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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A knobhead or trying to bully a "foreigner?"

84 replies

AcquadiP · 05/11/2025 15:04

I've just been to the supermarket and headed to the chiller section. A man was blocking the two doors to the section I needed with his trolley. His partner was looking at produce in the opposite aisle. They had a girl with them aged early teens who was wandering back and forward across the aisle. The man had a very unpleasant expression on his face so rather than politely ask him to move, I went to a door not blocked by his trolley and managed to get what I needed from there. The girl was stood in front of this door but seeing me approach she moved away. The man said:
"There's a simple word: 'excuse me' rather than pushing people out of the way."
I replied very calmly that I hadn't pushed anyone out of the way.

I could have added that "excuse me" is two words, not one, and that he was inconsiderate to block access to the chiller cabinet with his trolley but I chose not to. Much to my surprise, what I said silenced him immediately. I expected some sort of pushback. As I carried on with my shoppimg I realised I was wearing a hoodie with "La Dolce Vita" in large colourful type on it and it made me wonder whether he thought I was a foreigner who he could bully?

OP posts:
Realrobin · 05/11/2025 15:31

I originally voted YABU, but I also know that there are ppl out there who will absolutely make a snap assessment of whether someone is foreign and this will affect their behaviour towards them. I think it's very unlikely that this is what happened in this situation. Maybe he just didn't expect you to talk back and defend yourself.

HorrorAndHaagenDazs · 05/11/2025 15:31

Man blocks entrance to chiller cabinet and gets uppity when someone alerts him to his fuckwittery.

I really dont think it was racist just because you were wearing a hoodie with italian on it OP.

yuol · 05/11/2025 15:31

just sounds like a bunch of dramatics from both sides.
people stand everywhere while waiting for others in their family to grab stuff in the supermarket, that’s not the big deal you’re making it out to be.
some people have resting bitch face.
Hoodies with different languages and phrases or places isn’t something people associate with the person being foreign, they’re all over mainstream shops.
he shouldn’t have said the excuse me comment but you should have just asked to get in instead of reaching through the other door.

this is a no big deal, why try and make it out into some bigger drama

WellYouWereMythTaken · 05/11/2025 15:33

Why would he have assumed you were foreign based on what was printed on your clothing though? He sounds like an ignorant bellend but I wouldn’t assume he was xenophobic based on that exchange.

RubySquid · 05/11/2025 15:34

AcquadiP · 05/11/2025 15:04

I've just been to the supermarket and headed to the chiller section. A man was blocking the two doors to the section I needed with his trolley. His partner was looking at produce in the opposite aisle. They had a girl with them aged early teens who was wandering back and forward across the aisle. The man had a very unpleasant expression on his face so rather than politely ask him to move, I went to a door not blocked by his trolley and managed to get what I needed from there. The girl was stood in front of this door but seeing me approach she moved away. The man said:
"There's a simple word: 'excuse me' rather than pushing people out of the way."
I replied very calmly that I hadn't pushed anyone out of the way.

I could have added that "excuse me" is two words, not one, and that he was inconsiderate to block access to the chiller cabinet with his trolley but I chose not to. Much to my surprise, what I said silenced him immediately. I expected some sort of pushback. As I carried on with my shoppimg I realised I was wearing a hoodie with "La Dolce Vita" in large colourful type on it and it made me wonder whether he thought I was a foreigner who he could bully?

Did you say excuse me?

AcquadiP · 05/11/2025 15:35

Realrobin · 05/11/2025 15:31

I originally voted YABU, but I also know that there are ppl out there who will absolutely make a snap assessment of whether someone is foreign and this will affect their behaviour towards them. I think it's very unlikely that this is what happened in this situation. Maybe he just didn't expect you to talk back and defend yourself.

Yes, unfortunately there are.

You could be right about defending myself especially as my tone of voice was deliberately calm and quiet. My facial expression, however, almost certainly read, "piss off!"

OP posts:
RoseAlone · 05/11/2025 15:35

Oh for goodness sake 🙄 🙄🙄🙄

Nobodytouchmywine · 05/11/2025 15:36

Only on mumsnet one can find such a ludicrous post🙄

PInkyStarfish · 05/11/2025 15:37

How utterly ridiculous.

sunflowersintheday · 05/11/2025 15:38

FeliciaFancybottom · 05/11/2025 15:31

That's a leap worthy of Neil Armstrong 🙄

😂😂

AcquadiP · 05/11/2025 15:38

RubySquid · 05/11/2025 15:34

Did you say excuse me?

It wasn't necessary. The girl had moved away before I had reached the door.

OP posts:
StandFirm · 05/11/2025 15:38

The day I think wearing prints with foreign words on it is likely to attract xenophobic abuse in this country is the day I'll make arrangements to leave it and quick.

sunflowersintheday · 05/11/2025 15:40

Just say "excuse me".
Stop judging people by their expression.
He wasn't rude because he thought you were Italian.

sunflowersintheday · 05/11/2025 15:40

StandFirm · 05/11/2025 15:38

The day I think wearing prints with foreign words on it is likely to attract xenophobic abuse in this country is the day I'll make arrangements to leave it and quick.

I know! 😂

Starlight1984 · 05/11/2025 15:43

I realised I was wearing a hoodie with "La Dolce Vita" in large colourful type on it and it made me wonder whether he thought I was a foreigner who he could bully?

Oooohhhhh..... I was wondering why my DH brought me a croissant and a string of onions the other day. It must have been because I was wearing my t-shirt which has "Je t'aime" on it!

Ablondiebutagoody · 05/11/2025 15:46

Crazy, yes. Foreigner, who knows? This whole incident is ridiculous.

AcquadiP · 05/11/2025 15:47

Thank you to those who have posted a polite reply.

OP posts:
Keroppi · 05/11/2025 15:50

What a stupid thread that makes fun of real racist encounters.

sunflowersintheday · 05/11/2025 15:51

Starlight1984 · 05/11/2025 15:43

I realised I was wearing a hoodie with "La Dolce Vita" in large colourful type on it and it made me wonder whether he thought I was a foreigner who he could bully?

Oooohhhhh..... I was wondering why my DH brought me a croissant and a string of onions the other day. It must have been because I was wearing my t-shirt which has "Je t'aime" on it!

😂😂
That'll be why!

RubySquid · 05/11/2025 15:52

AcquadiP · 05/11/2025 15:38

It wasn't necessary. The girl had moved away before I had reached the door.

To the dad rather than reach across him I meant. This is a nonsense thread anyway

sunflowersintheday · 05/11/2025 15:53

Keroppi · 05/11/2025 15:50

What a stupid thread that makes fun of real racist encounters.

Exactly. It's making people laugh, but there are genuinely frightening racist incidents every day and it's a massive issue. Society is becoming polarised.

FuzzyWolf · 05/11/2025 15:53

FeliciaFancybottom · 05/11/2025 15:31

That's a leap worthy of Neil Armstrong 🙄

Perhaps if I wear a jumper with a spaceship on it, people might assume I’m an astronaut. 🤔

sunflowersintheday · 05/11/2025 15:55

FuzzyWolf · 05/11/2025 15:53

Perhaps if I wear a jumper with a spaceship on it, people might assume I’m an astronaut. 🤔

😂

barskits · 05/11/2025 15:56

If you were a 6' bloke built like a brick shithouse he wouldn't have said anything.

YelramBob · 05/11/2025 15:57

RubySquid · 05/11/2025 15:34

Did you say excuse me?

Or 'mi scusi'? 🤣

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