Barely surviving - single mum

[scratchingheads]

Just wondering if there is any help I’m entitled to that I’m missing.

single mum earning circa 60k, work full time.

I part own/part rent my home. It was literally the only place I could afford to buy on separating from ex.

I get no help, no benefits.

Ex is a high earner likely over 100k but not entirely sure. He gives me £300 a month, not through CSA. He had the kids approximately 40% of the time. He also pays for the majority of the kids clubs/hobbies.

we aren’t divorced yet - can’t afford that.

I literally have no savings - I’m scraping by every single month. By the time bills and nursery are paid, I’ve filled the fridge each week and done the occasional weekend activity with the kids I have nothing left over to save.

My mortgage payments are significant, and no chance of them reducing any time soon.

I feel like I earn a decent wage but there is no money for holidays. I work constantly. I’m stressed, burnt out, and skint. I have to think before I buy anything. I can’t afford the things I need for myself. This is so much harder than I expected it to be.

I need a new car and simply cannot afford one. Mine is falling apart.

How do other single mums manage? Is there help out there that I am not aware of?

What is your income, and your outgoings?

Is your ex paying towards nursery costs too?

Your ex needs to step up and pay for his children.

First thing you need to do is go to the CSA …based on an income of 90k a year ( I took 10k off for a pension? ) and him having them 2/3 times a week this is still Your estimated child maintenance calculation
£170.72 a week or £739.26 a month.
This is through the gov website. Why is he paying so little?

This.

At 60k you’re not going to be entitled to UC but your ex does need to be paying towards his children- that’s your obvious step 1 here.

What is your income vs outgoings?

You need to get divorced..

I empathise that it's difficult for you but imo you probably aren't and really shouldn't be entitled to gov support at this stage because you're likely eligible for a fair chunk of the family home.

How many DC? Are you getting the free childcare hours? What are your outgoings? My household income is around the same and I manage well but I do live in a cheap area.

If your ex is paying half towards nursery then I think his contribution is very fair. Assuming a 30 day month, and you only having the children 10% more than him, the maintenance works out at around £100 a day AND he pays for all their hobbies etc.
If he’s not paying half forwards nursery then that’s your issue.

We have a similar income although paying less tax as it’s two people earning it not one. We are similarly living month to month. So I’m not surprised it’s hard. I know that isn’t helpful but just to say I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. You do need to ensure Ex is paying the right amount.

How old are your children? When will they go to school?

I think this is sadly a cost of living issue rather than just a single mum issue. Our household income is less than that.
Do go through the CSA and check your ex is paying enough, but sadly I think the no money for holidays, stress over buying things has sadly become the norm these days.

Child benefit? You’ll still get a payment until you reach £80k.

tax free childcare? Makes a difference.

True, but that depends on how much the kids activities cost and the OP hasn't said...

I have 3 kids and their activies come to just over £100 a week term time!!

@scratchingheads it might be worth getting paid through the CSA and then if your ex says he cannot afford that as well as activities, then you will have to stop some of their activities.

When you have two households to run then it's expensive and cutbacks need to me made.

You might be entitled to UC , how many children do you have , whats your rent and how much is nursery?

Hello,

very similar situation to me. Enter all your details on Entitledto. Depending if on where you live you
might get a small contribution to your rent aspect.

Edited to add: it is really really hard at the moment for everyone in my circle. Everyone is cutting back. I cant see me ever going on holiday again and the car I have put on the backburner. Savings are nil (although I do need to make some money somehow as there is always an under estimated on my service charge - bloody shared ownership).

I buy any clothes I need on Vinted, have explained my financial situation to family so Christmas is manageable and make an almost daily decision on what is needed and what we can do without.

Good for you for making sure you do one activity a weekend. It is important and you are budgeting for it.
Happy for you to PM me.

He does pay 50% of the nursery costs too.

ive tried to avoid CSA as they take a cut and I’m actually worried I’ll end up worse off. Also I heard that whilst you’re waiting for them to make a decision he doesn’t have to pay in the mean time and I can’t afford for him to miss paying me even for one month.

@BaconCheesesi have no money to get divorced. I can’t even pay for one solicitor appointment. How can I get divorced? family home is sold and we split the cash 50/50. There wasn’t much equity.

I live in a very expensive area unfortunately.

You are misinformed in terms of them
taking a cut, you do have to pay a small amount upfront for a claim (it was £20 but that was a good few years ago) however unless you end up on collect and pay (as the other person has refused so it comes directly from their wages) then you don’t pay any extra and they don’t take a cut.

Did he have a pension? You need the CETV of it. You are entitled to some of that, this can be a clean break or can be settled along the way. My DH was married previously with one DC, married 2 years, together 9,he paid her 40k in terms of his pension. It’s not a good one by any stretch, this was paid monthly for many years.

I would ring a citizens advice service to check re:entitlements. You may need to consider moving if your mortgage payments etc are running you into the ground. How many kids and how old?

Have you shopped around for all your bills and expenses and have you tracked your spending for a couple of months to check where money is actually going and to get a clear picture? Any debt outside of your mortgage you're paying?

I think you need to work out what he should be paying and then look into whether it's worth going via cms.

If he's a high earner and things are amicable would he agree to pay the divorce costs to get you both through it? What was the reason for the divorce? In my case it was unreasonable behaviour and my ex will need to foot the bill for the divorce itself as opposed to the financial agreement which is split cost.

I have been in a similar situation OP.
Living on an overdraft and working additional hours.
Very frustrating, isn't it
Take care OP

Could you move to a cheaper area?

How much roughly do you earn a month, OP? For comparison, I earn about £2k (term time only however), husband earns around £2.5. Rent is well over £1k and only benefit we get is CB.

4k a month coming in -

how many kids ?

nursery days are expensive - ideally you save beforehand
cut things like clubs and hobbies and activities are playing in the park because they are wants not needs - focus on needs first

I think selling 50 50 before divorcing was a mistake.

You can pay from divorce proceedings and should have been advised of that by a solicitor, many of whom offer a free half hour.

I'm sorry you're in this position but you need to take a break from work and seek proper advice because you'll stay stuck in this loop until you divorce and can start afresh. There really isn't a way around it I'm afraid. You're trying so hard, I can see that, but until you move to divorce you'll be re-treading the same burnt out ground.

Spread sheet with outgoings and income. How many subscriptions are you paying for? Could you get a better deal paying for your phone? I know they seem so small but we saved a bit looking at odd bits like this