AIBU to not ‘use’ present same time as my sisters?

[Reny44]

for Christmas and birthdays and other events my mum likes to buy me and my 2 sisters vouchers for facials, massages etc. there are my favourite type of gift as I don’t often have the money to book these things myself. When she gives them she always says “you 3 can all book together and make a day of it” which sounds good in theory. We all have children and it’s hard getting a time that works for us all. Plus, I like to use my voucher soon after receiving it whereas my 2 sisters leave it a few months.
initially I always suggested a few dates but they never suited or they didn’t reply. Now I book on myself when suits me. Keep in mind these are now ‘spa day’ type vouchers which then maybe I would be more inclined to go as a group.
now I’m seen as the one who ‘does her own thing’ and my mum is cross about it that we don’t all go together. The other 2 sisters don’t usually then go together, in fact they’re usually scrambling to get booked before it expires
AIBU?

Nope, once you’ve given a gift you don’t get to dictate how or when it’s used

Once the present is given, it’s up to the recipient decide when and how it’s used.

Not at all, you tried to book with them but they're not free so its fine. Your mum should stop trying to force you all to do things together and calling it a gift

And point out to your mum that you make the effort to include them but they are not able to. But that you enjoy the gift and like to use it. (Although you could gently point her to options that work well for you if a local beauty salon is better than a spa package).

Is your mum cross with all
three of you? In which case all
three of you should say what you have said here.

MUM- it’s nigh on impossible to find a date that suits us all. But we will try this time. But don’t guilt us if that doesn’t work.

It’s more that my 2 sisters then say to my mum “well reny went on and used her voucher without us”

or my mum will bring it up around a month later and il say I used my voucher and she will ask what happened to you 3 going together

And you say 'I asked them but they didn't want to' right?

well no, I guess that’s the point. I did always ask and now I don’t because I never got a reply/ got a date that worked

Show the texts to your sisters with no reply?

id be furious if my siblings threw me under the bus like that!

Fuxk them

Ah, I see. Then 'I always used to ask but they never wanted to'.

And maybe 'I really love it, but they never seem to be in a hurry to book or want to go together, and I want to enjoy my present!'

Your mum is being weird about this. Why does it matter to her if you go together?

Is your Mum worried that you are not as close as you have been in the past or something? It is controlling to expect you all to do it together.

Do you want to go with them or not? I know you’ve said you can’t find a date but do you really want to?
I don’t blame you, if not by the way, if my mum gave me a voucher for a trip away with my sister I wouldn’t like it. I love my sister but I wouldn’t want to go away with her together, it wouldn’t work.

I’ve had something similar with DF. When I’m visiting he will often suggest to DB that he comes on the same day - to which DB responds that he can’t because he’s working! If our families are meeting up doing something that DF and DSM can’t or don’t want to do eg long walks, DF will ring one of us part way through and want to speak to both of us. DF likes to bring us together, so to speak - not necessary as we get on well and speak often.

Yes I find it very strange that you all going together is so important to her.

It sounds as though she doesn't want to accept you are all grown up adults with your own lives now.

It's a shame that her making an issue out of this must spoil the present for you to a certain extent.

I guess she wants to help you nurture the relationship with your sisters for the benefit of all of you. That’s not a bad thing to want, especially as one day your mum won’t be here any more.

Your mum sounds like a control freak and should butt out. She can always buy you a different gift if it really bothers her so much.

If you wouldn't mind going with your sisters, I'd just keep doing what you were doing - announce when you're going to go, invite them, and if they say no or don't turn up you've done your best. If your sisters tell your mum you went without them, just say they were invited but chose not to come. Or tell your mum you're so happy to get the gift as you've been having a stressful time at work (or whatever) and it came just in time and you can't wait to use it! If your sisters choose to wait to use theirs, that's fine for them but shouldn't constrain you.

If your mum really wants a family spa event, rather than to give each of her daughters a gift they'll enjoy, then she should organize the outing (herself included) and treat everyone.

Possibly because she had an assumption her three girls would be inseparable best friends forever. You see it on here often - people wanting same sex siblings as they assume they will automatically be close as adults.

She shouldn’t be forcing her wishes onto her three children though. It would never work anyway.

Ask your mum to get all three sisters to agree a date for a spa day before she books - in other words, ask her to gift a specific day. That way she'll experience for herself why you eventually decide it's simpler than go alone.

"now I’m seen as the one who ‘does her own thing’"

Well yes - because you are doing your own thing.

I understand that you don't want to do it communally. I understand why you choose to do it at your own speed. But I don't think it's surprising or unreasonable that they are interpreting it as a bit unfriendly, and/or taking it a bit personally.

Whether you should change your behaviour to accommodate their feelings is a separate question. It's worth a chat with your mum though, otherwise she may not keep buying them for you. We don't tend to keep giving a gift that leads to awkwardness between our loved ones.

Yes but buying a gift, insisting it should be used a certain way, and then getting arsey at OP because her sisters didn’t respond is not going to foster this close relationship that she wants. I doubt a once a year “here’s a spa day and you WILL go together and you WILL enjoy it!” will make the slightest difference to their relationship. If they’re close then they’re close and missing out on the spa day won’t hurt it, if they’re not close then forcing the spa day won’t change it.

Does your mum think you’re all still 10 and should be playing nicely together? Although it’s nice for adult siblings to get along, you shouldn’t be expected to do certain things together simply because your mum dictates it.

Your mum just thinks it would be nice that is all you don't have to spend time with your sisters if days don't suit. It isn't that deep really book your appointments if your sisters and you can't co ordinate that is fine.