saying thank you to people but I would never think of giving a gift to somebody who was doing their job and being paid for it.

Similarly I don't understand giving gifts to teachers at end of year and gifts to doctors and medical staff. And I have also learnt now people routinely tip tradesmen which is alien to me.

Perhaps it's a generational thing but I was brought up on the understanding people got paid by their employers and the only people who got tips were hairdressers, taxi drivers , railway porters, hotel porters and removal men. The removal men tip was hopefully to make them careful with your belongings and a lot of people begrudged the taxi driver tip because many drivers saw it as a matter of right and not something earned by being helpful.

I'm sure it was a generous thought OP but i don't understand why people are more or less imposing " service charges" on themselves.

My hairdresser is doing my hair. Nursery staff are providing care to my children

All fine, she was just being polite in checking.

Well yes but it's their job to look after your children.
The tradition of tipping hairdressers - which I'm not particularly keen on these days - was born at a time when young women actually had to pay the employer a premium to be taken on as an apprentice hairdresser. And for a lot of families this was scarcely affordable. They then worked for a pittance and that's why tipping the youngsters who washed your hair became a thing.
I don't think that scenario applies to support workers, teachers, medical staff etc these days.
To me giving gifts cultivates a culture of favouritism. Trying to buy good treatment - as in the case of removal men.
Society is uneven enough as it is without promoting a culture of paying for special tratment for services.

Some of them on MN are mental.

A rare situation where everyone has behaved really well. Great that the key worker went above and beyond to look after your child. Lovely that you appreciated her. Correct she disclosed it. Diligentand and appropriate that the nursey checked it was genuine and there was no coercion.

'm sure it was a generous thought OP but i don't understand why people are more or less imposing " service charges" on themselves.

Unless I’m misunderstanding, I don’t think this is fair. Nursery nurses, hairdressers, teachers etc don’t impose this service charge on themselves. They don’t ask for gifts. It’s not their fault that their clients/customers etc like to buy them a gift.

It's very common give a gift to nursery workers or teachers when the child leaves or at Christmas. It's more important to show your appreciation of someone who has done a particularly good job of looking after your child than it is to show appreciation to a taxi driver.

I know nothing about removal men as I've never had occasion to use them, but in the scenario the OP is describing, how is it "trying to buy good treatment" when the whole point of the gift is that the member of staff is no longer working with the child?
This is nothing to do with tipping or service charges, this is a gift of gratitude from a family to a person with whom their child has built up a relationship over more than a year. It's not expected or necessary, that's the whole point of a gift, but OP clearly feels that the key worker has been a benefit and a blessing to the child over their time together, above and beyond the basic contract between family and nursery

I've worked in nurseries gifts were usually little things like chocolates/mugs/little trinkets costing no more than £10. I never got a gift card there was a policy that we could not accept cash gifts, I'm not sure if gift vouchers would have come under that.

But I just don't accept that you should need to give gifts to someone who was doing their job. The support worker is being paid to be a professional . She shouldn't need to be given gifts. She is paid a salary.
Why should OP be "grateful" to someone that they did their job well. Doing the job well should be the norm.

I don't understand why you were asked if you were ok to give the £50 gift though? If you had given it then you were obviously ok about it - how could you not be? I just can't envisage the conversation;

NM: "So I believe you gave X a gift card for £50?
You: "Yes, I did"
NM: "Were you happy to do so?"
You: "Yes. I chose to give the gift so am clearly happy to have done so"

Lol well I don't know why she asked if it was ok... I wasn't going to say "no give me half back"

They spend 50 hours with my child.

They aren't robots

I wonder whether they thought you had made a mistake because it was quite a large amount and were just checking you had put the right one in the card. Eg . Perhaps thinking you had bought one for a relative and one for keyworker and mixed the gift cards up when you put them in the cards, and that’s why it was worded as “are you ok with giving £50?”- to give you chance to rectify it if it was a mistake.

You are very generous with your gift giving.

She's not been rude????

I think it was very kind but it does seem a lot. Also did they ask you to give it or did you volunteer?

Taxi drivers were originally paid tips for doing things over and above the norm. Eg for helping with bags etc. For providing an extra service. That was before the tip came to be seen as the norm regardless of whether any extra service was provided.

Nursery workers and teachers should be providing a professional standard in their work. That is what they are paid to do. They all should be doing a good job. Parents shouldn't need to give gifts as gratitude that they are actually doing what they are paid to do.

It's crazy that standards and expectations are now do low that people are grateful for what should be normal.

Some people feel that there's a difference between doing the job well - fulfilling all the requirements of the employment to a high quality level - and then going "above and beyond the call of duty", which instills gratitude in the client/service user. If someone doesn't agree, that's fine - as I said, a gift is given without expectation or necessity. It's equally fine for those who do to express their gratitude without anyone insinuating that they're trying to buy good treatment, especially from a person with whom their relationship is ending.
I left a job a couple of years ago and my boss gave me some vouchers for a shop I like. She didn't need to do that because she'd been paying me every month for the whole time I worked there. It's just a nice - totally voluntary - way to mark the end of a working relationship

I have absolutely no idea how you have reached that conclusion but I admire your judginess imagination