To hate the school system and at end of tether

[Spiritofeden1989]

My DD is year 9 - she’s bright, was above average in her SATS but the secondary system has broken her completely.

She used to love learning - she struggled to settle at secondary and hasn’t had any support, quite the opposite in fact. The school is so punitive that it’s broken her completely- she was at one point school refusing because she couldn’t face being punished for forgetting a pen.

Instead of supporting her to come back, they have been useless and it’s been like a spiral downwards. They treat her like they have given up on her. She’s not naughty, just disengaged and they don’t care.

I am now worried that my bright once engaged child who loved learning is now going to fail her GCSEs because of a total failure in support. I have to fight at every single turn for everything- no one has ever once asked her in school if she’s ok or bothered to find out what might help.

I am in total despair- the other local schools don’t have places so I can’t move her despite trying desperately. I feel like my relationship with the school has broken down as no one has listened to me. It’s archaic and at no point has the wellbeing of the child in mind.

Anyone got any advice? Am at end of my tether.

The school sounds unsupportive but to schools’ defence in general (my DCs been though secondary - both diagnosed w anxiety and more than likely ND - and I’ve worked in a school which was good for SENCO provision), they are absolutely inundated with kids who have MH issues, are neurodivergent, etc. and just don’t have the funding for enough LSAs to assist in classrooms or to deal with every child with a mental health issue.
Bring over punitive isn’t the answer, but if a child doesn’t have the right equipment to learn on a regular basis they will get behaviour points/detention as it’s not rocket science to bring a pen to school even if the parent has to put it in their blazer pocket or suchlike. A one-off - fine, you borrow a pen from a friend but imagine it gets waring if continuous - for teacher and child.
I would push for more support, go to GP, get formal diagnosis, access therapy, does school have a counsellor etc? Stay on waiting list for local schools.
I agree the system is broken, but unf no-one benefits from it, not students or schools who are operating in a shoestring budgets.

I agree, most children do actually want to please but some schools make it difficult to tick every single box. And some rules are just not in kids control - if they don’t have black socks, or parents can’t afford to replace plain black school shoes before the end of term there’s no point in penalising the child.

I’m fortunate that I’m in Scotland, where there isn’t the same punitive attitude to most things and my kids school have a good ethos. Some of the things on here are awful for kids and parents.

If it was an option I'd definitely home educate, perhaps with online school if affordable. It sounds like that would work for your DD with her loving learning but the anxiety and punitive rules at school being a barrier to learning. I'd look at some extra curricular activities and youth clubs for socialisation.