Barely surviving - single mum

[scratchingheads]

Just wondering if there is any help I’m entitled to that I’m missing.

single mum earning circa 60k, work full time.

I part own/part rent my home. It was literally the only place I could afford to buy on separating from ex.

I get no help, no benefits.

Ex is a high earner likely over 100k but not entirely sure. He gives me £300 a month, not through CSA. He had the kids approximately 40% of the time. He also pays for the majority of the kids clubs/hobbies.

we aren’t divorced yet - can’t afford that.

I literally have no savings - I’m scraping by every single month. By the time bills and nursery are paid, I’ve filled the fridge each week and done the occasional weekend activity with the kids I have nothing left over to save.

My mortgage payments are significant, and no chance of them reducing any time soon.

I feel like I earn a decent wage but there is no money for holidays. I work constantly. I’m stressed, burnt out, and skint. I have to think before I buy anything. I can’t afford the things I need for myself. This is so much harder than I expected it to be.

I need a new car and simply cannot afford one. Mine is falling apart.

How do other single mums manage? Is there help out there that I am not aware of?

Every solicitor firm has said aside from the free half an hour (which was useless tbh) I would need to find a way to pay the fees.

i really don’t think I would get enough from the settlement to cover the fees and leave me with anything left over.

if I go to the CSA, he will absolutely ensure he has the kids 50% of the time meaning I will get nothing from him. He has them about 40% of the time already.

two kids, one year left of nursery fees.

I just feel so stuck. I can’t cut back any more. I watch every penny I spend and my bills are as low as I can get them.

I really can’t move to a cheaper area and lose my family support and very good job. I need to be here. Also, can’t afford to move right now. But my place is tiny and won’t be big enough for the kids as they grow.

It all just feels very difficult right now.

thank you everyone

I wonder if you reduce to three days at around 40k would you be entitled to nursery fee support and support with the rent part of your home? Check on benefits calculator to see

Wouldn’t him having them 50% and paying half of nursery be better?

A side thought, but as you are still married make sure you make/update your will.

https://www.gov.uk/divorce

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service

You’ve likely done this already, but check you’ve got the single person discount on your council tax. You can also ask for instalments to be spread over 12 months rather than 10 - this may or may not be helpful to you.

You’re not alone, things are really hard for a lot of people right now. I’d say although you can’t save, you are managing and that’s commendable. There’s a lot of stress and pressure as a mum with Xmas approaching so start buying small bits now if you can.
Can you sell stuff on Vinted? I’ve made over £500 on my unwanted stuff recently so it’s possible to top up your income a bit. Any options of working from home a couple of days? Save on petrol and potentially have a child home one day a week - not easy but can sometimes work, my employer accepts people work at home with kids around during school holidays/sick days.
Do you have family who could perhaps pay for something like swimming lessons or any clubs your children do for a Christmas present.
Eat less meat and use a cheaper supermarket? reduce heating costs buy wearing thermals? Any small dents in cost of living might make you feel more in control but it is basically really hard going right now.

usually people cone back and say ‘could you earn more?’ But you have a good wage, on paper. I see your point about your ex stepping up to 50% then you not getting anything via CMS. I would be wary of that too. My only real suggestion is try and reduce housing costs? I also think divorce is the way forward. But you’ve split equity 50/50, he pays 50/50 nursery, he gives you a bit of money, which you don’t want to risk him withdrawing…it is a really tough financial landscape across the board right now.

I feel your pain I too have very similar income and outgoings. Am dreading the budget as a 2p rise would mean around £70 a month more in tax. I live hand to mouth now anyway with few treats, no holidays etc.

How is he not paying ?
He has them 40% of the time and paying £300/ month maintenance.

He doesn’t seem to be paying for nursery tho

What are your actual outgoings OP? If you list them we might be able to offer some advice. Your net salary combined with the support from your children’s father is around 4k a month, which is a reasonable amount. It does sound like he should be contributing more though.

Not the point of the thread, I know, but what sort of shitty world do we live in where somebody earning £60k is struggling to get by?

And it feels like it’s only getting worse for everyone, there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel.

She said he’s paying half of nursery.

It's hard to know if you should be able to cope on your 60k without any idea of your mortgage/ rent costs.

You really don't need to be going on holiday with nursery aged kids. Park that idea for a few years to get past the nursery cost stage and a bit of time to recover. Rather than letting it get you down.

How small is your house that you can't stay in it long term. Again, this is not something to dwell on now, and moving forward you can spend some time thinking creatively about how to make a small space work rather than letting it get you down.

Focus on the now, don't add to your stresses by catastrophing about the future.

It would help if you gave a breakdown. For instance, I am a single mother and earn less than £40k. I overpay my mortgage each month by £200, and save £200 each for Christmas and birthdays and holidays. I don’t have a lot left over, but I’m happy knowing everything is paid for.

My mortgage is normally £604 however, so if yours is £2k it makes a huge difference. How much are you spending on food, etc?

Think you just have to tough it out for now because it will feel easier when nursery costs drop away.

Are there extra things you could do at work to help you earn a bit more? Take one a new qualification or optional role that might add a few £k?