To find it uncomfortable when parents of MULTIPLE children complain about these things…

[Amibeinghorrible72]

Let’s face it I probably am being unreasonable here, but interested to hear other opinions.

Of course everyone’s feelings are valid and all of that jazz…

Maybe it’s because we had losses before having my DS and now potentially have another long road to having another child which is why it makes me uncomfortable.

I just feel a bit uncomfortable inside when I see people posting on TikTok Facebook or even on here about their gender disappointments with their fourth, fifth sixth or even seventh child.

Even when I was going through losses, one of my friends told me she understands how hard grieving is because it took her seven months to conceive her fourth child as her others were first month tries.

My heart goes out to anyone that experiences infertility or loss whether that’s your first child or eighth. But for some reason, gender disappointment or complaining about it taking a bit longer to get pregnant this time round. Just bugs me.

Before anyone says it, of course, it’s probably the same as me having one child and someone really wanting one and not being able to have one. I know I’m also so blessed.

I’m ashamed to say I cried when I found out I was having my son, but it was because I had previously lost my daughter and in my mind having another daughter would be the closest thing to having her back. I know now it was best to have a boy as I honestly think the acute grief and those emotions I was experiencing of wanting the ‘closest’ thing to my daughter, would have actually sent me crazy had my son been a girl. I went on to have a second son and cried with happiness when I found out he was a boy. Now I cry at random times thinking of how lucky I am to have ended up with two healthy babies.
yes, people who have gender disappointment are awful and selfish

I’m guessing this is about the 4 boys thread not something you’ve seen on Tik tok etc

Yes my friend spent a lot of time telling me how disappointed she was to be pregnant with her second boy. As she knew, I had had a boy and a girl but my son died about a year beforehand when I was pregnant with my daughter.

People can’t help how they feel … but I don’t know why she couldn’t just not talk to me about it.

Yes totally agree. Just love them and appreciate them for who they are.

I commented on a Tiktok thing when a dad was overcome with joy because they were having a boy after 4 girls.
I said about a relative of mine who had 3 girls and kept going until she got a boy and the girls always knew he was the golden child and the most wanted.
I got torn to shreds but seeing the damage it can do had an effect on me.

Completely!

I understand people have these feelings of gender disappointment and I think somewhere like MN is a good place to share these feelings and find support. I often see threads asking people to tell them what’s great about having a girl/boy and the contents are just the loveliest glimpse into parenting the opposite sex.

However, the instagram reels with the older siblings faces, posted publicly where the unborn child could find it one day of grown adults throwing temper tantrums for views because it’s not the sex they were hoping for? Disgusting. If a gender reveal goes wrong: delete the video!!!!

I think some people see parenthood as having little children as accessories, rather than raising another person to adulthood.

My mum would always say how pleased she was to have a boy and a girl, because it meant she had "the set". She talked about this all the time. Unsurprisingly she was a crap parent who smothered and then lost interest in me (the girl) once I got older.

I guess my point is that you can feel your feelings, but don't inflict those feelings onto your friends, your existing kids, or the earth's burgeoning population, please.

Even when I was going through losses, one of my friends told me she understands how hard grieving is because it took her seven months to conceive her fourth child as her others were first month tries.

Wow. What a self absorbed, tone deaf cow.

I’m so sorry.

You've made me tear up. Life's not fair.

An unpopular opinion now but I think no one has a ‘right’ to be a parent. I think everyone feels very entitled now when it comes to having children. I don’t think this used to be the case. It’s all about the parents and nothing about the actual children imo and it makes for crap parenting.

Even more upsetting when someone tells you how easy it was to get an abortion, and how 'inconvenient' it would have been to have another baby. Still upsets me now when I had a miscarriage and this person was literally bragging about her abortion on the same ward.

100% this….xx

Yes, I judge people who get really upset because they're baby isn't the sex they want! I've seen videos of people screaming and crying about it and it's just pathetic. I was convinced DS was a girl until my 20 week scan. When the sonographer asked me how I'd feel about having a boy, I said I know some very sweet little boys, and she said I'd be having a very sweet little boy. I did feel disappointed, for all of ten seconds, and then got over it. I didn't say anything, I didn't do a stupid video about it. It's ridiculous.

I don't have a problem with gender disappointment - people feel how they feel.

Plastering it all over social media however..

But then I suspect these people are total idiots in general

Sorry, deleted.

I’ve never heard anyone actually say that and if I did; I would massively judge them for it and not hang out with them.

I suspect the reason they have that many is down to gender disappointment. If they'd had one of each they might have stopped.

My SIL swore up and down she was done when pregnant with her second. Ended up having 3 girls and a boy, and I do wonder what they'd have done if #4 had been a girl too.

Our feelings are often irrational. Looking through that lens I can understand gender disappointment.

I can't understand spreading awareness of it as opposed to dealing with it privately.

We've been going through a tough time as a family and I've had to be the one holding it all together. Last week we had a particularly tough week and at work this week, a crappy email cracked my veneer and I was upset. A colleague said to me that, having heard about the situation (very complex and complicated) she felt bad for getting annoyed about something that happened to her that morning, because, 'It doesn't even come near to what you are going through!'

My response? 'It's not Top Trumps - you have valid emotions in the context of your situation and hou shouldn't be afraid to feel them!'

It's madness to think that people's feelings are not valid in their own bubble, whether or not we think we'd feel the same way in the same situation.

I don't put my life on the Internet for all to see, but my feelings and situation don't automatically make anyone else's invalid - it's just different.

Could not agree more. I find gender disappointment morally reprehensible and the lowest of the low.

I will never fathom the gender disappointment me and hubby couldn't have cared less we loved our brood as it grew no matter what they were

I can't have children and thankfully I've never had jealousy of those who can and do. I just don't think that way, their children have zero impact in my situation.

Life is just unfair sometimes and you've got to suck it up and get on with it.

That said, the gender disappointment people...what a load of emotionally immature, self indulgent crap. If anything other than a happy, healthy child is the desired outcome, they shouldn't even be having kids.

I feel for the kids i know what its like being in a family that didnt want you because you was a girl.
I also know what its like to know your parents had a favourite child.
Kids pick up on these things and pick up on them very quick.
I knew from about 4.

i get what you’re saying and it doesn’t invalidate their feelings but I actually think it’s somewhat refreshing that they reflected on their own experience and gained some perspective.

I think too many people only look at the world through their own lens. If we put ourselves in others shoes a bit more, many of us would be more grateful for what we have. It’s ok to feel your feelings but don’t lose perspective on what really matters.