Humiliated on first call with new team

[Freyaa9]

I’ve just moved roles internally and there was a teams call with my new colleagues earlier - about 15 in total.

My new manager asked everyone to take turns and introduce themselves, explain their role/work history and say something they are interested in outside of work. Standard stuff.

I said I’m really into the gym and someone asked what sort of thing I do so I explained I’ve gotten in to bodybuilding recently. Someone then asked if I take protein and I said I do supplement with it when needed. A different colleague then said that ‘they bet my arse sounds like a church organ’ to a load of laughter.

I felt so humiliated and didn’t know what to say other than to fake a laugh. I told my DH this evening and he says that’s really rude and the manager should have said something.

I wouldn’t have felt embarrassed, I would have said something back in the lines of it being an odd thing to say. Also, in these types of situations I never say too much, just give a very short, bland answer. I couldn’t care less how that looks. My colleagues are not my friends, and I don’t need to overshare my life during a team session.

What a pitiful low life, they humiliated themselves by being a crude half wit but what a shock for you to hear a comment like that in a professional situation. I woulld make an mental note of it and see how things go as you settle into your role.

Fair enough if you think that. I have a lot of experience of being the junior in senior teams and having to make it clear from the beginning that I come to work to work, not to deal with people. Maybe I'm too sensitive to it!

In my experience in management I came down hard on people pushing others out of the group, it makes things much easier when no one goes home upset, or misses sleep over a shitty colleague. And the shitty ones leave when they get bored of not being allowed to be shitty which makes everyone happier.

They should be the ones embarassed by an unprofessional comment to someone they hardly know. Nothing for you to worry about, OP.

So many things you could have fired back:

yeah maybe if Charlie Chaplin was playing it
well it certainly doesn't smell of incense
at least I don't break wind through my mouth
No, a vicar has never been near it, were you a choir boy by any chance?
It's none of your business

Unless your work for Viz that’s really inappropriate

That's rude and werid of them. Just ignore it and in future try not to talk about personal stuff with them, keep it all professional.

Definitely more a reflection on them than you. Was the laughter awkward or genuine? Maybe ask your manager if that sort of comment is typical of them as it felt undermining, is this person your colleague or subordinate?

Ask them to explain the joke. Always.

You have not been humiliated, but my goodness that other person is humiliating. I wouldn’t be trying to get to know them, and you don’t need to fake laugh next time they drop that kind of tasteless clanger.

To which the sensible response would be "I bet yours sounds like the devil's trombone".

Nothing you said or did sounds embarrassing. You spoke of gym and protein. The guy though, maybe he was nervous, but it's a weird thing to talk about a stranger farting. His contribution is on him.

This is like a mirror situation of this thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5432934-to-ask-if-my-joke-to-new-work-colleague-would-have-offended-you?page=1

Agree with this

I wouldn't complain, but I'd be wary of this person

Who cares? It was a badly thought out joke, just let it go. I work in a very male dominated area and the blokes say stupid things all the time. I don’t care 🤷‍♀️

Look there’s multiple ways you can approach this.

That could be anything from ignoring it.

or intermediate step - you can raise a concern/ask your manager to have a quick word

Or nuclear step - you can ask to move to your old team

It’s your choice but personally I’d think carefully about your next steps. Ultimately that team clearly has a joking culture and if you want to succeed in role, you ideally want to try to fit in with the culture - and I think raising a concern might lead to you being singled out as the team won’t want to joke around with you but will keep joking around with each other like this. I’m not saying that you deserve that or that it is okay by the way - I just think logically, how else are the team going to take it if this is their engrained culture? One person can’t change the entire team’s culture.

Maybe the best thing is to keep your eye out for jobs and keep applying as the team dynamic might not be for you?

Wow. It's not an OK thing to say, but I don't think you were humiliated. It looks much worse on them.

The bloke’s clearly an idiot and to be pitied and mostly ignored, but I’d be more wary of a shit manager who allows this childish nonsense to pass without dealing with it.

The manager is not to be trusted!

I’d put in a complaint to HR about bullying. You were deliberately humiliated and belittled in front of your work colleagues. It isn’t acceptable in any way, even if it is the ‘culture’ in this department.

Jesus, where the hell do you work. They sound like morons. I would ask my manager if thars the general tone of work meetings and if so you found it rude as a newcomer. It is also the type of thing an insecure twat would say to try and esrablish some weird power. Sad fcrs

I bet it was a male who said it.

Lighten up 😂

IMO, the really weird thing is talking about activities outside of work.
"Hi everyone, I'm a retired sailor & pilot, & I enjoy fucking very young people."

It is a bit Pick Me to go on about bodybuilding that much as a first impression.
Just say you like reading next time

He was humiliated and probably thinking he should have said nothing…but too late.

Everyone was feeling ackward hoping you weren’t a vengeful type 😂😂

I think, you are fine tbh and maybe he will think twice next meeting.