Is my friend BU to want to see me every weekend ?

[Nameydamey]

NC

We are both mid 40s with teen DC. I have a long term partner. We both work FT week days. She wants to do something with me every weekend.

AIBU or is my friend ?

Neither of you are

She's not BU to want to see you every weekend. But you ABU if you don't say no from time to time if it doesn't suit you.

its about balance and mutually agreeable. For you, it’s too onerous, so say something

Really??
OP, this is weird. Grown ups in their 40s don't have these kinds of friendship as a rule. What does she say when you say you are busy some weekends?

Think it depends if she wants to meet for an hour for a coffee or is asking for a whole day such as shopping with lunch etc.

You mention your partner does she have one? If not is she lonely?

Has she always been this way?
I would find that so suffocating I'd rather end the friendship.

None of you are unreasonable, unless there is more to it than your post. How long have you been friends, have you always seen each other every weekend but you want to stop it now?

It's just a mismatch. I have one friend that has about 10 times as many friends as all my other friends because she's very extrovert and it means she's always go someone to make plans with.

Agree with others, neither are unreasonable.
i see a friend most weekends because she picks me up and we go to an exercise class together. She has young dc, mine are older (adults and one teen). Sometimes we hang out and go for breakfast or a coffee affer the class just so we can continue having a chat and she can stretch out the time away from home 😂
if either of us are busy the other will
go alone but the standard set up is that we go every weekend.
slightly different in that there is a ‘purpose’ for our meeting but it often overspills. We enjoy each others company and if we don’t have other demands on that time then it’s great and well spent a bit more time together than is required.

If you don’t want to that’s fine, you can just say you’re not available this weekend.

I would find this absolutely suffocating.

She has a long distance BF (uk) but she hardly sees him. She wants to do anything with me at the weekend, there is no real purpose imo eg exercise class/try new restaurant

It sounds suffocating to me. I think she is lonely and unreasonable!

@Sunfloweranddaisy it can be just meet for coffee.. but she turns it into a whole afternoon. I never suggest coffee because she then knows I'm free and suggests something else and before I know it the 1.5 - 2 hour coffee has turned into a 4 hour + event.

The ‘purpose’, presumably, is seeing you, though?

But it’s irrelevant what she wants — what do you want?

No, I didn't even do this when we were in our 20s and both single. I think she's lonely, but she isn't your responsibility

How long have you been friends? Has she always been like this?

If I were you, I'd just say you're busy doing stuff with DH this weekend but will hopefully catch up soon. If you keep this up she's got to take the hint eventually!

You are. You owe her clearly

It's fine if you don't want to.

I don't think sibu as such - I'm late 40s, married with 2 dc, and if my best friend was local, I'd try find time to see her every week, probably by combining it with exercise, shopping etc. But that's exceptional, that's the kind of sisterly relationship where it's zero effort. And who knows if that would happen now or if that's in my head!

You really shouldn't feel obliged to see her or say why you don't to. Just set your terms. She is probably very extrovert and needs a wider circle of friends.

I think it's unreasonable to want to see the same friend every single weekend. It turns friendship into obligation. That friend needs to widen her circle, and OP needs to learn to say no nicely.

I don’t think either of you is being unreasonable - except if you don’t want to see her as often then you need to say. It round be unusual to see friends so often as the vast majority are in long term relationships and/or have children so we have other commitments

Unreasonable probably in context of modern western culture where socialisation is to be kept as much within the nuclear family as possible. In plenty of other cultures it would be considered deeply odd not to be seeing your closest friends several times in any given week.

I'm amazed that people are saying 'neither of you are being unreasonable'.

I think it's pretty unreasonable - and more than a little weird - for an adult in her 40s to be expecting to see the same friend every single weekend. All seems really clingy and suffocating to me. Surely most people would accept that their friends have other things in their lives that would occupy their weekends?!

Yep, it is weird and more befitting a teenage friendship.

It's weird. She needs a life!

Can't you join something YOU enjoy, sport or other, so you do the class together. You both win, you do your hobby, she sees you and meet other people. And you only booked for the duration of the class, then you both go home.

Even without kids, who is free and available every weekend - unless it's an exercise class of some sorts? It's nuts. Sometimes it's hard enough to have free time for your own partner 😂

Yanbu that would be far to much for me I usually see friends about once a month for a couple of hours.