Who is bu about wedding situation?

[Youresovainvain]

This isn’t about me but someone I know a difficult situation.

Man and woman are getting married, they’ve already been together for 10 years.

The woman wants to elope or just have a tiny wedding with two witnesses. Her pov is that she doesn’t want a big fuss, she feels that if they try to have a small wedding it will escalate and get out of hand. Overbearing relatives that will try to take over the arrangements, if you invite Sue then you have to invite Sue’s partner and children (that sort of thing). She also feels that they don’t have the money for a proper wedding.

The man agrees that he doesn’t want a fuss, but he is worried about upsetting his family and what they might think. He just feels that it wouldn’t be right to do it without involving his family.

Yabu - the man is in the right
Yanbu - the woman is in the right

They’re both worried about upsetting their families, but for slightly different reasons and with slightly different sokutions

HE is worried about upsetting them if they aren’t there at all. His solution is to just invite eg parents and siblings (no sibling partners or children)

SHE is worried that she will upset her family if she invites just siblings, but not their partners, children, stepchildren and grandchildren.

It might help if she could see that their worries come from the same place - upsetting family. And then try to find something both of them are happy justifying to their families.

I don’t think strangers on the internet can really resolve this as it’s so emotional on both sides and just takes one set of people to be unreasonable to cause huge upset.

however, I DO think given how large her side of the family is, that she could totally justify a limited invite list of just her parents and siblings (no partners, no kids) by saying they want a very small wedding of just eg 10 people, and so unfortunately can’t extend it to the whole of her extended family. So long as she is consistent about it - no “oh but Jane’s DH can come cos I’ve known him longest, and so-and-so’s daughter my favourite niece” - I would expect her family would understand. I doubt they will be much less upset by not being invited at all tbh!

We did it with 5 weeks notice. Still ended up with 74. Most were family. Only invited people we both knew.

Exactly, which is why I've condemned the one person who has said they would not compromise.

I didn't say anything about a "mama's boy" as I think that's a moronic term, so perhaps you've somehow managed to misunderstand what I actually wrote.