Humiliated on first call with new team

[Freyaa9]

I’ve just moved roles internally and there was a teams call with my new colleagues earlier - about 15 in total.

My new manager asked everyone to take turns and introduce themselves, explain their role/work history and say something they are interested in outside of work. Standard stuff.

I said I’m really into the gym and someone asked what sort of thing I do so I explained I’ve gotten in to bodybuilding recently. Someone then asked if I take protein and I said I do supplement with it when needed. A different colleague then said that ‘they bet my arse sounds like a church organ’ to a load of laughter.

I felt so humiliated and didn’t know what to say other than to fake a laugh. I told my DH this evening and he says that’s really rude and the manager should have said something.

Someone you’d never met said that on a work Teams call in front of a load of colleagues? Wow.

That’s really unprofessional. It would really damage my perception of these people. Was the team you have moved from like this?

Tricky if you’re new and don’t want to rub people up the wrong way but I would have a quiet word with your manager and say you found it unacceptable. Start as you mean to go on, make it clear you don’t appreciate and won’t tolerate this.

And keep a note in case it happens again.

It was an impolite (and odd) thing to say, but it's no reason for you to be humiliated. Whoever said it is the one who looks weird here, so I'd try to reframe it as an embarrassing moment for them more than for you, though I'm sure someone will come along to say that they think it's funny. Maybe the rest of the group shares a similarly juvenile sense of humour, if the laughter was genuine.

Unless this develops into a trend of behaviour (trying to make you uncomfortable), I'd try my best not to dwell on it.

FFS! How some people behave in a seemingly professional environment never ceases to amaze me.

Hope you are OK

How bloody rude.
You’d receive a warning for that where I work, although it would never happen in the first place.

I think in these instances it says more about the person who made the comment, and the people who laughed along, than it does about you.

Also some people just cannot compute that women do body building. I had really negative comments at work when I got into strength training. More fool them.

Continue with pride in your body building and tell them extensively about it. They might learn something.

I agree that the comment made them sound a fool not you. Very odd and inappropriate thing to say in any circumstances.

There was a very similar thread the other week about someone being embarrassed on a Teams meeting.

Seems it's not as unusual as it should be.

So rude! FWIW not sure why protein shakes woukd make you fart?? So odd.

I’ve told people at work that I’m into bodybuilding. Men ask me what sort of weight I lift. My workout splits, etc. I guess to check out if I’m doing it “properly”.

Ah, you’ve encountered the office clown. Forgive, but don’t forget. They’re a twat with inadequate social skills but currently indulged by the team.

What a weird comment. Definitely one for them to be embarrassed about rather than you. No one, apart from him and you, will be giving it a seconds thought post that call.

Well I think you're a queen anyway.

A bit of a strange thing to say to someone you don’t know in a professional setting. I suppose it depends on the culture of the place and that comment and the subsequent laughter suggests that this is the sort of ‘banter’ they have with each other.

I think humiliated is a bit over the top. I’d have probably smiled in a totally unamused way and said something like ‘…..ok then shall we move on from my arse.’

15 people sat looking at each other over some crap bit of computer software talking rubbish doesn't sound very professional to me - but if you can get paid for sitting in your PJs take the money whilst you can until AI takes over!

The person that said it is the one that looks stupid here.
I would hazard a guess that as you get to know the team, you find out this person is disliked by most of the team and they just tolerate them.
In fact they probably did you a favour as now everyone who dislikes them and has had similar comments from this idiot, is on your side automatically. Even if they laughed it would have been nervous or fill the awkwardness laughter.
I have literally seen similar scenarios play out time and again.
Unless you work with an entire team of bellends, in which case you will be looking for a new job soon anyway as you will hate them.

Time for your meds, Nigel.

That's awful! I would absolutely complain about this and expect an apology. That sounds like they're trying to put you down or minimise you? Don't stand for it, raise it with your new manager and say it's concerning to you, and not the level of professionalism you expect from this team.

I honestly think this is a bit of an overreaction and would probably mark her out as high maintenance and trouble causing. Demanding apologies and making complaints when you’re new to a team isn’t the best way to make friends. It’s very likely it will all be put down to the colleague ‘having a laugh’ and op will look uptight. Not saying that’s right but it’s sometimes how it is.

Although the comment was crass and unprofessional I don’t think it sounds like a deliberate attempt to belittle or upset you op. More like someone looking for cheap laughs or trying to break the ice.

I personally wouldn't complain but I would have that person's card marked as a twat who I'd watch out for. I would look at it as they've humiliated themselves, they're just too stupid to realise it but they've also done you a favour by showing you what they're like right from the get go which is in your favour.

My guess is lots of people think this one is an idiot and internally roll their eyes but don't want to make a fuss so they laugh along. I wouldn't assume they're thinking badly of you as opposed to this clown

What a dickhead. I’m curious about their seniority in comparison and both of your time at the company. Sounds like a keeping you in your place comment to me.

Some of the jokes mumsnetters' colleagues titter at are very lame.

Agree. The person who made the childish remark is the one who should feel humiliated. They are probably too thick, though. And the manager letting it pass. I wouldn't respond, but just note that you are now with a company that has fairly low standards.

I'd feel really let down by the manager. You shouldn't even have to raise it with them. They should be on this like a tonne of bricks and telling the person it was unprofessional and not to speak about colleagues in those terms.

The manager being lax on professionalism is probably how the situation arose in the first place.

Isn't there some saying about the culture of a place being set from the top down?

But if the manager is willing to let it pass, it may not be worth complaining this time. Forewarned is forearmed however, their card is marked and you can have a take down comment up your sleeve for next time to show you won't meekly tolerate this rubbish (and sadly there probably will be a next time with a pratt like that on the team)

Terribly poor manners. I would give that person short shrift and probably have a word with management.

That said: this is why it's best not to be too earnest and over-sharing in these situations. The less you give people to work with, the less vulnerable you will be. Or, as my former boss said, "You don't have to answer every question put to you."

You could have said something bland like "My husband and I have been working lately to upgrade our garden; it's been great fun poking around garden centres." Or "Lately we've been redecorating our spare room." Boring as could be. And leave it there.

Yup, same here.

So rough and inappropriate! You shouldn’t feel humiliated though, it only looks bad on him.