Bit the bullet and claimed CM - mighty fall out

[Cantbloodyrememberthenameonthread]

I’ve posted before about my ex kicking up a fuss over maintenance linked to other threads hence the name change.

I’ve finally bit the bullet today and filed for child maintenance. I’ve let him know. He’s royally kicked off.

background - he claims to have given me X amount up front for X years (it was from equity of our house sale which I was entitled to but didn’t do legally for a number of reasons). He backtracked the amount, reduced my equity, then when I protested said he’d “top it up” to the original figure but it was to be classed as a lump sum for maintenance. I explained at the time it didn’t make sense legally or morally but just let it be after an extremely stressful house sale.

this was earlier in the year, due to a number of reasons I’m now physically having to claim to support dc. I’ve let him know today after speaking to my solicitor and all hell has broke loose. Swearing at me, telling me I’m a joke, cheeky, grabby etc. he’s a high earner going through mortgage process for new house after we sold ours, says I’ve fucked it for him with regards to affordability. Apparently his family warned him I’d do this. It ended in him telling me to fuck off and putting the phone down. He then text saying how much am I expecting so I sent him the screenshot of the calculator. I also asked if he’d rather sort between each other or go through their route. He ignored this and replied “just wow” to the amount. Imo he can afford it. Say for arguments sake he earns circa 5k pm after tax. Maintenance works out about 500. Then he also has a decent amount deposit from the house sale equity to put towards new place (but that’s neither here nor there. DC back with me today just went to collect and he ignored me took dc inside while I gathered things from porch and shut the door on me without saying a word. As he’s ignored my text I’ve now filed online. When speaking earlier it sounds as though he’s thinking of contesting it or something. He said “well good luck because they’ll send me a letter first and I can’t afford it”

i have “cost him money” over the years with my own problems that he’s essentially bailed me out of when we were together. However to me this bears no relevance on maintenance for DC.

my old fashioned mum thinks because he has DC 2-3 nights a week it’s not fair on him to have to pay but she can see why I now need to claim (long history of having to second guess myself with dm)

AIBU to think I’m in the right here?

Wow

Why do men go absolutely berserk when being held accountable for their responsibilities? My ex has done exactly the same. Has even gone as far as to tweak his self employed income to make it look like he earns a pittance after lording it up for the last few years at apparently how much money he was making and how important he was because of this lucrative business that he has supposedly built up!
He has gone mental at me for daring to go down this route and for not pulling out. So now, he has to prove his income every year and I am happy he has to go through that. It's the least he deserves. One day he'll fuck up and forget the bullshit web of lies he's weaved and get caught. I can't wait for that day.

Sounds as if you should limit contact with him to official channels and only to discuss access arrangements for DC.

I don’t understand the bit about the equity from the house. Did he give you your fair share of the, presumably, marital home in the end?

God but your mother is a truly disgusting sub human.
Pitying a man who orally raped her daughter.
A real low.

You poor pet. I actually think thats what you should be saying to her.

Did you ever think of reporting him?
Even if you don't want to be part of a prosecution, you could have his name on the police files.

I'm so sorry.

I’m a little confused…

Are you saying he currently gives you £500 a month?
And the child is with him 3 days a week?

Did you seek legal advice to ascertain whether it is realistic to expect more via CMS. I don’t have any personal experience, but I wonder…

Regards earnings, HMRC have an easy access register to look at what's been paid as PAYE. You can register to see your own.

I had no idea until I was helping someone with a pay issue at work and they showed me their HMRC file..

Absolutely shameful, do you feel better for saying that?

YANBU. Going through the CMS saves all sorts of unnecessary aggravation over the years until your DD ages out. If he messes around with paying then ask for them to do collect and pay. You get 4% less, but he has to pay 10% more as a bastard tax, which is highly satisfying. I'd just caution you not to rely on it though. My DC's father didn't pay maintenance for years and the CMS did naff all about it. He now pays just under £19 a month. Such riches

I had this exact situation with my ex. High earner and wanted to give me what he though was appropriate (he said he thought it was a piss take that my wages were not considered too). I think he wanted to give circa £200 a month IIRC and he ended up having to me around £700. He hasn't spoken to me since, wouldn't attend our DD graduation this summer as he didn't want to sit next to me. Fuck him though it was me who has been left to raise our kids with him seeing them maybe once a week at best.

I clicked the wrong vote, it should have been yanbu. Sorry.

Keep going mate, how can you be fucking up his plans?? Fuck him and keep all the messages that he sends you

If he is genuinely going through the process of buying a property and getting a mortgage then yes this will indeed affect his borrowing (mortgage) capability so this will likely mean he can’t buy what he intended to buy, Hence the anger. That’s not your problem. Proceed via CMS, ignore all his ranty messages and silly behaviour, onwards!!!